Those who know me know what I want them to know. To them, I’m a good athlete, a fun-loving friend, and someone who will listen when they need someone to talk to. Those closest to me know things I wouldn’t necessarily want them to know. They are the ones that know what bothers me, they know how to get under my skin. Those closest to me have seen me at my best and have also seen me at my worst. I would say that I was at my best about 2-3 years ago, and both my friends and those closest to me would agree with that. I would also say that I was at a shallow point in my life pretty recently, about 5-6 months ago I would say. Only those who are closest to me know the mental struggles I experienced, the emotions that I kept buried inside, and the physical pain I was enduring, and am still enduring today. 3 years ago, I felt as if I was on top of the world. 6 months ago, I was brought back to earth in the most violent of ways. My name is Seth, and this is my fall from grace.

As a freshman, I was doing things that nobody thought I would be able to do. With already one year of high school wrestling experience to my name as an 8th grader, I knew that I had big things in store for my future. The problem, however, was that I wasn’t getting the recognition that I thought I deserved. I dealt with this by showing those who weren’t paying attention that I was the real deal, the next big thing, and with hard work and determination, I most certainly made my mark. I was winning medals left and right; County champion, Division champion, All-Section. I thought this was what being on top felt like. It was only part of it, however. The other part was knowing that I had a target on my back for seasons to come. That part I had a little trouble understanding.

With all of these accomplishments to my name, there came expectations that I was to live up to. The problem, however, was that I thought I could go no further than I had gone in my freshman year, so, I stopped practicing, I stopped working out, and I got lazy. My opponents didn’t stop, they hadn’t stopped, and when my junior season came around, it was pretty evident that I wasn’t the same wrestler I was 3 years ago. As the season progressed, I started listening to the people who doubted me, who thought my freshman year was a fluke. It wasn’t long before I started doubting myself. I’d lost the spark that propelled me to succeed and I wasn’t having fun anymore with the sport that I’d happily bled for. That feeling of self-doubt was the beginning of my downfall.  

Those closest to me know that I don’t like to talk about that season very much. Although there were some positives, that season was mostly filled with regret. I regret not working hard enough, and I regret my smug attitude, but if you were to ask me if I would go back and change anything, my answer would be no. Amidst all the regret, the lessons I learned from my downfall will stick with me for the rest of my days. I learned that to be truly great at something, you have to be willing to make mistakes, and you need to learn from those mistakes. I learned that you need to make sacrifices, whether that be not eating or not going out with friends. I learned to never doubt myself. I ask you not to judge me on my successes, but rather on how I respond to my failures. My name is Seth, and I’m trying to do better.