~~~~










Dec. 5










I woke up and started my regular routine. Smile exercises, breakfast, and once again, I had to drive Lilly to school. Since she seemed to have gotten my message yesterday, I decided I didn’t need to reinforce it. When I pulled up to Lilly’s school, she was out of the car before I could speak to her, even if I’d wanted too. I rolled my eyes and drove away.
When I got to school, I saw Nicky getting out of her car. I was annoyed by the fact that the only open parking place was next to hers. I grudgingly pulled in. She smiled when she saw that it was me. ‘Why did I have to be the one that she was obsessed with?’ I thought. When I got out of the car, Nicky was at my side immediately. “Hi Erin,” she said smiling.
“Hello Nicky.” I returned her smile. I‘d promised myself not to let her get me aggravated. She seemed happy that I was so outgoing. “What’s your first class?” I asked trying to sound enthusiastic.
“Math. How about you?”
I bit my lip, trying not to show my frustration. “Oh. Me too.”
“That’s great; we can get to be good friends.”
I took a deep breath, “Ya.” I smiled unconvincingly.

We walked to class together; all the while Nicky was blabbering on about every thing under the sun. I tried to ignore her, answering with um’s and awe’s. When we got to class, she kept talking until the teacher interrupted her. ‘Thank goodness this is the last day of school’ I thought.
The rest of the day went by the same. By the time school was over, Nicky’s incessant chattering had already worn me thin. I tried to time it so that I would get out of class and get to my car with out being spotted by Nicky (which was hard considering the fact that I was parked next to her). I looked around and didn’t see her any where. I walked to my car with out being spotted. When I got to the parking lot, Nicky was waiting for me by her car. I took a deep breath. “Hello Nicky.” I said bitterly. She looked at me surprised, I wasn’t doing a vary good job of hiding my frustration. “Hey.” She hesitated. “I hear your parents are having a Christmas party?” I almost took a swing at her. “Ya, I guess so.”
“You don’t sound very excited?” she said.
“Oh no! I can’t wait.”
“Oh. Well, I know I’m new and all, but can I come?”
This took me way off guard. “Excuse me?” my façade shattered.
“I mean I’m not inviting myself or anything. I was just wondering if I missed the invitations.” She corrected herself, sensing my hostility. I took a deep breath and collected myself. “No you haven’t missed the invitations.” I said through clenched teeth. She looked at me, “You don’t like me do you?” She asked. ‘What tipped you off?’ I thought. “No I do like you, it’s just, I have a lot going on right now,”-‘ya like plotting my sisters’ death’- “and I’m not in a very good mood.” That was the best excuse I could come up with (as pathetic as it may be.).
“Ok.” She seemed to have bought it. Annoying and gullible.
“I’ll talk to my parents about inviting you.” I said obviously trying to end the conversation.
“Thanks. Well I guess I’ll see you then, and if not next year?”
“Sure.” I said half heartedly. She waved, got in her car and drove away.
I got in my car and pulled out of the parking lot. I thought about what to do as I drove to pick up Lilly. I couldn’t decide whether to act the part of friend in hopes of being able to use her to my advantage some time in the future, or to forget about her. I reminded myself that I had a very hard time acting around her, and that if I snapped at the party I would be revealing myself for what I really was. So I decided to ignore her. And with my luck my parents would end up inviting her to the party anyway.
When I got to Lilly’s school, she was sitting on the curb as she was yesterday. I noticed that her curly red hair, which she typically wore back, was hiding her face. When she got in, I looked at her in the rear view mirror. “What happened to your face?” she had a huge bruise on her cheek. She jumped, surprised that I was talking to her, “Oh, I got in a fight.” She said quietly.
“With who?” I started to drive towards home.
She looked at me, surprised again. “Some girl in my class.”
“Over what?”
“She tried to steal my lunch money.”
“Hum.” ‘So the wimp shows some backbone.’ I thought. ‘Interesting’.
We drove in silence the rest of the way home. When I pulled into the drive way, I turned to look at her. “Did you get in trouble?” I asked. “No.” she said as she picked up her backpack. “So you didn’t get caught?” I asked.
“No. Why are you so interested?” She asked warily.
“None of your business, brat!” I retorted hostilely. She sunk down into her seat, “Sorry,” she said quickly. She held her breath waiting for my response.
“What ever.” I got out and slammed my door. Lilly did the same and we walked to the front door.
