When you think back to a time when you had no worries, cares or struggles, where does your mind take you? Mine travels back to when I was six years old. My Grandmother and Step-Grandfather, Eve and Al, lived down in Florida so I only saw them once or twice a year. But when I was with them, I always had a smile on my face. In the summer of 2001 they came up to visit us. I can still picture them on our old brown sectional, watching me blow bubbles on the front porch and playing with me in the backyard. At the time, we had just gotten a new fabric for our dining room chairs. I absolutely loved playing dress up so I took the extras, wrapped it around my head and shoulders, put on a pair of purple plastic heels, grabbed a little clutch and walked into the living room. I acted rich and fancy towards Eve and my mom and then, when I became tired, I laid on Eve. I think I loved Al the most though. The best time I had with him was when I would put clip-on earrings on him on the front porch or put clips in his hair in my room. Those are the last foggy memories I have of them. Losing loved ones is hard to get over, but it’s even harder when they’re still alive.

Eve and Al are perfectly healthy, to my knowledge, still living down in Florida. It hadn’t been that long since I last saw them and my room was painted purple with butterflies. Since they haven’t seen it, I sent them a letter describing it. It was about two weeks later when I found my letter. I was puzzled because I saw my mom put it in the mail. I forgot about it until later that day. I sat on my parents’ bed listening to them explain to me what was happening. I didn’t understand what was going on until my dad showed me the letter from his mother. It basically said that she and Al wanted no connection with us whatsoever. It really affected my dad, mom, and my brother, but it mostly affected me. In fifth grade I had to talk to the guidance counselor about how I was feeling with Eve and Al pretty much abandoning me. Until recently I didn’t know how I felt.

This summer is going to mark 10 years since I’ve seen them. The only time we had any connection was when I was forced to call her after I was sent money or a present. The last present I got was 2 years ago and one of the things I got was a purple pillow for my purple room. My room has been blue for 2 years. I always talked to Eve though; I can’t even remember Al’s voice. At times I still feel the urge to ask how someone could shut out his or her only granddaughter, but now it seems the want for the answer is slowly slipping away. I will admit that I get jealous when I see my friends with their grandpa’s because I’ll never have that, Al’s my only grandpa. As time went on I realized that this was out of my control. I realize now that all I need is my Nana. She’s the one I want to be next to me during the biggest moments of my life. Even though I still fight to get over this one event, I have come to accept it. I now know that there is no such thing as a perfect life. Instead of dwelling, you grow. The big moments are going to happen, you can’t help that. It’s what you do afterwards that counts, that’s when you find out who you are.