“And what does your mother have against me?”

Why did I have to ask? Really, dude, she already told me. I didn’t need to be reminded, but I guess I had forgotten that.

“You’re gay.”

Wait for it…wait for it…yup there it is. That familiar pinch in my heart. And…yup, now my body’s going rigid. Where’s the ceiling? Up, above me. Oh yeah. But the floor’s moving. Or is that just me? Probably, most likely the second one. Hold yourself together, man.

“Oh yeah…of course. How could I have forgotten?”

Was that really my voice? So much sarcasm dripping from a few innocent words. I don’t squeak like that, do I? Puberty.

“And Joey?”

Really, I don’t know why I keep opening my mouth. When they put those braces on me again for my second phase, I should really consider having my damn mouth wired shut. For good. It would be better for everyone.

“My mom thinks she’s rude.”

At least her mom gets something right. The mouth on that girl could scare a sailor. But she’s one loyal son of a b****, I’ll have you know. She’s totally G, straight up fresh as hell. And why I find myself acting like her all of a sudden, I don’t know. It must be rubbing off.

“And I take it she’s got Mitchell for the same thing as me?”

Ya ever seen that 1-800 Dentist commercial? The one with the girl who opens her mouth and every time she does, a siren blare comes out. I really need to see a dentist, to see if he can help me with that…Except, biting a dentist’s fingers when you’re nine usually leave you with a bad rep and unnecessary pain from every appointment from then on. Just some wistful insight for you. Incase your debating biting your dentist’s fingers in the near future. Maybe if I was cuter or younger I coulda gotten away with it. Yeah…but this ugly b**** doesn’t have such luck. Story of my life.

“Yes, she says you’re reeling me into your psycho world.”

She doesn’t even know…

“She thinks you’re a bad influence.”

It’s getting harder to shrug. Did someone turn up the gravity? They better not have. It’ll make that water in my eyes from blasted allergies look like tears. But I’m not crying. Because it’s not like I didn’t know this would happen. It’s just fall, ya know? All those dust bunnies floating around…and pollen, and I have severe allergies to broken hearts. Not that my heart’s broken. It’s just cracked, that’s all. Unless…yup, and there goes the left atrium. But no one really needs those anyways, right?

Like two kidneys.

We just need one…

I guess we’ll find out.