When we walked in to the house, our mother was coming down the stairs. Before anyone even had a chance to say anything, our mother was racing down the stairs. “Lilly! What happened to your face?!” She said in alarm. I saw Lilly struggling and decided to answer for her, “She got in a fight.”
Lilly gave me a hateful look. “A girl was trying to steal my lunch money,” she said before our mother could come to any conclusions.
“Lilly! You know that you should never hit people!” My mother scolded.
“But she hit me first!”
“It doesn’t matter!”

I rolled my eyes and walked to my room. I’d heard that speech several times myself, ‘don’t hit people’ ‘turn the other cheek’, the usual.
I closed the door behind me when I entered my room. I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes. I was tired from the amount of acting I had had to do because of Nicky. I fell asleep almost immediately.
I woke up with someone knocking on my door. I got up and yawned. When I opened my door, I was surprised to see that it was Lilly who had knocked. “What do you want?” I asked hostilely. She cowered, “Mom wants me to tell you that dinner is ready.” She said it so fast I almost couldn’t make it out, and then ran away. I slid my hand down my face trying to wipe away my fatigue.
I quickly changed my clothes and went down stairs. When I got to the dining room, my sister and father were sitting at the table and my mother was just coming out the kitchen door with dinner. I walked to my seat and sat down. “Hi dad.” I said cheerfully. “Hey Erin, how was school?” my father asked as my mother sat down. “Oh, fine. Boring.” I said. My parents both chuckled. “How about you Lilly?” He said. I saw Lilly become tense. Obviously she hadn’t told him yet. I leaned back in my chair, pleased I hadn’t missed her confession. I looked at Lilly and noticed that she had her bruise completely hidden behind her hair. “Oh, it was, uh,” she hesitated, “good.” My mother looked at her intensely, “Lilly,” she said warningly. Lilly looked at her pleadingly, and then quickly gave up. “I got in to a fight at school today.” She admitted quietly. My father looked at her, “Did they hit you first?”
“Yes. And she was trying to steal my lunch money.” She added the last sentence as an afterthought.
“Oh well in that case, good for you. You should always defend yourself.” He said proudly. I could see Lilly’s relief. My mom looked at him with disapproval. My father noticed her expression and quickly changed the subject, “So Erin. There’s a new girl at your school isn’t there?” He said this purposely avoiding my mothers glare.
“Yes.” I replied warily.
“Her name’s Nicky right?”
“Yes.”
“I met her mother today. She seemed nice.”
“Hm…” I didn’t like where this was heading.
“I mentioned that we were having a Christmas party-“
“You invited them?” I asked in a low, controlled voice.
“Well, yes. I thought since they were new, it would be nice, you know, like a welcoming. And I thought it would be good if you and Nicky could be friends.” He said encouragingly. “A girl your age needs someone other then her family to talk to sweetie.” My mother added. I clenched my fists trying to control myself. “I, don’t, need, friends. I’m just as happy without them.” I said through clenched teeth.
“I take it you don’t like Nicky?” my mother said.
“No.”
“Why not, she seems nice enough to me.”
“I just don’t!” My act snapped as if someone had thrown a rock through it.
I took a deep breath, “I’m tired, and I’m going to bed.” And with that, I got up and stormed away. No one said anything, as I walked up the stairs.*

When I got to my room, I slammed the door behind me. I paced around for a while trying to calm myself, then I went and sat down at my desk. I held my head in my hands, still breathing heavily. ‘I’m obviously going to have to get rid of Nicky too’, I thought. I lifted my head and looked at myself in a mirror that was sitting on my desk. My long platinum blond hair was stuck to my face and neck with sweat, and my dark brown eyes looked almost black. I studied my pale face with dislike. I’d never liked the way I looked. The irritation rose up in me again. I hit the mirror as hard as I could with the back of my hand. It shattered into a dozen pieces all over my desk. I put my hands under the desk so I couldn’t break any thing else. I hadn’t had a break down like this since I was six. My parents had gotten me a pet cat that was less then friendly, and I was holding it in the kitchen when it bit me. It infuriated me, so I stabbed it to death with a butter knife that was sitting on the table. The doctors told my parents that I was suffering from “transplant shock”, and that it was totally normal for me to brutally murder my cat.
Someone knocked on my door, “Erin? Is every thing ok in there?” my mother asked. I closed my eyes trying to sound calm, “Ya, why?” I asked.
“Well we thought we heard a crash.”
