Dear Mom,

You’ve been gone almost four years now, and I want to take the time to embark on some of the oldest memories that I have with you, along with what I miss most about you.  I now realize that you won’t be with me for circumstances like making varsity basketball my sophomore year, advice on boyfriends, buying my prom dress my junior year, big birthdays, graduating high school, sending me off to college, calming my nerves on my wedding day, and holding the first grandchild that I have someday. All those have pits and pieces have one thing in common, you won’t be there with me in any of those situations.

I’ve always wanted to tell you that I am so grateful for everything you did for me throughout my life, and I know now that I look so much for granted.  You were always the perfect mother figure.  Whenever I think back to a happy memory, it almost always involved you in it.  One of the many memorable times was when I got my first major concussion from playing basketball in seventh grade.  I, of course, had to sit on the bench the rest of the game.  I started bawling, so you sat with me and hugged me.  Then after the game was over, you took me out for ice cream.  Now, whenever I end up hurt in basketball, I always think of you there beside me helping me with whatever was happening.

Children always remember what their parents gave them when they grew up.  For me, it was a Shetland pony named Rocky.  Along with you giving me Rocky, I remember that I wanted my pony to be a “bucking bronco,” so I put on a pair of spurs from the tack shed and saddled up! Altogether, you ended up having to take away the spurs because of the way that I treated Rocky. That was probably the first time I felt like I disappointed you and felt really bad. From then on, everything that I did was to make you proud of me. 

Another prominent memory of you is how hard you worked for everything that you needed or wanted. You worked hard for everything including your family, your fire department, your hospital job, your community, and everything else in your life. While homeschooling us five kids, you did all the house work, was always on call for the fire department and the local EMS. Helped Dad with the farming and his business, and still had plenty of time to do fun activities with all your kids who adored you more than you could ever know. 

My least favorite memory of you had to be a few hours before you died. You brought me home from spending at least an hour arguing with you. Some of the dumb things I argued with you were things like not taking me to hang out with my friends at the Fall Festival. Of course, seeing what happened shortly after that, now I regret everything that I said to you. You only think of those things happening in movies, but sometimes they happen for real.

One of the last things I want to share with you is that no matter how old I am, I will always love and miss you mom. You were more than just my mother. Mom you were my best friend, my favorite person. I always knew that’d you’d be there for me whenever I needed you, no matter what. That realization is really hard to comprehend, but it’s the cold and hard truth that I have to spend the rest of my life without my favorite person in the world.

It was about eight hours later that I was awoken from my sleep, to hear the news that you had gotten into an ATV accident in the Blue Hills and had died. I can still picture it all in my head to this day. Noel, my second oldest sister’s eyes and face were drenched in tears. Solomon (my younger brother) was sitting on the couch between my Dad, who was also crying and kept repeating the words, “Why Angel? Why did Angel have to go?” I remember crying and my head felt like it had sharp nails going into my skull. I imagined this thought into my head, “Who is going to be there for me, my mom was always that person?” and “Why my mom, of all people in the world?!” I thought of all the people that I knew, and how they have lost a parent. But I never thought that I would ever lose you.

I hope that someday I am at least half the person that you were during your shortened life. Still to this very day I see people that knew you, and they come up to me and talk about how good of a person you were and how much they miss you. I hope that people say some of the things they always called, and still do call you even to this day. You were an amazing woman, and I wish you were still here helping me get through things like high school and my teenage years.

With all the love in the world,

Gabrielle