I stood there dumbfounded. The only expression I could visibly express was laughter, he didn’t like that. He looked at me as if I'd lost my mind. Maybe I did but it wasn’t recent at all. For all I know this was a dream with a torturous plot with a significant ending that will be a crucial moment in my life.(maybe change) He sat there bleeding his heart out to me but all I saw was crocodile tears. He claimed to be an artist, was I just his canvas ruin and forced me to build back up myself. Maybe he genuinely cared about me at one point but now I was nothing more than a comfort, he knew I’d always be there. “You’re so selfish.” He looked disgusted at me with a victim’s mask tightly/uncomfortably secured on his face. Although, he didn’t always look at me like that.
When I started my freshman year I was so nervous. I was an hour and a half early and pacing outside the door. Every now and again I looked around and occasionally made accidental eye contact with people, teachers smiled wide at me. “Good morning hun.” They said encouragingly. It was awkward and I was a mess. However, when I sat down in class I saw two people walk in. A really pretty girl with long black hair, piercings, and a crop top. Beside her, I saw him. All black clothes, a beanie, and one lone cross dangling from his neck. Maybe my body was giving me signs to run the other way or maybe it was just butterflies. Looking into his dark brown eyes I felt trapped and had to force myself to look away. This continued over the course of three months as his girlfriend sat right across from him. I saw them in the halls together, hand in hand, yet he was always looking at me. I couldn’t get a read on him but I didn’t want to. I thought he was weird and I found it even weirder that he looked at me the same way he looked at his girlfriend. Red flag number one. Everything was going smoothly until... they stopped showing up together. I picked up that they stopped speaking to each other and I never even saw them within five feet of each other unless it was in a classroom. This was his green light.
He was the wolf and I was the sheep and he enjoyed every second of it. Around two months later I got a notification ding from my phone. I picked it up and stared in shock as I saw his name come across my screen, he followed me on Instagram. Then a couple hours later he replied to my story and we began talking more and more almost 24/7. He was such a sweet talker, our conversations were so smooth and easy. Yet... he never spoke to me in public, we never hung out,and you would’ve never known we even knew each other. Mistakenly, I continued talking to him, playing games with him, and even calling each other.. However, we fell out after three months and we unfollowed one another on Instagram after he started getting more distant towards me. Red flag number two. A whole school year passed by and I was starting to adjust to high school. Until sophomore year started and he followed me once again and started talking to me. Do you want to guess what I did? I fell into his trap once again.

Months passed and it was his birthday, 6/6/06. He told me no one really celebrated it so he wasn’t excited. That day I showed up to school with a little fuzzy bear that said happy birthday and his favorite chocolate bar and I officially broke the ice. After class I walked up to him and nervously I said, “Happy birthday...” Then shoved my gifts into his warm hands. He smiled sweetly and said, “Thank you.” Then we went our separate ways like everyday. Until a while later he asked me out... through text. Then told me to meet him in a quiet hall where almost no one walked in and officially asked me out.
I wish I could say it only went up from there but it was that night that we had our first fight. He told me to give him my Instagram login and he made it seem like that’s just something couples do. However, he downloaded my Instagram data that night and looked through my following and followers. He texted me sending multiple screenshots and verbatim, “Unfollow them. Why follow any guys or talk to any guys that aren’t me? All you need is me. Just me and you against the world.” He had convinced me the world was out to get me. I didn’t think this was necessary but then he protested, “If you don’t then we’re done.” Red flag number three. I told him I needed time to think about it then he stonewalled me for it. He ignored me for the rest of the night. Then in the morning I felt I had no choice and I blocked every single guy friend I had. People will judge me from the outside looking in, having no idea of what I went through. After a year and a half, he did something that made me leave and never turn back. It started off as a normal Friday night. He came over after school everyday so this was nothing new. Despite everything he has done to me, my family loved him. He was the perfect son-in-law,hugged and said hello to my grandma first whenever he came over, played with my nieces and nephews, and helped cook with us. He treated everyone with the utmost respect but me. I sat next to him along with my sister, brother-in-law, and my mother to play a boardgame. However, everyone sensed the tension. He kept throwing petty insults at me. “Why did you do that? That’s a stupid move.” He snickered. I brushed it off as much as I could to avoid fighting in front of my family.
No matter what I went through, I'll still look back at our fond memories. He was my first love and I find myself comparing everyone to him. However much I hate what he put me through I also have to be grateful to him. You were my favorite mistake because you taught me lessons. I now know myself and love myself enough to know when to leave. I can love myself and put myself first even in a two-sided fifty-fifty relationship. Now, instead of someone walking me to class everyday I walk the halls alone- I don’t mind. I’m starting to remember who I am and while I can’t go back to who I was, I can create an even better me. I have recently started up a relationship with someone and she’s passionate, clever, and extraordinary. Her name is Kimberly Place and I can't wait to get to know her again.