Most fifteen-year-old girls are dealing with things like adapting to high school or trying to win over the heart of their favorite band member they're convinced they're going to marry. Now, don't get me wrong, when I was that age I obsessed over my fair share of band members; however, that wasn't the only thing I was dealing with. See; when I was fifteen I was diagnosed, more or less, with depression and was experiencing this profound state of numbness that no one seemed to notice. At the age of fifteen, I also went into therapy for a suicide attempt. However, ironically enough, during that therapy I had noticed that I had a purpose, and I just needed to find it.
       

At the prime age of fifteen I felt so numb and so lost that I almost took my own life. One might wonder how this came to be. Contrary to popular belief, no, this wasn't me being the poster child for teens experiencing their parents getting divorced, and, no, this wasn't me in my “emo” phase. As the days went by, I just kept feeling more and more lost, and one day I just felt so despondent and so hollow that I didn't think I really had a purpose or needed to be alive. At that time, I would've bet you twenty dollars that if you knocked on me, all you'd hear was an echo. However, at the same time, if you tried to knock on me, my angsty self probably would've tried to stab you or something. Anyway, that night I told my mom I felt like I didn't have a purpose or if I did that I already fulfilled it and didn't need to be here anymore. She told me that if I already fulfilled my purpose then my other purpose was to stay here with her. That was the gist of that conversation. Later that night she walked in on me right before I did the deed, and needless to say, I'm not allowed my own pencil sharpeners nor am I allowed to be in possession of painkillers without adult knowledge.
       

Nine and a half months and a whole bunch of hell later, I had experienced my first therapist, along with an acupuncturist and a few reiki sessions. Had you told me before all of that, that I would be doing all those things, I probably would've laughed at you, but during that school year, with the help of those professionals, I found my purpose. I also joined Speech Team and Choir my freshman year, at fifteen, and found my purpose. My therapist, Alissa, told me, and I'll never forget it, “Your purpose is what you love to do mixed with how you can use it to help others.”
       

By the end of my freshman year, I had found that my soul’s purpose was to perform, and to create, music mostly. With the help of the amazing people I met in Choir and in speech that year, and with the help of my therapist, I found my purpose. Someone who, less than a year prior, had so much emptiness she didn't know what to do with, found her purpose that she didn't think she had. I had found the music in my life, and I had made my existence anything but hollow. In my cliché opinion, I believe that things do get better no matter the situation and that everyone has a purpose in life--some just need to look harder than others.