“Oh, I just dropped my mirror.”
“Did you cut yourself?!” she asked with concern.
I rolled my eyes, “No mom, I’m fine.”
“Well, good night then.”
“Good night.” I heard her walk down the stairs.
I slid my hand down my face and noticed that I was bleeding. I held my hand out in front of me. There was a long gash going along the back of my hand that was spilling over with blood. It was only then that I felt the sharp pain radiating through my hand. I looked down and saw that there was blood on the carpet and on my skirt. I cursed quietly to myself and went to the bathroom to bandage my wound. I went back to my room and started to clean up. When I was done cleaning off the blood, I went to pick up the mirror. I looked at myself in the shattered glass. The broken pieces made my face looked deformed and inhuman.
When I was done cleaning I got in bed and closed my eyes. I grimaced with pain. My hand was throbbing, despite the three aspirin I had taken. I willed myself to sleep, trying to escape the pain.











~~~~










Dec 24

It was the day of the party, and the whole house was in a rush to get ready. My parents had invited over some friends to help, several neighbors, my aunt and uncle and their kids, and Nicky, who hadn’t stopped talking since the moment she arrived. I wasn’t allowed to do much because of my hand, which I evidently cut deep enough to need stitches.
The day passed slowly. I was sitting on the back porch, observing a flock of sparrows that had invaded the yard, when Nicky came running up to me excitedly, “Erin, Erin. Look what my mother got me!” she said as she pranced out the door. She twirled around so I could see her dress. I had to admit, it was nice. It was thigh length and yellow with faux crystals spiraling down its long sleeves. It accented her long brown hair, and hour-glass shape. “Wow! You look beautiful!” I said with false enthusiasm. She was beaming, “What are you going to wear?” she said excitedly.
“I’ve got a black dress that’s pretty nice.”
“Can I see it?”
“Sure.” I got up and led her to my room.
When we entered my room, I walked to my closet and pulled out my dress. “Wow! I love it!” She said. It was short, like hers, and black with silver stringed designs that looked almost like spider webs. She walked over and felt it, “Wow, is it real silk?” she asked in awe.
“Yep.”











“Wow.” She repeated.
My mother knocked on my door, “Girls, can you come down stairs? The guests are starting to get here.”
“Ok, be right there.” I replied. “I’ll meet you down stairs Nicky. I just have to change.”
“Ok, see ya.” She danced out the door.
After I changed I went down stairs. Lilly and Nicky were playing tag in the backyard.
“Hey Erin.” I heard a boy’s voice behind me. I turned around and saw my cousin smiling at me. “Hi Ben!” I said as excitedly as I could. He was the only person was ever glad to see. I had always felt a certain kinship with Ben, which is very unusual for me. “So, how have you been Erin?” He asked happily as he gave me a hug.
“Good. How about you?”
“Great. You look beautiful.”
“Thanks, you do too. So, how are Ragan and Sami?” I didn’t like my cousin Ragan at all; she was a suck-up and a snob. Sami on the other hand, was just as out spoken and opinionated as me.
“Oh, they’re good. Ragan’s all excited about her ‘first date’.” He exaggerated the last words with dislike, he didn’t like Ragan much more than I did. “And Sami is about to start third grade, and he’s pretty excited about that.” He adored Sami.
“Hum…” I said thoughtfully. Sami was almost the same age as Lilly, only two years older.
I saw Lilly go running up the stairs with Sami. I looked around for Nicky, but I couldn’t see her. “So how’s Lilly?” he asked. “Ok. Irritating as always.” I said it with obvious dislike as I watched her climbing the stairs.
“Ben? Can you come here?” I turned around to see who had called him. Ragan was gesturing for him to come to her. She was garbed in a skimpy pink and white dress that was designed to cover virtually nothing. Ben sighed, “Lucky me,” he said sarcastically. “I’ll see you later Air.” He said as he walked away. ‘Air’ had always been his pet nickname for me. “Bye Ben.” I said this with a mocking tone. He turned and glared at me.
