Yknow, I always wonder if life is worth living.

I’m in the middle of my second stint of homelessness, and to be honest, something tells me I’ve at least another few stints of homelessness to go.

For some people, faith is their answer. They believe God, or who or whatever they decide to believe in, has some kind of set path for them.

I’m not one of those people.

I can’t take something seriously unless I have experienced it, or know beyond a doubt it is real. So for me, faith, God, all of that, it’s just not for me.

So what is left after that?

Family? Friends?

Well, family for me certainly isn’t up there. I was never that close with them. My dad and I barely ever talked. I kid you not when I say we exchanged maybe on average 10 words a week. My mom abandoned me as a baby. I don’t know her name or even what she looks like. My stepmother was a jerk. I never liked her and quite frankly I’m pretty sure she would say the same of me. I have three sisters as well, but I was never that attached to any of them either.

How about friends? What about them. I barely know anything about the people I befriend. In truth it’s probably my fault. In a lot of ways I’m a coward. The thought of opening up to another person is terrifying. I mean if I couldn’t do that with family, how can I possibly do that with others? It’s a fear I’ll probably have for my entire life.

So what’s there for a person like me, who’s too cowardly to open up to anyone he’s ever met, and has no faith that there is some mystical plan that some higher power is guiding me on?

I have zero idea. It’s not as though anyone counts on me. Sure, my family would be sad for a bit, my friends would be sad for a bit, but I mean it’s not like I’m needed in any way shape or form.

Maybe if I keep pushing on I’ll figure out what I’m here for.

Maybe I won’t. Who knows.

But for now, all I can do is push forward with both legs and keep on going.

And I do suppose that one day I could always give up. End it.

But today isn’t that day. Not yet. But tomorrow is always another story.