“She’s gone Addison; she’s really gone.” Confusion flowed through my mind as my parents tried to explain to me what happened. Fourteen years old. She was only fourteen years old, and now she was gone. I will never get to talk with her, play with her, or see her beautiful smile again. Nothing will be the same.

              Now, the part I was really dreading, school the next day. Ugh!  Everyone knew. As soon as I stepped foot into the building, eyes, all eyes were on me. I was quiet and stayed to myself, but when my best friends came in, as soon as I made eye contact with them, I completely lost it. I ran out of the room and bawled my eyes out. Our coach, who was also a teacher at my school, came after me and took me to a counselor. She knew what was going on through my head, because it was going through her head too. More and more staff members crammed into the room. They wanted to see “the girl whose friend killed herself” and how she was taking it all in.

              I couldn’t talk; all I did was sob. Words couldn’t come out of my mouth. It’s like I was drowning in my own misery. I thought about leaving school that day, but I knew that Cindy wouldn’t want me to miss out on learning because of her, so after a while, I went back to class and continued on through my day.

     Three days later, I found myself in a middle of a crowded church, and I couldn’t believe what was going on in front of my eyes. I walked up to her parents, holding in my hands her volleyball jerseys. Together, we walked up as a team, all 25 of us with tears filling our eyes. I wore a royal blue dress, which was her favorite color. When we got up to her parents, they took her jerseys into their cold, stiff hands, thanking each and every one of us, even though we should be thanking them for bringing such a bright light of happiness into our lives. “You guys really were her best friends. You all are family”, came out of the mouth of her father.

     I had known her for four years, and I never would’ve thought that this would ever happen. Thoughts were roaming through my mind. What if I could’ve done something? I could’ve helped. Is this all my fault? That day was the saddest moment of my life. There has not been one day that has gone by when I don’t think about her, how she’s doing up there, what she’s doing.

              Today, I look back at all the memories and texts we have and think about how crazy it all is. All the team parties and banquets, sand volleyball, volleyball tournaments, limo rides…. everything. She was such a fun person to be around. To this day, I still have so many questions, thoughts, comments, but I know that one day I will see her beautiful smile and hear her contagious laugh, and I am looking forward to that day. November 6th,2018, will be a day that stays with everyone who loved her. I miss you, Cindy; we all do. You will never be forgotten.