I still couldn’t find Nicky anywhere. I went up stairs to see if she was there, but still nothing. Sami bumped into me as he ran down the hall way and into the bathroom. I watched him curiously. ‘He and Lilly must be playing some stupid game’ I thought. When I walked around the corner towards my room, I saw Lilly standing at the top of the stairs with her eyes closed counting. I rolled my eyes and opened the door to my room. I stopped halfway in, and looked back at her. She still had her eyes closed and was counting slowly. ‘This is perfect!’ I thought, ‘who would ever suspect me if Lilly was to ‘fall’ down the stairs. Especially in the in the middle of a party.’ I walked up behind her as quietly as I could and looked down the stairs. The door between living room, where every one was, and the main hall where the stairs led, was closed, as was the door to the kitchen. I looked around one more time to make sure no one was watching. Satisfied, I readied myself, and with one hard shove, I pushed her down the stairs. I watched with satisfaction as she tumbled head-over-heels towards the floor. She hit the ground with a loud thump. I watched her for a minute, making sure that she wasn’t moving, and then walked down slowly.
I looked down at her, not quite sure if she was dead or not. She was lying in a heap; blood was coming out of her nose and mouth, and I could tell that her leg and arm were severely broken. I could see a small bone protruding from her wrist. Her once white dress was now speckled with patches of crimson red. I finally decided that she was dead. I nodded to myself satisfied. ‘Ok,’ I thought. ‘Time to start acting.’
“Mom! Dad! Lilly fell down the stairs!” I yelled as loud as I could. Almost immediately, my mother was running out of the kitchen. “What happened?!” she said in alarm. “I don’t know! I was just walking out of my room when I saw her go down.” I said it with as much panic as I could. “Go get your father and tell him to call 911. He’s in the backyard.” She said with terror. I nodded and ran to get him. I looked up the stairs as I passed. Nicky was standing by the railing looking down at me with horror and shock, and I knew immediately that she saw. I looked at her with the most vicious glare I could, trying to scare her into silence. She stepped back in alarm. I dashed to the backyard to fetch my father. He ran in the house and called an ambulance.
I walked back to the bottom of the stairs. Nicky had gone down to inspect Lilly, as had every one else. I walked over and looked at her and was infuriated to see that she was moving.*

~~~
We sat in the waiting room of the hospital for hours while the doctors tried to fix Lilly; my mother cried the whole time. Nicky’s continuous staring was seriously starting to wear on me. I tried to ignore her until I couldn’t take it anymore. I lifted my head and looked at her with a fierce gaze. She became tense, but didn’t look away. We stared each other down. ‘If she had any intelligence, she wouldn’t be doing this,’ I thought.
The voice of the doctor finally broke our stare. “Mr. and Mrs. Fuller?” he said. My father jumped out of his chair and walked to the doctor, and my mother followed. “She’s in stable condition at the moment.” he said quietly. I had to strain my ears to hear him. “But her leg suffered a spiral fracture, and-”
“A spiral fracture?” interrupted my mother with alarm.
“A spiral fracture,” the doctor explained, “is when the bone is literally twisted sideways so hard that it snaps. Your daughters’ was actually a fairly minor one. In severe cases, the foot might be turned so it is facing completely backwards.” My mother went pale. ‘Looks like someone needs to work on there bed-side manor,’ I thought sarcastically.
“But as I said,” the doctor continued, “hers’ is a minor one. She also has an open fracture in her wrist, and she has a concussion. She broke six of her ribs and completely shattered two. Her xiphoid process was also broken; cutting into her liver. We managed to stop the internal bleeding, but she lost a lot of blood and is receiving a transfusion. Luckily she won’t need a transplant.
“We’re taking more x-rays, but it appears that she might also have broken some vertebrae. Her overall condition is bad, but it could have been a lot worse.” He hesitated and then continued, “You said that she fell down the stairs?” the doctor asked. My father looked at him warily, “Yes. My other daughter Erin saw what happened.” He turned and waved for me to come. I sighed and walked to them. “Erin,” the doctor asked, “you saw what happened?”
“Yes. I was just walking out of my room when I saw her fall.” I said trying to make myself sound devastated.
“And she just fell?” He asked doubtfully. “What was she doing?”
“Her and my cousin we’re playing hide and seek. She was counting at the top of the stairs and must have lost her balance.”
“Hum…” he thought for a moment, “Thank you Erin. You can sit down now.” I walked to my seat and sat down. Nicky glared at me and we continued our little staring game. “Can we see her?” my mother asked hopefully.
“Of course, this way.” He started down the hall, and my parents followed.


I broke away from Nicky’s stare and watched them go down the hall. I jumped and ran after them.
