When I was in fourth grade I would endlessly beg my parents for a phone, but they never wanted to give me one because they were scared of social media. I was really mad that they wouldn’t get me one because at the time all of my friends had a phone so of course I was jealous of them. I would get into long arguments with my parents about it which obviously made it harder for me to get one and made me have to wait longer. 

In the summer of my fourth grade year I ended up convincing them into getting me one. They warned me constantly about social media and that it is bad but I never really listened to them because I was too busy freaking out about finally being able to get a phone like all of my friends. They told me that at first when I get my phone I wouldn't be able to get social media apps like Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, etc. I definitely got mad because again, all of my friends had those apps and were actually able to talk to each other out of school, but I never could. 

When I got my phone I was freaking out trying to get all of my friends phone numbers and downloading all different kinds of games. I brought it up to my parents one last time about getting all of the popular apps and we had a little talk about it and how I need to be careful if I get them, they were finally convinced and let me get them. I hugged them, I said thank you about a million times, and I started being extra nice to them. I was so happy. Right after I went down to my room and I quickly downloaded Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat. I signed in and made accounts on those apps and started getting all of my friends on them. The first few weeks I had those apps I had so much fun on them, I still couldn’t believe I was finally able to get them. 

Once I was using those apps for a while I realized that I started changing at the same time. I ended up getting a whole new wardrobe, I redecorated my room a bunch of times, and I was more independent. At first I didn’t really notice this change but my parents definitely did and then so did I. Anything new I saw on any social media app, I wanted. I thought getting the same things as these girls would make me more popular, prettier, and maybe even skinnier. When I started thinking those things I knew something was wrong and maybe social media isn’t what I thought it was. 

I never really thought about it that much that I was thinking those things and even if I did realize it I didn’t think it was that big of a deal at the time and it didn’t matter. I thought it was normal because everyone is insecure about themselves in at least one way. Soon after I started thinking things differently and it got really bad. I was only focused on myself, how I looked, how I dressed, how I acted, who I was friends with, etc. I was changing myself completely because of these random apps that everyone has. The biggest problem I had was of course how my body looked. These apps convinced me that if I didn’t have the smallest waist, no fat on my stomach, a long torso, long skinny legs, etc then I wasn't pretty enough and no one would ever like me. In that case I started looking up working out videos on YouTube and started doing at home workouts. I was convinced that they were going to work.

I have had a lot of experience with working out, not saying I did things the right way but I have been doing it a lot on and off. I have had two gym memberships at two different gyms, I did two workouts a day at my house. I told my parents to get more equipment for me so I could do more stuff at home. I wanted to have a good body. 

My parents thought I was going too hard so they told me to just stop and take a break to calm down. They were confused at what was happening with me and didn’t know what to do to help. Their first solution was to take away all of the workout stuff and said I couldn’t do it for a while. I got so mad and we got into a big argument that left me in tears the rest of the night. That same night I looked up on my phone how to get skinny without going to the gym. The results that came up were basically telling me to stop eating as much, so I did. After a few weeks of not eating as much I saw results and I was so happy, but during all of this there were a lot of effects. I came to school so tired even though I got many many hours of sleep the night before, I would feel nauseous all day everyday, and I had no energy to do anything. It was draining, but this was the first time I actually felt good in my own skin and loved my body so I kept on doing it.

Many months later I just couldn’t do it anymore so I started to try and eat again a little more than normally. I was so scared of gaining all the weight I just lost but I didn’t feel like myself anymore so I had to do this. Resulting in gaining much of the lost weight back, I got so much happier and healthier. During all of this I was going through a lot of depressive episodes which made it a lot harder than normal. I would get them from social media also. I still struggle with that but I am getting better by the day.

During this stressful time in my life I realized how bad social media is and how it needs to stop. It’s ruining teenage lives that were perfectly fine, normal, and happy before they had these apps. After all of this I definitely cut down on how much I am on Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, etc. I obviously go on them but not nearly as much because I don’t want it ruining me again. Now I understand why my parents didn’t want me getting a phone in the first place because of social media and sometimes I wish I never got it.