The sharp clammer of lockers, the soft chime of the release bell, the faint tick of the clock, the smell of freedom was on the tip of my nose. But as I rushed out to my locker, I could feel my gut clenching; it begged me to return to my classroom and never face the light of day again. Cupped tightly in my small quivering hand was my cast notice for the upcoming sixth grade musical Beauty and the Beast. Shouts of excitement curled their way to my ears as my peers conspired eagerly in one another. Meanwhile, I hadn't even touched the envelope's sealed flap, and I could already feel a wave of doubt crushing over me and sending me out to drift endlessly amongst a belittling sea of dread. Hesitantly I squeezed my way through the mobs of ecstatic sixth graders and settled in aside my book-bag. While I could shake the pencil shavings of a long week's work, there was no way I would be able to shake my feeling of potential disappointment. 

The cream white envelope commingled well with the pale blue and golden yellow squares of the cool tile floor. Commotion laced through the school's narrow hallways as kids rushed through the doors that graciously welcomed them to the weekend. I, however, moved like a tortoise on a warm summer day, for the thought of facing the sentence that lied within the slips' narrow edges sent an icy chill down my spine. My anxious thoughts were interrupted rather abruptly, as my locker neighbors barraged me for answers regarding my role. Immediately, I began to protest, explaining that I was planning to open my notice in private. However, before I could even formulate a sentence Miles Niemeyer cut me off. I turned and shot a malicious glare at the new set director, but my expression quickly melted when he uttered the words I never thought I'd hear. 

“Delaney, didn't you get Belle?”

Bewildered I managed to choke out a simple,

“I don't think so”. 

I was beyond perplexed. Why would Miles have such a ludicrous idea? After all, I had sought out for the role of Lefue, and I doubted that I would even be able to obtain such a part. While the teachers had made it clear throughout the audition process that it was highly possible to receive a different role than you tried out for the position of Belle was far beyond my acting repertoire. After gathering my thoughts, I turned and questioned his ridiculous statement. 

“Why would you think that” I asked. 

“Well, Mrs. James told me earlier when I was helping go over the cast list”, he replied in an impassive tone. 

A spark of interest sent my hand gliding towards the neglected envelope, but it quickly jolted to a stop as my new confidence began to drain. I had to remind myself that he was probably pulling my leg, and his claim was incredibly implausible. I had always had a lack of confidence regarding my abilities, whether it be in theatrics, athletics, or even academics. I suppose such a burden had gripped tightly upon my shoulders when I entered the dark world of perfectionism. My aspirations of a personal utopia had always drained any assurance I had in myself. By now, Miles had had enough of my delay, and he finally urged me to open the letter and see for myself. My eyes glided past the paper, and suddenly the nerves that cluttered my mind like a thick sheet of fog dissolved. Before I knew it, I was tugging at the flap ready to reveal my fate. 

The suspense has bubbled and brewed within me like a ravenous volcano for far too long now. My body was rigid, and I couldn't help but notice the slight tremble in my hands as I unfolded my cast notice. There it was. One small slip of paper would determine my stature in the play for the next four months. I could feel my nerves fighting to overcome me once more, but this time I would not let the wave usurp me, I would fight against the current. A small breath escaped my lips, and at long last, I revealed my role. As my eyes scanned over the paper I felt my heart drop, I could feel the shock withering down my spine. A grin erupted across my face, and I could feel a shriek simmering in my throat. There sprawled across the page was the following, “Congratulations you have been cast as _Belle_.” I simply couldn't believe my eyes. I had never felt so much joy and incredulity at the same moment. Before I could burst into a bundle of gleeful squeals a realization dawned upon me. I had been so quick to dismiss myself and my abilities that I never even considered that I might have earned the lead role. I had let my doubt and lack of confidence swallow me up drag me back amongst the tide. Now staring proudly down upon my slip, I vowed that I wouldn't discredit and disparage myself before seeing what the world has to offer.

My vision began to deplete as I jumped in excitement, and soon the cheery grade school walls were just a soft swirl of colors. Once I was able to contain myself, I shared the news with my friends, and they joined me in my celebration. The pandemonium of a Friday afternoon had subsided, so my friends' congratulatory squeals cut through the air like a whip. I was beyond eager to hear of their roles so I pushed my newly found confidence aside and settled in beside them. I felt a light flutter in my stomach as they spoke, and despite my efforts to produce a casual smile, a massive grin was constantly tugging at the corner of my lips. A surge of relief rippled down my body, for the laborious task of self-doubt no longer smothered me with its callousness. Suddenly, a cool breeze danced around my ponytail. My warm brown eyes once again caught sight of those big oak doors that led the path to the weekend. With my friends by my side, I took a step forward and prepared to face the day. 

The winter air greeted me with a belligerent cold shoulder as I stepped out onto its icy terrain, but even the season's brutality couldn't deprive me of the warm bubbly feeling that lingered inside of me. My envelope was still clutched tightly in my hands, as its contents were now of great significance. My elation surged as I thought of delivering the news to parents. I imagined the thrilled and flabbergasted that would soon burst across their faces when they two got the chance to unveil the precious letter that lay burrowed within the envelope. I was beaming with pride as the lustrous rays of the golden sun peeked out behind a fluff of clouds. I was simply electrified. I had never felt such a feeling, for my doubt had always found a way to overcome me in the end. I felt like I was floating across a sea of clouds as I galloped across the schoolyard. I started home with a new sense of exhilaration, for I knew that I would never let a sea of doubt and insecurity drown me with its battering waves.