In life, usually the thing you want the most is the one thing you can’t have. The same happens with me AND you. On my birthday, all I want is to go to the Summer Trip, but that damn trip is the only thing my parents can’t afford right now.
The way I exist in this world…I think that someday I will disappear and no one will even notice. That’s called existing, not living.
It’s just…I don’t know. People say ‘I’m boring’. Boring because ‘I don’t talk much’,’ I don’t laugh’. But I only laugh when something funny happens!
‘I don’t mix with people that easily’. Well, okay THAT’S true. But there’s a reason to it: I can’t trust. Yeah. Trust issues. I can’t trust people easily. Why? Because they let me down. They let me down in every possible way. So, I’m tired. Tired of explaining my problems to them and then ending up getting them spilled to the whole world. But, not everyone in my life is like that, there are some nice people too. Who care about me and who love me and who I love back. I’m afraid to hurt them. And I just can’t get enough of them.
My life is so messed up. When people talk, laugh, dance and make fun, I sit back, stay quite and stare out the window. I’m officially The Invisible Girl. Is that wrong? I think that’s wrong. I need life. I need friends. MORE friends. And maybe more attention.
But you know. Attention is a drug. Attention is weird. Everyone gets attention for some reason or the other. I got attention when I had my lunch-box stolen from my bag. I cried. And I don’t know why.
My friends tried to console me,”Are you crying? Oh my god! Are you really CRYING?” And that obviously made me cry even harder. I mean, no one cries over a lunch-box, right? But then again, who STEALS a lunch box?
I have a way out of all this: Cutting. I mean cutting myself. I know, it will give a wrong message to my ‘well-wishers’ that I’m suicidal. I’m not suicidal. I don’t want to die. I have a life to live(which I know is not really worth-living) and I want to do things. I want to do things for my family. And I want to make those bitches jealous. I want to do something big and make my parents proud of me. I just don’t know where to start. And how to start. If I start doing something that’ll be good for me, I’m sure something bad will happen. My fate stinks. In my life, everything good is followed by something bad. I think I have screwed up my destiny. And apparently, I don’t know how to revive