I’m on a ship. I don’t notice anything out of the ordinary right away, but I do notice that I’m outside, and it’s nighttime. I hear a door open and some people walking, so I walk over to the door without being seen and slip inside. Woah. This building is magnificent. It’s a lovely room with a staircase that is grand. This ship is made for rich people! As I make my way down the stairs, I notice a woman with a giant sun hat running toward me.

“Oh, my heavens! A cat! He’s so adorable! ..But very thin. He needs some food!” The lady exclaims. I like where this is going. I could go for some food right now, especially rich people's food!

“Come here baby, let’s get you something to eat.” The woman extends her arms out, and I hop right into them. Hey, she mentioned the food! Who wouldn’t want free rich people's food?

She carries me to this room and sets me down on the bed. I assume this is her room. Wait for a second, hold on. Holy McChicken! This lady is rich as can be! This room is fancy! The wallpaper is white with gold trim, the door is beautiful, and the bedsheets are a beautiful navy blue! I’ve hit the jackpot!

The lady comes back with a bowl full of cat food. Even though I’m unsure how she got it, I don’t care. She’s rich, she probably paid another person for some cat food. She’s awesome. I start eating the food, and it is delectable.

“Eat up darling! I think I’m going to name you... Princess!”

I almost spit out my food. I can’t believe what she just said. Princess? Did I hear that right? Princess! You’ve got to be kidding me! Never in my life have I ever been insulted this way! I can’t believe you are disrespecting me like t- CRASH!

“What was that?!” The lady exclaimed. Hey, I don’t know either lady, but if I did, I’d tell you, that and a few other things too. She waits for a minute, I guess to make sure nothing else will crash, and says, “I will assume nothing until I am told so.”

Abruptly, a man runs into the room and hands her a lifejacket. They talk for a moment, while I think. So, we’re on a boat. Boats are in the water. Water is… I don’t like water. To drink? Sure! Water is lovely. To swim in though? Absolutely not, I have standards! I would never swim in water unless my life depended on it! …Hold on, I just fixed my problem! If she’s rich, I shouldn’t have to swim! Since I just figured out my problem, I decided to tune back into the conversation.

“Princess has to come with me!” The lady shouts.

“But ma’am!” The poor steward protested.

“I said she’s coming with me! Come here, Princess!” The lady demands.

“I’m not sure cats are allowed on lifeboats, ma’am.” The poor stewart replied.

“You will find out or I will call your manager!” The lady snaps.

“Alright, fine, your cat can board the lifeboat, ma’am. But this decision does not reflect poorly on the Titanic or the White Star Line! Got it?” The poor steward snapped back.

Wow, I didn’t expect that. The lady seems shocked because she waits for a while until she answers.

“Thank you, sir, you’re very kind!” The lady exalts.

“...No problem ma’am.” The poor stewart replied hesitantly.

“Now, I’ll get my stuff, and you can hold Princess!” The lady tells the steward, handing me to him. We look at each other, and he looks frightened. I wonder why he’s scared.

“Ma’am, I cannot watch your cat. I must make sure all passengers know about this lifeboat drill! It’s just a drill. There is no need to bring your luggage along!” The steward explains.

“Well, fine, I’ll just take Princess and go and get on a lifeboat. But if this drags out for more than an hour, I’m going to be mad!” The lady scolded.

“Alright ma’am, okay, I understand.” The steward mumbled, set me down gently, and left.

“Well Princess, I’m sorry you had to hear me yell.” The lady apologized, walking closer to me, then picking me up, “I would never just leave you here while I go off the ship, even for a drill! … But something tells me this isn’t just a drill. I think it had something to do with the commotion we heard.” The lady explains to me. I mean, I understand. That steward, unless always frightened like that, seemed off. Maybe he wasn’t just scared of her, but of what was going on.

