I’m standing there February 14th 2011, wondering will life become better? Will this the best choice? How would I survive with no friends for the first couple of days? Will I ever talk to my Mom again after what happened? So many questions swarming around in my little head. Why am I making this choice? Then I stop and think for a second, this isn’t my choice. 

The morning of Valentine's Day, a day to spread love in the air, but yet it’s the opposite. I was supposed to complete something I didn’t want to and I told my Dad. I also told my Mom but I told her I was telling my stepsister therefore, I lied. That’s where it all stared, a little tiny lie. The phone rang; anger coming from both ends except for the anger on my Mom’s end was anger at ME. What was going to happen? Was I going to continue at school? Was I going to attend somewhere else? I didn’t know.

The car ride to school came next. Still hearing the anger coming out of my Mom. Then it happened the words I had been dreading “I want nothing to do with her” it came out of my Mom’s mouth resonating it was nothing. Was it nothing to her? Did she even care? Did she know it felt as my heart just shattered into 100,000,000 tiny pieces?  We finally got to school; I was late so my Mom (should I even call her that?) walked in to sign me in.

“Bye Mom, I love you” nothing, not a single word back, and then it really hit me similar to a bus. I wasn’t going to have a Mom anymore.

I was greeted at my classroom door by one of my best friends, Mas.
“Hey Desi!” shouted Mas.
“Oh uh hey” I muttered
“What’s wrong you seem upset? Today occurs to be a day to be happy not bummed”
“Uh it’s a long story, you wouldn’t understand”
“Okay well if you want to talk about it I’m here for you”
“Thanks Mas you’re the best”

Two hours went by, just sitting there spacing off not paying attention to the teacher at all. Then lunchtime came, the time where everyone talked about everything. But I thought to myself, its Valentines Day we are watching a movie, no talking. I thought I was in the clearing for having to explain why I was so upset but then my friend Bobby came over to talk to me while getting my lunch.

“Hey Desi you seem really upset today. What’s wrong?”
“Oh its um nothing I’m fine.”
“Clearly your not, I know you all to well to buy that crap”
“It’s kind of hard to explain and it’s a long story I don’t want to talk about it”
“I respect that but can I at least have a hint of what’s wrong? I care about you too much to see you sad. But anyway to move off that subject, how’s life?”

But little did he know those were the words I was hoping he would never say. I started crying comparable to a newborn baby and I couldn’t control it. It was alike every ounce of tear I had was coming out, ALL. AT. ONCE. It felt as someone was hammering a nail into my head, pounding that hard! It also felt identical to my eyes being on fire, l wanted this pain to stop but I knew it wasn’t going to. I was wondering what would happen when I got home.

After explaining to Bobby the day was then over and it was time to drive home, I got home and there was 4-6 big black trash bags full.

“What are those?” I asked
“Its your stuff” said my Mom angrily
“Oh I understand”
“I want it ALL out of my house”
“Okay”

After about 20 minutes of silence my dad shows up and starts loading my stuff into his truck. I could have sworn that my dad was going to be very angry with me for him having to drive down and pick me up. But he wasn’t, he was very happy actually. I said goodbye to my Mom and all she said was “GOODBYE DESIREE”. I spent the next day moving into my dad’s house.  Then I had to attempt going back to school and tell ALL of my friends I was moving. That was very hard and I didn’t want to.

Now I’m sitting here September 8, 2014 answering all the questions I had asked myself a while ago. Wondering will life become better? Life stands great. Is this the best choice? The choices that were made worked out better for me than I would have ever thought. How would I survive with no friends for the first couple of days?

Obviously I survived and it wasn’t as bad as I though it was going to be. I made friends within the first three hours of being there. My first day of school was great! I love CLC the staff is great! Will I ever talk to my Mom again after what happened? My relationship with my Mom is okay but not great. I can honestly say I think this experience made our mother, daughter bond horrible I can’t erase that memory, I can’t just 1,2,3 forget about it. No, life doesn’t work even similar to that and no I don’t talk to my Mom very much anymore because I have no interest in being hurt comparable to that again. I still see her often but not as much. I hope to one day have a bond with my Mom that’s strong and ever lasting.