Pain can be felt physically or emotionally. In both instances there could be an immense amount of pain however, it also makes you stronger and in some instances makes you a smarter human being by not allowing you to make the same mistakes that can put you in a difficult situation. I’ve never been inside of a jail cell and hope I never have to. However, that became a reality to my big brother. A genuinely nice kid, whose mistakes led him to a path I knew not to follow.
The boys in my family were always close. We were usually all hanging out together, whether it was with friends, playing sports, at home, at school or the store. Being the baby, I grew up emulating everything my brothers said and did. The way I spoke, the way I dressed and the lessons I learned from watching them have stayed with me to this day. However, along the way, my middle brother who is four years older than me was detaching himself from us and started to try to find himself. He started hanging around with the wrong crowds and the more time away from us, the more trouble he got into. This was a recurring process, however the trouble he started to get in became worse and worse. The way he was acting, jail time was inevitable. Going away for such a short period of time, the first time around, was not too bad. Everyone was much sadder however we pulled together. It was not until the second time around where I started to reevaluate my life and my decisions.
“Take care of mom and dad J.” were the final words that he said to me while he was being escorted away courtroom. Tears going down my parents’ face, I was speechless. How could I, a fourteen year old boy take care of two grown-ups? Thinking back on it now, those words my brother spoke catapulted me to the life I am living, and for that I am thankful. This was no ordinary smack to the head, it was a devastating blow that impacted the whole family. I looked at my brother’s decisions, and told myself that I need to do better and do all I can to help out my family. Since my parent’s financially took care of me, I made it my job to do better in other aspects of my life. I tried to work as much as I could and make money to pay for my own things, I started to take school more seriously and athletics which has always been a big part of my life were the only things I cared about. I knew it was necessary to do this, and with all the hard work came the opportunity of a lifetime that changed my life and which set me on track to help my parents out in the long run.
My acceptance into Greens Farms Academy changed my life more than anyone could imagine. I credit this accomplishment to my brother, whether he knows it or not. I look up to all of my family members and have an immense amount of respect for them, however there was some sort of connection with my brother that triggered a change. This has been the greatest academic achievement that came to my family. I was honored to take up this incredible opportunity, however I was afraid as well. My whole life was going to change, I would be leaving all my friends, reclassifying to junior year again, and knowing virtually no one for the first few weeks of school. However, I was excited to start this new journey of my life even though the man that helped me get there was not able to see the joy and excitement in my decision to transfer schools.
“What’s up J? How’ve you been?” My brother would start every conversation the same way. “You know bro, same thing just another day.” I felt guilty saying this to him thinking back on it. He did not care what I said, he just wanted to talk. Two years passed and I haven’t mustard up the courage to see him yet. The least I could have done was let him see his little brother once or twice, however I just couldn’t. “So J, when are you coming up here?” “Next time mom and dad go up I will.” That was a lie. He heard that the past two years and I had no excuse on why I couldn’t come up the weeks before. However in these conversations, I could hear a change in his voice. He was thinking clearly now when he spoke. He did not just ramble or say whatever was on his mind at the time. Being away the past two years has calmed him down and he seemed like he has taken responsibility for his actions and this was something I admired. Even in the worst situations, he was able to turn a negative into a positive. Once he went away, I knew I had to find my own path, however now I acknowledge my brothers decision and knew that even though I am leaving the school I know so well, it’s time to make the most of my opportunity to join the GFA community.
Seven months have gone by and two weeks were left of summer before I started my new life at GFA. I built up the courage to finally go see my brother. However this time, my parents were not going up but my oldest brother and I were going together. Over two and a half months have passed and now the three brothers were going to be together once again. I had jitters waiting outside the door waiting for my brother. I hear a buzzer and the door opens, we walk in and sit down. A few minutes passed and I see him for the first time in years. I was ecstatic but speechless at the same time. It was as if I was staring into a mirror. From the eyes to the beard, everything was the same. My brother and I joke around now, saying one of us is better looking than the other, even though nobody can tell us apart unless they knew us since our childhood or took the time to look closely. I do not know what happened to the time when we sat down at the table. At one moment we were sitting down and laughing, next thing I know we are taking a picture together before our four hours are over. What I do remember was his face when we said goodbye. We said our goodbyes and a large weight was lifted off my shoulders.
School is off to a great start, I am staying on top of my work and doing well. My parents, who told me how happy they were about me going to GFA were even happier when they heard how well I was doing. They acknowledged that my brother had made bad choices and that they were so proud of me that I came to GFA. To this day, they do not know why I made the decision to change schools or the impact my brother has had on me. “Take care of mom and dad J” were the words that drove me. My parents tell everyone they speak to how proud they are of me and how I worked so hard to get to where I am now. This is the greatest academic opportunity that anyone in my family has had and I jumped on the opportunity, and their support has helped me. Basketball season began and I was motivated. I felt like a little kid again. Not only because I played the game I love but I have one of my biggest fans in the bleachers, my brother. Not even home a week he is at the first game he can make cheering me on.
Even though he is out and our family is whole again, I still feel as if he wants me to take care of everyone. I know I will, I may not be the strongest or the smartest person in the world, however the decisions I have made are leading me on track to where I can hopefully take care of my family and give them everything the deserve. From a young boy playing in youth leagues, to a varsity basketball starter, and all the obstacles I had to overcome along the way both academically and athletically, whether home or away, my family was always with me in spirit. If I could have, I would have done anything to protect my brother, however everything happens for a reason. I am grateful for waking up when opportunity came knocking on my door and not sleeping in and missing my chance to better not only my life but the lives of my family.