Have you ever wondered what depression is ? Not the definition, but what it really means to have depression ? I can tell you. I can give you examples because, well, I live with it everyday of my life and I can't just turn it off like a light. It's more than just sadness. There is a certain type of depression, called Manic Depression, this is the curse that I happen to live with and here is my definition for it.

Waking up has got to be the hardest part. Opening your eyes, knowing you have to get up and live life for a whole day again is the most painful thing to comprehend. I have my good days, days where I spring out of bed, thus the "manic" part comes it. My mood is extremely bipolar. In moments I can go from happier than a butterfly to being depressed and miserable. The worst part about waking up happy is that no matter what I do, those are the worst days I have.

Having Manic Depression is like having a sumo wrestler on your back. You're weighed down, tired, and weak. Finding pleasure is just about impossible and when you do it does last. Not even for half an hour. If you're lucky you find something that can keep you happy until it or they're gone. For me I have a town, Lytle, Texas. I moved from there in October of 2014. When I go to visit, nothing stands between me and smiling. The twist to that is the moment I leave, I fall into a deep depression for a few days. That's one of the worst parts about this disease. If you get happy, pain and sadness will always find a way in and ruin it. Its almost like you're never safe--you're never alone. Depression will always be there. Always.


Some people learn to deal with it. Some don't. Some can't cope with this never ending pain because its like free falling into a never-ending abyss. This is when self-harm comes into play. This subject is very touchy because many people like to say they do it for attention. Well I'm here to set some things straight. People don't cut for attention. They do it to feel alive. So they know they're still here. Telling someone that they cut for attention is extremely painful. It only makes matters worse.


Sometimes people can't explain what they're feeling when they have Depression. This is because it really is unexplainable. All people are different so they handle and see things differently. So I'm not saying that this is how everyone with Depression feels, I'm simply expressing my findings in the matter. So next time you plan to judge a person, try to see things in their shoes because you never know what they're feeling deep down.