“Now, we mustn’t dilly dally, Princess, especially if this isn’t just a drill. I overheard a couple talking yesterday while I was taking a stroll on the top deck. I didn’t mean to spy, but I heard them say something about a shortage in lifeboats. I’d hate to be stuck on this darned ship if worse comes to worst.” The lady said, trying to keep calm. I understood. There could be an emergency, and we don’t want to be last.

So, we raced out of the room. When we got into the hallways, it was crowded and loud. Multiple people were yelling, some crying, others even arguing in a foreign language. I wonder what would happen if I just… leave? I mean, nothing bad, right? The lady would forget about me, and she would be safe, I hope. Well, maybe I’ll just slip out of here, and nobody will notice.

Go onto chapter 4.

Only this time, it looks like I’m… I don’t know where I am. I look around, attempting to see anything that could give me a clue as to where I’m at. It’s a beautiful, sunny day. It looks like it’s summer. I hear the birds chirping and I can feel the hot sun on my fur. All I see are some houses, which have a lot of windows. Holy Filet-O-Fish! There’s an awfully big house just ahead! Maybe rich people are living there!

I start running as fast as I can towards the giant house. Food, oh I hope they have food! I’m sure they do, but I really hope so! Once I get close to the house, I see people guarding the door. Hmm… How do I get past them? What if I made a distraction? That just might work. I run to the side of the house and make a loud “MEOW!” I start running towards the front of the house, and before I’m there, I hear the two guards conversing.

“Huh? What was that?” I heard a guard say.

“Did you hear it too?” Another guard said.

“Sounds like… an injured cat, maybe?” The first guard asked.

“We should go check, just in case!” The guard man cried, then both started running behind the house.

Perfect. They even left a crack in the door for me. I walk in carefully and notice that it looks like a courtroom. Nobody notices me, so I try to keep it that way. I hear them calling out names, like role-call.

“John Adams?” A man asks.

“Here.” A man, whom I assume is John Adams, replies.

“Samuel Adams?” The man asks again.

“Present,” Samuel Adams replies. (Or so I assume).

Ugh, this will take forever! I try to count the people in the room, but I forget how to count after five. Well, there are a lot of people here. I wait for a while, but then curl up for a nap. I’m sure I won’t be missing much. When I wake up, they’re still doing roll-call!

“Thomas Jefferson?” The man asks.

“Here.” Thomas Jefferson responds.

“James Madison?” The man asks again.

“Here.” James Madison replies. Wow, this is insufferable. I don't know how that man keeps listing off names without falling asleep! Even though I’m sort of fed up, I do hear one name that sounds familiar.

“Alexander Hamilton?” The man asks.

“Here, sir!” Alexander Hamilton replies.

Now, where have I heard that name? I swear I’ve heard of him! Maybe I’m not that far back in time! Wait, that girl! That’s it! She sings that song with his name in it! That musical… Hamilton! It’s about this dude! Wait until she hears about this! Oh wow, she’ll feed me lots! Thinking about food makes me hungry, though, which makes me want to go home. I don’t even understand why I’m here.

Well, while I’m here, I better cause some chaos!

My ultimate plan to create chaos is to stealthily walk to the man taking roll-call and sit on his desk! This will be the perfect prank! I get up and stretch, then start slowly walking to the front. They’re all too busy talking that they’ll never even notice! When I reach the front, I jump onto the desk and just lay there, hearing the chaos ensue.

“How did a cat get in here?!” Someone asks.

“What? A cat? Maybe it’s spying on us!” Another person responds.

“Aww, let’s name him Mr. Independence!” Thomas Jefferson suggests, then clears his throat, “I, um, mean, what’s a cat doing here?”
“Alright everybody, now settle down! It’s just a cat, it won’t hurt anybody! See?” The man at the desk says and picks me up, showing me off to the panicked crowd.

“Meow!” I say as a greeting.

“He’s so cute! Can we keep him?” Alexander Hamilton asks.

“What? That’s absurd! Of course, we can’t keep him!” The man holding me responds.

