My Depression is something I am forced to deal with every day. Unless you have depression you cannot feel the pain that someone who has depression goes through. It is probably the worst feeling I have ever experienced. I chose this topic because most people don’t realize what it’s like to be an outcast and have everyone talking behind your back. Or to have people make rumors about you because they hate you. The feeling I am faced with is where I have so many different emotions happening all at once. I feel, like an empty shell, alone, scared, sad, sick, suicidal, and angry and I have a care free attitude which isn’t good. I grew apart from the activities I love, moved away from my close friends and become a loner.
Approximately 3 percent to 5 percent of the teen population experiences clinical depression every year. When I am feeling depressed I hide in my room. I like to be alone and being in the dark. Sometimes I will cry for hours or I just go to sleep and try to feel better. The range or scale of my depression is from ‘everybody hates me’ to ‘I wish I wasn’t alive’. Another thing I have to deal with is trusting people. Only trust the ones that you know the most because kids are jerks and they will talk behind your back. That happened to me once! I was talking to a ‘friend’ and I was telling him some of my personal secrets because I thought I could trust him, but he had me on speaker phone with all his friends there. I told him how I truly felt about someone and he was in the background! When I found out I cried because there are very few people you can trust besides family. Even one of my friends for a long time is always talking behind my back, I say I’m not her friend, but I always give up because I am just a nice person.

When you’re struggling with depression you’re your own worst enemy because you think too much. I think “Why do I have depression while everyone else gets to be happy?”, “Why can’t I be a good person?”, “I can’t take this anymore I am so tired of being sad.” I always feel like I want to cry and hide in a dark room, but sometimes it’s gets horrible. I will have a crying attack to where I am crying so much I can’t breathe. I get so angry at myself and at others that they don’t want to be around me. I ask myself this question all the time. “Why me?” The only logical explanation I can think of is it’s genetic. My mom has depression and my dad had chronic depression. Also bullying is a big issue with my depression also because I am classified as the nasty, loser, wannabe by teenagers at school. People make rumors about me and tell me how ugly I am and when I am depressed I believe them! I think “wow maybe they are right! There has got to be something wrong with me in order for them to torment me so badly!!” When people do bully me I feel depressed, angry, and alone. I feel like no one understands me. It has gotten to the point to where I don’t want to be here anymore, like people would be happier without me. I am in counseling to learn how to deal with it positively even though it will never go away. I am on meds even though I think I could take Tic Tacs better than that. I fear that I will always be sad and depressed, but there is nothing I can do about that. I listen to music, but nothing really helps except crying.
After I have a good cry I usually…feel less horrible. I just wish people would understand that being hurtful to other is horrible. I get so ticked off when someone feels the need to comment on something that doesn’t even involve them, or call you names behind your back. It’s like “Does it make you feel better knowing I cry because of all the hurtful things said about me? Is it not enough that I have depression and now I have to feel even lower because you think I am nasty!? I am so glad that you feel better after calling me ugly!” So being depressed sucks big time, but hey if you like feeling alone, angry, scared all at the same time then join the club! Depression is something I have to deal with every day and probably will for a long time, but I get through it and try not to feel…Alone.