Vigorously shaking in my seat, I think to myself, am I cold or could this be anxiety? I continuously yawn over and over so maybe I’m just tired. But my teeth are chattering so maybe I’m just cold. But why does this happen wherever and whenever? I try not to think about what my body is uncontrollably doing but it’s so hard not to. It looks like I’m cold and my teeth are chattering loudly but thinking about it, I’m not cold. In class, my friends look over at me and I try to hold in all the shaking and chattering but sometimes I can’t, so I just tell them I’m cold. Could this be anxiety or am I just overthinking all this?

The squeaky little car rumbles as we pull into the parking lot to the people-packed bowling alley. Trying to hold all my shaking in, I push the dark gray door and get out of the car. Then slowly walk into the light gray bowling alley with large wording on the front. As I walk through the doors, the lights shining on my face somehow made me feel a little better, but I was still nervous. As my excited friends are telling the tired worker their shoe sizes I’m thinking to myself, Oh crap I’m not sure what my size is. But now it’s my turn and I say, “6.5 please” then he hands me some shoes and we all head to our table. Mildly shaking, I put my shoes on and realize that they were not my size, so I quietly ask my friend to take my shoes and get me a different size but he didn’t really hear me so I got up, and quickly walked to get a new size. As I get up to the tall white counter, I’m not seen at first so I just stand there and quietly wait, then the worker comes over and I say in a sweet voice, “Can I actually get a size 7 please?” He hands me the shoes and I quickly walk back to the table, sit down, and put my shoes on. My best friend can tell what’s going on in my head so she comes and sits with me and talks to me, to make me feel better. It’s weird how something so small and so simple can be such a struggle for someone with anxiety but I’m beyond thankful for my best friend. 

My best friend is always with me, she has long black hair and she always wears comfy clothes. Some people may think of her as having a “lazy” style but when I look at her I don’t see her as being “lazy”  I see her with a bright yellow bubble around her, but also with some purple. She’s basically the light in my life. We’ve been friends for a long time now and she’s always there for me whenever I need her. She’ll squeeze my hand or give me a hug when she can tell I’m not okay. She makes me feel safe and comfortable; when I see her my anxiety goes away. She knows me better than anyone else. 

Anxiety is something that I carry wherever I go with whatever I do. It doesn’t matter if I’m with people who know about it or with people who don’t, it always comes up. Sometimes I overthink it and wonder if I’m just all in my head, maybe it’s not anxiety, but what if it is? Either way, it’s still weird for me to go through and  I’m thankful for the people who help me through it. Sometimes I wish more people knew but it’s not something I would want to go around telling. No matter how many times I go to the bowling alley I always get anxious, and no matter where I’m at, if my best friend is next to me she always helps. I haven’t exactly told my parents about me being this way, so I’m still trying to figure out ways to deal with it when I’m by myself. Although I still don’t have this all figured out, there are some strategies that I use to help me through. I’m hoping in the future that I tell my parents or doctors about how I’ve been feeling and they help me even more when dealing with anxiety.