The act of kindness is in our blood; it’s a trait that we were born with. We as humans are built on the idea that everyone must exude kindness to one another. It’s as if there’s this force pushing on our brain telling us that we should take an extra effort to be kind to people. Whether the act is small like holding the door open for the injured man in a wheelchair, or big like buying the homeless man on the side of the road holding a ripped up cardboard sign that reads “Hungry, Homeless, No Family” a nice juicy hamburger from the nearby fast food chain. These acts of kindness are practically human nature. We do this because we want other people to be happy, without expecting anything in return. We take ourselves out of the picture to simply benefit those around us who we see are in need. Yet, in today’s fast paced world, we don’t necessarily do this anymore. Yes, we still of course strive to be kind to others, but a lot of the time nowadays, we be kind because we have to be, not because we ourselves want to. What I mean by this is when we see someone who clearly needs help or comfort, we will, if anything, go up to that person and talk to them because our parent/friends forced us to do so. We may not want to and you may think there will be something in it for you if you talk to the person in need in comfort, but there isn’t. There is a word for people like this- those who act in a kind manner only to impress someone else or to receive something in return- and that word is niceness.

Niceness. Yeah that’s right, niceness. I know you, like many others, most likely believes that niceness and kindness are synonyms, which in a sense they are because in both definitions one is doing the right thing, regardless of the circumstances, to help someone who needs it. However, there is more to their definitions than just that. There is a mental piece to them too, not just the action. A person who is nice is a person who doesn’t really want to do something, but they do because they know their action will help someone else. Take for instance a friend of mine who was performing in a talent show. An hour or so before the show began, she came over to me hyperventilating with sweat glistening on her forehead and asked me if I wanted to do yoga with her. Yoga? I was puzzled. Why would I want to do yoga at 6:00 at night in the school auditorium? I didn’t. There would be people staring at us and people gawking, I didn’t want to have any part in that. Plus, I had to run home to help out my mother with something she deemed “important”. Therefore, I really didn’t want to stand in a busy auditorium with my hands stretched out on opposing sides of my body going “ommmm”. But I saw how nervous she was and I know acting in the talent show is important to her so I sucked it up said what the heck. I called my mom and told her I wouldn’t be able to help her out, so she got my sister to do so. My friend was very happy that I agreed to do yoga with her. She even gave me a hug. While we were doing it, I could see her stress start to ease from her face. She was calming down which allowed her to be cool, calm, and collected in the talented show so that she could perform to the best of her abilities. Now, I know what you’re thinking, it was very kind of me to help my friend out like that. Yeah, the act itself was indeed kind, but my intent was not. I didn’t want to do yoga with her because of my own insecurities and responsibilities, but I did because I didn’t want to see my friend so stressed out. That is not kind, it’s nice. If I immediately thought to myself, “Yes, oh my gosh yes, I need to help her out, her needs are more important than mine,” then I would be kind. But I didn’t. I thought about why I didn’t want to do yoga with her, which means I was instead being nice.

To be kind, one must help someone out without thinking about all the reasons why you don’t want to do it. You do because you want to help them from the get go and because you want to help them because you know they need help more than you do.

When my uncle was younger, he would always be kind. He did things because he truly genuinely cared about people and thought of their needs as more important than his own. One instance that really stands out to me was when he saw young, single mother with four crazy kids by her side at Market Basket, the “Big Y” of eastern Mass. The woman appeared to be in a lot of distress; her clothes were torn, her kids were wildly running around the aisle, and her supplies she placed in her carriage shouted, “I’m a single mom who is desperately trying to get her life in line.” Such items included chips, pizza, “diet” coke, and several books that all shared a theme of “How to be happy.” After watching her for a couple of minutes, my uncle approached her and after talking to her for a few minutes, he offered to pay for all her items. My uncle insisted. The women stood with a look of surprise and amazement on her face. After he checked out her items at the register, and let me tell you, the number that shown on the screen was rather high, the woman’s smile was the biggest, most radiant smile I have ever seen. I have not seen a woman in her situation gleam so brightly. My uncle felt this women needed help from the get go and he gave it to her, without putting his own needs before hers. He went out of his way to pay for her groceries when he could’ve just said “well that price is your problem not mine,” but he didn’t and that is what I call a true act of kindness.    

Kindness and niceness are in fact two different things, regardless of your prior beliefs. Kindness is something all humans are born with, while niceness is something we adapt later in life based off of our busy lives and, at least for some, our selfishness. It’s like society overpowers our ability to be kind to others and instead fills its place with this trait called niceness. Kindness is genuine, niceness is not. Going out of your way to pay for someone’s groceries who is struggling with their life, like my uncle did, is kindness, but not wanting to do yoga because your own needs are more important than that of others but helping them anyways to make them feel better, like I did, is rather niceness. We should all be the genuine kind people we were born to be, and not replace that amazing quality with niceness. Niceness isn’t genuine, but kindness is.