“Are you sure, sir? Maybe we need a cat here… to boost morale!” Alexander Hamilton exclaimed.

“Yeah, it’ll help us get more work done!” Thomas Jefferson beamed.

“Wow, you two getting along over a cat? It’s a miracle! So, you see George, we do really need to keep this cat.” John Adams states.

“...Fine, we’ll keep the cat, but we must finish the other business first!” The man holding me, whom I assume is George, passes me off to Thomas Jefferson, who carries me off to his seat.

When he sits down, he sets me in his lap. They talk some more, and all I can think about is the possibility that they’ll feed me soon after they’re done. What more could a cat want? Thomas Jefferson pets me as they talk about things. Hmm.. I should come back to this timeline later. Right now though, I’m tired and want to go home. Let’s get this over with. “Meow, Meow, Meow!” I exclaim

Go onto chapter 4.

Suddenly I’m taken back to the McDonald’s parking lot. The mysterious man is still here, waiting for me. Before I can even say anything he beat me to it.

“McRib! You’re back!” Karl beamed.

“Yes, I am. Now can we go home please?” I ask.

“Of course! Follow me, we’ll get you home now.” Karl said, walking towards his car in the parking lot. Let’s get this show on the road!

Karl opens the door for me, and I jump into his car. I don’t care about what the car looks like, I’m just glad I’m going home. Karl starts up his car and then we’re on the road. He’s playing some weird song, something about “turning back time” or whatever. I have bigger things to worry about anyways, like me going home. I can’t wait to get home and take a nap! I’m kind of tired now though. Hmm… I could just take a nap here and at home! I like that idea. I’m so smart. Before I fall asleep though, I have a question for Karl.

“Hey, Karl? What exactly were you trying to find out by me time-traveling for you?” I ask Karl.

“Hm?” Karl turns down the radio, “Well, I was trying to find out how badly a cat can mess up time paradoxes and stuff.” He says.

“Okay, well, what did you find?” I question him.

“To my knowledge, unless otherwise proven, a cat cannot mess up the timeline, since they are just a cat.” Karl explained, “But, I just haven’t noticed anything big change. I’m sure you may have affected small things, but nothing too major.”

“Oh, well then, alright. I’m glad you could find that out for… whatever reasons you needed that knowledge for.” I say. I don’t really care why he needed to know that, I’m just tired. I yawn and say, “Well, I’m taking a nap now.”

“Okay, McRib. Have a good nap.” Karl whispers, turning the radio back up just enough so he could hear it, but not too loud. I curl up into a ball and fall asleep while Karl silently jams out to the song on the radio.

“McRib! Wake up! Do you want something from McDonald’s?”

I hear Karl ask, and groggily wake up. Huh? McDonald’s? Of course! He stopped to get me food! He’s so nice.

“Obviously I want McDonald’s!” I manage to say, and he orders at the drive-thru.

“Welcome to McDonald’s, what can I get ya?” The lady at the drive-thru asks.

“I need a… McRib, what do you want?” Karl says, then looks at me.

“A McRib sandwich and a large Diet Coke please,” I answer back.

“Alright, I need a McRib sandwich-” Karl says, but gets cut off.

“Sir? …What is a McRib sandwich? We’ve never had that menu item before.” The lady explained, “Is this some kind of joke?”

As soon as she asked what a McRib was, Karl and I both looked at each other. Holy Big Macs! We are both on the same page without even saying anything.

Yeah, totally Karl, cats can’t mess up timelines and paradoxes and stuff! They’re just “minor characters!” I don’t think it’s very minor when my McDonald’s McRib was never invented! We have to fix this!

After I get home, of course! Karl drives me home in complete silence and drops me off. I get out of the car and sit on the porch. All I can think about is the McRib sandwich. …But, as the famous saying goes, “The McRib, back for a limited time!” I had never felt this statement to be so true before in my life until this day.