“It hurts me as hell when people do stuff like this to me!” I screamed out loud enraged. My hair was flying in all directions, eyes bedewed with fat tears. My voice shook with fury as I struggled to make it sound firm. My best friend or ex-best friend looked at me as if I was a stubborn child babbling away futilely. “Aishwarya…” she spoke sadly. “You are so pathetic when you behave like this.”Her eyes clearly showed her disgust at my behavior. I wondered if this was the same sweet, quiet, wonderful girl who had been my best friend for five years. My voice quivered and I spoke again, “Lily? Is that really you speaking? My best friend?” How incredulous and stupid I sounded in my own ears! “ Of! Course you silly girl!” she laughed but she sounded as unsure as she felt. I never ever before this day doubted her words as much as I did that day. I shed another tear as a parting gift. This friendship was over. I turned away and ran before she could see me cry at her loss. I ran back home and cried on my pillow. That day I finally realized how bad it hurt when you lose a friend. Lily who had cried with me and laughed along with me , had turned her back on me because she had found better friends, ‘cool’ friends. I couldn’t help but go through the sweet memories of yesteryears. The days that were gone and would never come back again. Ever. How could I revive a baseless, rootless friendship? Ever since Lily got along with her new in-group, our friendship had deteriorated. We spent less time now because she had so much to discuss and gossip about with her new group. Lily had hated them as far as I remember but then things were so different, so much better out then.Of course, I was enraged at her hating her new friends then because more than anything I wanted her to settle down in this new environment, a new changed setup where things would be different and she would not have her friends to support her. I never knew that I would trip over my own toes then.
Lily settled down eventually, much to my relief and I watched her expression change as she walked towards our little close knit group of five after what I thought to be a toiling, difficult day at school. Her relief at meeting us and leaving school and her new companions behind slowly turned into irritation.One day, a particularly irritating day, when she looked extremely crappy about something,I caught up with her and when we were out of the ear-shot of our extremely gossipy friends,I asked her, “ Lily..are you okay? You don’t look too good today..is everything alright?” I had been best friends with her since five years I was supposed to know the tricks to her pacify her flaring temper.But my attempt back fired.Her pent-up anger found a safe vent in me. “I guess you don’t need to know.”she stormed at me. “You don’t understand anything..” And she ran away leaving me miserable and confused. But I was not surprised.Ours was an off and on friendship.We had our share of fights and disagreements but never before did she ignore me like this.I was angry as well, being of a very childish disposition,because it was not right on her part to blame it all on me. But on the second night of our silent treatment, I thought hard on the subject.Finally drawing the conclusion that probably she was having a hard time at school.And because she had been so supportive of me ,it was my duty as a best friend to help her.Finally I patched up the differences between us that very night over the phone, talking in whispers as it was really late and we’d both be screwed up for staying up so late.Hearing her voice was like being liberated of a really gruesome load and bondage.My happines was short lived as usual.
Things cooled down for the next few days but soon enough her ‘cool’ friend influence proved to be stronger than our age old friendship.I don’t know till now why she decided that we were too boring for her and began to boycott us altogether,me at the very least.I tried every possible way to find out where and how I had gone so wrong but again my ego came in the path of our friendship.I refused to say sorry and so did she.Each day was intolerable, painful beyond measure.Inside I was weeping bitter tears at our loss, but outside I stood egoistic and invincible as ever.Lame, so lame.
It’s the last year of our school and I am on bed, missing the most joyous and wonderful moments of life, nursing a broken bone.I feel sorry and sad for myself as well as Lily because we have just four short months at hand before we find our different ways and directions.Both of us have the same aim though, that of becoming an author.But I know our directions are different and far apart.I’ve tried my best to salvage our cherished friendship and win over the trust of my best friend, again.Its a futile attempt I guess. This is just a small endeavour to say sorry to Lily.I’m really sorry Lily for not understanding you and standing by you when I should have.Please forgive me if you can.You are my best friend forever…Remember that always..