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The Letter You Will Never See
Dear Soldier Man,
I know you are an ideal to me, but what an ideal you are. You are a man, a man who I trust and respect with ever fiber of myself and who commands the the same from everyone else. You bring out the best in me, showing how I can improve, how I can be stronger, how I can be better. You demand self improvement with a look, and you are my conscience.
With you I can talk for hours, on a range of subjects. I am always learning from you and you-I hope enjoy listening to me. I think of you when I don’t see you for a week and I wish we could spend more time together. I miss the days when you were just a house away and I could just knock on your door, entertaining a personal haven.
Sometimes we would watch movies, curled up on opposite sides of the couch with only our feet touching each other when we changed position.
Sometimes we would just talk. You can make me laugh like no one else can, and perhaps that is why when I leave, I feel like crying. Because you are no longer there.
I miss you making me french fries from your oven just as I miss the missed opportunity I had to be with you. Because you were just a friend to me then. And now you have moved on and I must move on too because I want to have you and your smile in my life, everyday of my life , even if you are just a friend. And maybe you will finally get Katie or fall for for someone else and I will smile and wish you all the happiness in the world because I need you and even if you are just a friend at least I won’t have to loose you.
I can dream that you care, that there was a meaning behind you actions yesterday, when you said good bye and you lifted me up in your arms and I was so happy and giggling because I was buzzing with endorphins and I didn’t want you to put me down.
And then I walked you to your car and we stood under the streetlights laughing and talking while I shivered in the cold but didn’t dare go back inside because I wanted to spend just one more minute with you and I didn’t know when I would be able to see you again.
You, who leaned so casually against your car and in your leather jacket and boots. The street light turned your hair to gold and I wanted to laugh with you and cry and kiss you all at once because talking with you brightens my day and and you’re enlisting soon and you just looked so handsome.
I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to have to plan out days when I can see you and listen to you tell me how I look like mom or make me laugh-or just to hear your voice. I know I have to let you live your life but still…I Love You, and I don't want you to ever know. Because now I'm just a friend to you, and to say anything else will make you leave.
Love,
The Girl Next Door
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