Wasn't ready to let you go!

It was Friday December twenty- fourth two thousand eleven a wonderful day. It was the day my family and I were leaving my grandmother's house and headed home. We all went and said goodbye and said see you soon. I was on my way home and we were talking about how much we are blessed. Four months, go by and I have been texting my cousin every night. On Friday May fourth, two thousand and twelve was the last night I talked to her. The next day, everyone was having a good Saturday afternoon, my moms phone dings with a text. We all look at her seeing her expression as she is getting ready to speak. She reads the text out saying," Jordan has gone to heaven today to be with Taylor and her dad." The tears started to come down my face not stopping. I was done being strong I gave up it was to hard to handle. How could it be possible? I was just talking to her last night. She was gone in a blink of eye. I kept thinking it was a joke but then wondered why play around like that. I had to realize that this was reality and was never coming back.

I had to realize that this was reality and was never coming back. As I am walking on the dirt road, I see her car in the distance. As the aches fall from my hand and blow away so fast. I hold on to your necklace chained around my neck. All at moment everything comes back all at once. I grew up that day as things changed in a instances. I knew on Saturday May fifth, two thousand and twelve I was never going to be the same again. No matter how hard I try to pretend that never happened reality hits me hard like a brick. She was sent to heaven to be with the one and only Jesus Christ. I always took for granted of what I thought I would never lose, because I never thought it would ever happen to me. Saying goodbye is never easy but it was even harder saying it to you. You have taught me throughout, life to be strong and always keep moving forward no matter the situation. After, today's event I do not know if I can ever share a smile as beautiful as yours. I pray Lord that Jordan is in a safe place I love her so much. My heart aches I love you. I wish I said that to you seven hundred thousands times more this morning before you left the house.

I am hurt inside and out, I can not live without her, she is my best friend. I can not stop crying and I feel as though I can no longer operate anymore. What hurts the most is no matter how long I stand at the front door. She is not going to walk through the door and yell and say I am back. I think that is what hurts the most and I am having such a hard time accepting that she is not ever going to kiss me on the cheek. Many more, watch me grow up and see her gorgeous red lips. I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name out loud. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, from which I will not ever part. God has you in his arms, I have you in my heart. God put you where he wants you. Which does not make sense to me because I am hurting so much. I do not get why terrible things happen, but I have to believe that something good will come out of it. It is hard to understand why you had to go that day instead of later when I was grown up.

I wonder how I went from sitting on top of the world to losing the one person I cared the most about. Although, how can something good come out of her passing away.You taught me to look forward and never look back. But how am I suppose to move forward when I know you are not here?You touched my life and made a difference. Where am I suppose to go for the things you always told me that made a difference? That day changed my heart, some say for the better. You listened when I have, a problem and help dry the tears from my face. You took away my sorrow and substue it with happiness in place. I guess this is goodbye and a way of saying thanks for always being a shoulder to lean on. It is about that time when it is the hardest to figure out your not ever going to set foot in my life again. But I know you will be a Angel that I always have looking over me in the heaven. Was not ready to let you go still holding on harder then I have ever done. Keep thinking you will walk down from heaven and make this all go by and not come back.