I followed them to a room that smelled of antiseptic and medicine. They didn’t seem to know that I was following them, so I waited out side the door and listened to what they were saying. “Oh Lilly!” I heard my mother say with terror. My curiosity got the better of me and I looked inside the door. Lilly was lying on a bed with a respirator on her face and she had an I.V. in her arm. I never had seen anybody with as many cuts or bruises as she had. I quickly pulled my head back around as the doctor looked towards the door.
“Did anyone at your party have a grudge against your daughter?” the doctor asked. “No! Of course not! She’s only six!” my father retorted hostilely.
“I’m sorry, but the extent of her injuries suggests that she didn’t fall but was pushed.”
“Pushed?! But every one loves Lilly.” I could hear the tears in my mothers’ voice.
“Please don’t take offence, but your daughter Erin? Dose she have a history of violence, or portray violent tendencies?” I felt the anger rise up inside of myself. ‘How can he know?!’ I thought furiously. ‘My acting was perfect!”
“Erin is adopted. She came to live with us when she was six.” My father explained. “There was one incident when she was seven. But she would never hurt her sister.”
“What did she do?” the doctor asked.
“Her cat bit her, and, well, she killed it.”
“Hum…” the doctor didn’t say anything after that.
“What are you doing?” I spun around and saw Nicky standing behind me. I glared at her. “It’s none of your business.” I growled in a menacingly low voice. I was enjoying being able to be myself. I saw fear strike in her eyes. I walked past her and towards the waiting room, and she followed me.
“I saw what you did. I know you pushed her,” she said.
I stopped and turned around slowly for affect. “Do you really think that’s the smartest thing to say to me Nicky? If I am willing to push my six year old sister down the stairs, what do you think I can do to you?”




I saw her breathing increase. “Why did you do it anyway?” she hedged. “I mean, what did she ever do to you to cause you to push her down a flight of stairs?”
“She was annoying.”
“That’s it?! You tried to kill her because she was ‘annoying’?”
“Yep.”
“You are a complete psychopath!”
“You know, you are starting to become really annoying too.” I said irritated.















“So what, you’re going to try and kill me to?” She said sarcastically.
“I’m seriously considering it!” I was getting sick of her. She stepped back in alarm; it was obviously not the response she was expecting. “So either shut-up and go away or tell me so I can kill now you and get it over with!” I continued sharply.
She stood there for a minute dumbfounded, and then started to walk past me to the waiting room. I quickly considered my options: ‘if I let her go,’ I thought, ‘she could tell someone. But if I just kill her now, I’ll be in the clear.’
Nicky walked by me with her head down. I turned around and watched her for second, trying to decide how best to do it. I saw a fire extinguisher hanging from the wall. ‘Perfect.’ I thought. I quickly walked up behind her and shoved her as hard as I could into the corner of the wall. She hit with a loud bang and then fell to the ground. I picked up the fire extinguisher and walked over to her. She moaned and rolled over; she had a cut on her forehead that looked to be about four inches long. There was blood running down her face. I raised the fire extinguisher getting ready to drop it on her head.
“Erin! Stop!” I heard someone yell just before I was shoved to the ground. The fire extinguisher went flying and hit a wall. I was lying on my stomach when my father grabbed me by the arm and pulled up. “Erin! What is wrong with you!” he said shaking me. I simply smiled at him for effect.
“Can you hear me?” the doctor said as he looked at Nicky’s wound. She replied with another moan. “What happened?!” my mother shrieked as she ran down the hall.
“Someone call the police!” my father said; he was still looking at me with shock.
They took Nicky away on a stretcher, and as much as I wanted to kill her, I was quite satisfied with what I had accomplished. My father continued to gawk at me with dismay. “How could you try to kill your own sister Erin?” his voice quivered as he spoke. I thought about it for a second. “Like I told Nicky, she was annoying me.”
He looked at me in astonishment, but didn’t say anything else.












~~~

When the police arrived, I was arrested and taken to jail. Two months later, my trial started. I was tried as an adult on two counts of attempted murder in the first degree. Nicky-who got off with no more then a concussion and ninety-six stitches- was called to testify, as was Lilly-who, in the long run, almost completely recovered except for a permanent limp. I was found guilty and sentenced to a psychiatric detention facility. And I have been here for the past three years.

People will try to forget about me, brush me off as a bad memory. They will move on and think of me as a ghost of their past, never to be seen again. But they’re wrong. I will get out of here. I will find them. And I will finish what I started.