This is great. I love it so much. Super mind when it comes to writing:) Keep it up.

I started reading it--I've gotten through about the first 3 chapters--and I think you're doing a good job. Don't worry, I'll finish it after the changes are done! A couple things, however (I hope you don't mind, I'm going to get a little nit-picky)  1) In the beggining, you say, "friends with the monsters that's under my bed" Grammatically speaking, though, it should be friends with the monsters that are under my bed, or friends with the  monster that's..."  2) "...around the newborns" should be newborn's 3) "But the worst is that randomly strewed around were dead bodies." strewn, not strewed 4) "There laughter in his voice" There was laughter in his voice 5) "reacting impassively in re the situation"
I think you forgot to fully backspace a wrod... :) 6) "Well as normal as you can be when you have 2 dead parents" This one doesn't matter a whole lot, but two would probably be a better use than 2.  7) Especially in the beginning, there were a lot of big words. I am definitely not against them, but sometimes they can make it seem a little forced. Just be careful and use them sparingly. Simple vocabulary can be just as effective as fancy words, and make it flow better.   I loved the line, "So what I’m trying to say here is that there is never going to be one moment in your life that will..." That section. I smiled, re-read it, and went, "That was cool"  So thumbs up there!   You did a good job, and I'm not trying to criticize everything! :) I am interested in how it turns out--and it definitely seems to improve as it goes along. Keep it up!     

This is amazing! Super interesting, it's held my attention the entire time. Do not stop writing this book, I have to know how it ends. I love that you're putting quotes, poems, and songs at the beginning of each chapter. "Fire and Ice" is my absolute favorite poem. Fantastic job, I'm looking forward to the rest.