Growing up as a kid, life wasn’t easy. But, now looking at it, a lot of people can say that. Though life wasn’t easy growing up, it also was different. Sometimes I wish I could just go back and see how things were now being able to remember. It sucks growing up because as you get older, you forget a lot of things.

The same year I was born, was the same year my whole life changed. Before I could even grow up or understand anything, my dad got diagnosed with breast cancer. Growing up I was a daddy’s girl. Everything I did, if I wasn’t with my dad, I would always want to show my dad or tell him about it. Though he wasn’t the best dad ever he was my dad and I loved him. 

When I was born my parents were told they weren’t gonna be able to have any more kids because of some troubles my mom had. 3 years after I was born, my dad was told he had 6 months left to live. After finding out the bad news, my mom found out she was pregnant. Everyone was happy, and the family started to come together. Growing up, my dad’s family and my mom’s family never got along. My dad’s side was always so messy and there was just too much drama. When my dad got diagnosed, he was already stressed, but all of this drama and having another kid was just too much. So, he started using. Though it was not good for him being sick and it was not a good solution, he did and only started thinking about himself.

From there life kind of started going downhill for my mom and us kids. My dad was never home and was always out doing drugs and cheating on my mom with his ex girlfriend. He and his ex-girlfriend had a kid together, Kenzy. Kenzy was my half sister. She is my dad’s first child. With her mom not being able to take care of her, Kenzy grew up with us in our house. We all got so close until her 8th grade year, she got tired of living with us and decided to move in with her grandma. 

Though my dad was told he only had 6 months, he kept fighting and fought until he couldn’t. 9 years after I was born, my dads sickness was just getting worse and he couldn’t keep fighting. With my dad being the youngest male having breast cancer in Missouri, we always had some kind of news reporters at our house. My dad was on the news, weeks before he passed. While he was on hospice, he was at his mom’s house. When the new reports came, he told them “I don’t even have the odds of winning the Powerball, but I can get male breast cancer”. He also said “There’s been many times I wanted to give up, but I can’t. I have kids, I can’t give up”.

After years of fighting we got told the bad news, but how we found out was just upsetting. My dad passed away on October 10, 2015. On October 12, 2015, I had a soccer game. After the game my grandpa, being a coach, he was talking to my other coach and after the look I got, I knew something was up, I just didn’t know what. The whole ride home felt awkward. I was just ready to go home.

At the time, we were living with my grandma and grandpa because we got kicked out of the old house after my dad failed to pay the bills and help my mom. When I got home, I walk in and I see everyone crying. Not thinking about it, I was still lost. My mom told me my dad passed away, two nights before. I didn’t know what to do, he was my favorite, my go to, and after not having much contact with him, even on my birthday, (October 4) I was so upset. His family kept him away from us and had us blowing up their house phone on my birthday, with no response. You would think the least they could do was tell us the bad news, that he was gone. But, nope! Of course, we found out through facebook. They are such horrible people. To this day, I have not had any contact with his mom or his step dad. 

After that, we have been living our life and even going to visit his grave. Before we moved out to Lake. St Louis, we would see his mom sometimes at work or even at the store but I would keep my distance. But, Just last year his dad got diagnosed with cancer, and was told he only had a couple weeks left. Though we never talked to them, we decided to be mature and go visit him before anything happened. 3 days after the visit, he passed away. When my mom would call to check up on my dad’s grandma, who lived with my dad’s, dad, my dad’s sister answered and told us we were not allowed to call anymore and to stay away.

My dad’s favorite holiday was Fourth of July. Every Fourth of July, we would go to his grave and shoot off fireworks, and we still do to this day. Every fathers day, his birthday, and the day he passed, we go and visit his grave and sometimes even take flowers. Sometimes, when I really miss him or need to talk to him, I will just go. But, when going I like to make sure no one is there nor pulling up, I do not want to see his family. His family was just so disrespectful, now growing up I will forever keep my distance and only go visit my dads grave and move on with life.