It all started in the 1st grade. When i just found out that I was going to get held back just because of my English. In September I was back in the 1st grade. New teacher, new kids, new everything. At first I didn't understand what everything was. I was still a little girl so I didn't care. But the only thing that I didn't understand was why the other kids went up a grade. Why wouldn't anyone talk to me or would get near me.

It was now the 2nd grade. I now started to understand what was happening. Everyone hated me. They all thought I was just another stupid mexican. But I wasn't... well, that's what I thought at the time. I would only talk to one of the yard duty and she was my neighbor. I think that I would be annoying to her but she looks like she wouldn't mind. Also one of the things that bothered me was that my father was an alcoholic. He would go out and go get drank with family. I would get mad at him but he at the time didn't know what I was going thought.

5th grade was better. I made friends. For the first time seens I got held back i felt loved. Loved by them. We had lots of fun. We would laugh so loud! I can still remember all the awesome times that we had. Sometimes it sucked because since I was the Oldest out of all of them. It sucked because they all were very immature. They would laugh at something that was “funny”. This was also the year that I started to wear my Jacket. People would ask me lots of questions like “why are you wearing a jacket if its so hot?, Take off your jacket you’re going to faint or even I would hear people talk behind my back and say “ She is only wearing it for attention”.I wouldn’t and those words hurt. Those 7 little words hurt. Yes I would wear then when it would be more and about 90 degrees or even more outside. Why? Because I need it. People may think that its just a jacket, but to me its more than just a jacket. It's my protection shield. But People just don’t understand that.

Middle school came along. That didn’t get much better. The 6 grade was ok.The first day I stepped on campiest I saw one of my bullies. And the 1st thing that they said to me was “who known you would make it to middle school”. Yes their words did hurt. I just acted like it didn't bother me but it did. Still I would wear my jacket. The 7th grade came along fast. Towards the end of the 7th grade thing went to good to the worst it would . One of my so called “friend” told me one day that I dress like a lesbian. I just thought thought she was playing around with me. Later on in the week people started to call me a lesbian like if it was my name. I thought to myself is this what everyone thought of me? A lesbian? But how? why me? At this time I honestly didn't know what or who I was. All I known at this time that I was broken. A broken girl who doesn’t know what to do, act, or say. I just wanted to not go to school anylonger. I wanted to get homeschooled so badly. My parents said no. That I'm going to a good school and I would be happy to go to school and other stuff like that. I now don't take to the people I used to called "friends" now I just set along. At lunch I wouldn't eat. Why? Because I didn't want to go out and see and the happy people laughing and being with their friends. I would just set in one of my teachers room. Watched. Watched what people were doing and talking about.

Seen my "friends" stared taking sh*t about me I just would cry in class. Yes my classmates would see my tears. No I wouldn't care. Why? Because I wanted to show them that little things that people do can hurt. I also started to get depressed over stupid little things. Stared to think negative again. I would tell myself "everyone in this room hates you" "your family even hates you" "you're just another stupid person that has a life and don't know what to do about it" and many many more.

I still remember this one time that just made me cry to much. So I was in P.E and I was changing out and after I came back to my locker my jacket was gone. I started to panic. I couldn't believe that I lost my jacket. My shield. My protection. It was gone. So I just went on with my day but I was just dieing inside. I started to cry in class and I feeled like everyone was look at me. I feel so uncomfortable. At the end of the day some girls found it and one of them took it home to “wash” it for me. The next day she gave it to me saying that she found it in the locker room but other girl told me that she took it because they thought it would be funny. You know what it wasn't funny. It was stupid. Seen them it can't feel the some friendship that we had.

Another thing that I just can't take it anymore. The girls have a nickname for me. The chismosa (meaning gossipy or bigmouth) thats my nickname. But just tell me one thing. If a person I know it sad or unset I will go up to them and ask them ,what's wrong? or is there something I can do to help. And I ask them how is that being a chismosa? I'm just asking that's wrong and if that person is ok. How is that so bad?

Now I don’t talk to them anymore. My mom says that they're a bad influence. I’m with her. They are. I hope that I will soon find real friends that wouldn't care if i'm different but for now i'm lonely and friendless. I have no one to talk to. No one to ask for advice. No one to tell my problems to. I have no one and I bet that nobody even care about me and how unhappy I am right now. I will still fight until the end and I hope that god will be on my side to help me survive. My only wish is that people would stop being mean to other and to stop bullying. And this is my story and there's many more to come well this is just the beginning.