heres the thing, no one understands me,
no one understands what i go through everyday, no one understands what i've been through, and no one understands what i am willing to put myself though to get what i want. It might just be me, but it sometimes seems, that going through hell is just a part of the pursuit of happiness. and sometimes, only sometimes do you ever even make it past hell, and into the arms of happiness. what even is happiness anyway? Happiness, happiness is friendship, happiness is triumph, happiness is pride, happiness is self reliance, happiness is the green grass of Dublin, happiness is the blueness of the Mediterranean sea, the little specks of gold in its sands, happiness is wearing a beautiful dress, looking AND feeling like a princess, happiness is looking into someones eyes and smiling, keeping promises, and making funny faces at each other, and laughing, happiness is the look you give someone right before a kiss, happiness is leaning in for a kiss, happiness is a kiss, happiness is love, happiness is knowing you are loved, happiness is being in love, happiness is commitment, happiness is holding hands and running,and waterfalls, and goodnight texts, sweet dreams, i love you, happiness is what makes you smile, what makes you glow. and i am willing to do anything to be happy. But sometimes when you are happy, you start to lose yourself, and before you know it, you are trying to please who or what made you happy, and by doing so, you lose happiness, and it slips away just like that. What do you do now? whatever has kept you happy, whatever has been occupying your mind, is gone. it vanished. and you cannot retrieve it now...or ever. and it hurts. i have been hurt. i have lost happiness many times, and each time, it hurts. sometimes more than others, sometimes not at all, and occasionally, its painfully unbearable, its taken me to hell a couple times. the proper name for this pain, is heartbreak. and every time my heartbreaks, i have to rebuild it. and each time i rebuild it, i make it stronger, so that next time, its harder to break. The crazy thing is, the last few heartbreaks have changed my life, both in negative and positive ways. the trick to not getting broken, is to build walls in front of your heart, to make yourself not be venerable, to fight feelings,to analyze the negatives, the possibilities, and wether or not its worth the risk of pain, making a trip to hell and back for. and if all of that is already defeated, distract yourself, workout, smoke, drink, watch movies, call your friends, party,but never just sit there in pain,cuz that, that my friend will kill you. with that being said, i am joining the united states marine corps. thanks to pain, thanks to my past, thanks to myself. i know 3 months of hell is long, but it will make me so strong, and i want that for myself.