As I sit down on the cold moist moss, I burst into tears. Not understanding what has been happening for the last couple of months. Alone, afraid, not being able to be touched. I was like the wind, going unnoticed and destroying everything around me. I look down at the rough water. I take off my shoes dipping my toes in the freezing water. Taking off my jacket, I slowly start to go deeper into the river.

Head underwater, arms floating up, then everything goes dark.

Pain, pain in the back, my back being crushed. Snapping, popping, scared to even move. Shooting up the leg, throbbing in the shoulder, screaming for help, but know one hears. 

Feeling my hair being pulled in every direction, Burning in my nose,lungs on fire. Trying to push my arms down, kicking with all my might. I do not move. Panicking, not knowing what to do. The bubbles are gone. 

Feeling my heart beat slowly die off. Goodbye world, I am sorry for not giving you a chance to prove to me that you are worth so much more.  

Feeling the water rush over my face. Feeling the warmth of someone there holding me. 

I hear my mom sobbing. Crying, begging, and pleading for me to come back. Not understanding what she meant, until I felt a burning sensation on my chest, like I have just been burned. Feeling by body twitch. Feeling my body being lifted and placed on a warm cushion. 

I feel this cooling sensation in my body, like the inside of my body has been put in a freezer. Feeling my hand being filled with the warmth of my mother. 

“Baby you are going to be ok,” says my mom. Feeling my heart beating faster, beeping getting louder, feeling the chaos around me. The warmth of my mother’s hand was gone. 

Suddenly, the feeling of my heart pounding was gone. The beeping of the monitor was gone, but most of all, mother was screaming in agony. 

“Beep, beep, beep”

My heartbeat is slow but there. My mother rushed to my side, holding my hand. Trying so hard to squeeze my mother’s hand. Not knowing if I was squeezing, trying so hard, then suddenly I felt my mother squeeze back. She said “ baby I know you're in there, just keep fighting for me.”

I feel my mother kiss my forehead. The warmth shoots through my whole body, but as she bent down to kiss me, I felt a warm drop, like a tear. My pain was gone. 

I opened my eyes to see nothing but darkness. Slowly the door creaked open. I see my mom “ good morning sweetie, how did you sleep?”