Summertime Sadness | Teen Ink

Summertime Sadness

September 3, 2013
By plathfanatic GOLD, Elmont, New York
plathfanatic GOLD, Elmont, New York
10 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If there is a god, I bet he looks down at us and laughs at our foolish ways."

I had never been so entirely happy in all my life. I had no care in the world if anyone knew, all that mattered to me was the time I spent with him. Towards the end, five hours a day did not seem like enough, and I’d smile myself to exhaustion when he would ask to see me again. I was comfortable for once, to sit on a bench for hours and talk, better yet- listen. To say I haven’t been more fascinated by another individual ever before, wouldn’t even give it justice. Have you ever watched another person, really watch them? Have you ever watched the way they hide their face when they cannot express themselves properly, looked at the way their hands outline your own or the way they pull their lips in and bite their nails when something’s bothering them? I have. I was a virgin. It had never felt right, like second-nature to be with anyone on a physical level before. And although we weren’t dating, I didn’t have any negative feelings about it with him, ever. We weren’t dating sure, but all that mattered to me- was that my first time was with him. Do I regret it? No, and I don’t believe I ever will. No one has ever showed me such respect, curiosity or even love- in his own way, before. Love. There’s more than one meaning to it, be it romantic or the kind of love you feel for a family member or friend. I felt love for a friend that summer, a kind of love that kept pushing its way to the romantic kind. But we’re thousands of miles away from each other now, and although every bone in my body aches in disagreement, he believes that I’m better off without him. “You’ll find a great guy,” he tells me. Honestly? Those words hurt. As dramatic as it sounds, we’ve been friends for three years now- I know, I want him to be that guy. I want to talk to him about everything, I want to see him succeed, to hear his outrageous laugh and the serious tone his voice takes that makes my heart drop. I’d love to kiss him again, and to let him read my writing. I want to feel his hands on my face, to grab hold of his wrists and to listen to him speak. However, it’s September now and he’s pushing to be just friends again. I just wish he would believe me when I say, he doesn’t bring me down, only up.

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