They wake up in a forest. It seemed as though it was the spring (even though it was fall when they were last awake) the leaves were green and you could smell fresh flowers as though you had walked into a florist shop.
“What in the Hell are we in a Greenhouse or something?” Lily said as she got a whiff of the spring flowers
“What….What... What are you talking about? This is a weird dream, why do I smell flowers? I’ve never smelled flowers in my dreams before; cupcakes but not flowers.”
“You are such a little freak.” Lily said as she punched Lizzie in the arm
“That happened in one of my dreams too, wait…?”
“What?”
“This isn’t a dream; you don’t feel things in your dreams. Am I on drugs or something? TAKE ME TO REHAB.”
“You’re such a freak, we aren’t on drugs.”
“Oh really then why are we in a forest, why are your pants split and why are you so tall, why do my clothes feel so baggy and what in the hell is wrong with my feets?” Lizzie replied frantically staring at her hairy feet.
Lily could help but laugh as Lizzie bent down to feel her shaggy feet hair.
“You’re gonna make fortune in rugs” Lily said choking back laughter
“Oh yah you have pointed ears!” Lizzie said trying to find a good comeback
“Oh that’s cool’ Lily said feeling her new ears
“There’s nothing wrong with you GOSH DANGET.”
“If it makes you feel better you pointed ears too!”
“Really… Aw they are all deformed, like a pig ear but less floppy.” Lizzie groaned

Lily was rolling on the ground in laughter. Lizzie was freaking out over her newly found height, her disturbing non-floppy pig ears and hairy “shag carpet” feet. Suddenly they heard footsteps, they turned to see two elves, one with long blond hair and the other with long brown hair, pointing arrows straight at them.
“Who are you” the first elf demanded
“Well who the hell are you!” said Lily getting very irate
“Pardon your tone, but it is no business of yours.”
“None of my business; huh? Well I’m not the pointing arrows at people and demanding to know stuff, when I’m not even courteous enough to give my name first.” Lily screamed
“Why can’t we all just get along.” Said Lizzie
“Silence, and give us your names!” said the second elf
“No, you Silence and give us your names or I’ll pull out your girlish hair!” said Lizzie
“I’m Cilenn and this is Etneal” said the blond elf
“Thank you very much; I’m Lizzie and this is Lily”
“Hi-Ya” said Lily
“Come with us please.” Said Cilenn

After Cilenn and Etneal binded Lily and Lizzie’s hands, they discussed what to do with them. They decided that Etneal would take Lizzie to the Shire and Cilenn would take Lily to Mirkwood. So they could be watched until they could make a meeting with Gandalf and Elrond.
“I’m taking you to the Shire and Cilenn is taking your friend to Mirkwood.” Etneal said
“No, you can’t split us up. It don’t like being with people I don’t know.”
“Say your last goodbye’s.” said Etneal
Lizzie walks over to Lily and whispers “We can’t let them know where were from or they will put us into a medieval nut house, Bye.”
“Bye, Later” Lily said

“This Freaking sucks…”
“What?” Said Cilenn
“The fact that I’m stuck on the back of a horse with a girly named elf.”
“My name is not girly.” He replied
“Yes it is it sound like Celine Dion.”
“Who is that?”
“Are you stupid, or are you stupid?”
“At least I’m not the one with the weird haircut!”
“Oh No you didn’t” I screamed as I kicked him of the horse, he flailed his arms like a chicken, I guess he wanted to fly or something, he landed face first into a puddle of mud
“The least you could do is grab my clean clothes out of my pack.” Cilenn replied in an aggravated
“Wrists, do you expect me to magically untie my wrists, get your clothes, then tie myself back up again like a good little elf, huh, Celine.”I reply angrily

Like the dumbbutt he is, he unties my wrists and sends me to get his clothes. I walk to the back of the horse, unlatch the pack and then I took off like a fat guy running after a donut. It took him awhile to realize that I was gone. But as soon as he did he was close behind, muddy hair waving in the wind. He yelled for me to stop, but I turned around and said ‘you’ll never take me alive coppers.’ Just then I ran into what I thought was a tree. But of course to my displeasure it was an elf with a group of elves behind him staring directly at me. Then guess who showed up ‘Cilenn’, all dirty and disgusting.
“Cilenn, what happen to you” said this rock-hard abed elf, whom I thought was a tree
“That happened to me.” He said pointing at me
“Excuse me I’m right here, and I have a name it’s Lily, say it with me Lil-ly.”
“You are a horrible creature, look what she did to me!”
“I think we will take over from here.” Said the ab-tastic elf
“But it’s my job to take her.”
“You know I think he’s right, I wanna stay with my new best friend.’ I said giving the sweetest smile ever
“Take her, Take her please take her.” He said while sprinting back to his horse
“I’ll call you.” I say to him as he is running, waving my hand frantically “So where are we going.”
“Well we are going to take you to the council.”

Well they gave me their names and took me to the council; once again to my displeasure they weren’t there. So now I’m sitting here up against a tree in the middle of a garden. And being watched like a monkey in a zoo. Holy Begebus this sucks. There are so many things I haven’t been able to do. I haven’t been able complain about there not being the word ‘pants’ on the signs that say “No shirt no shoes no service.” I haven’t bought a pair of red shoes and then returned them because I don’t like the color red. I haven’t gone to McDonalds and ask for fries with no salt then ask for extra salt. I haven’t been able to burn my ex-boyfriends house to the ground. But you know I have done? I’ve been captured by elves. Out of everything captured by elves.

I hear footsteps coming and I turn to see a thin almost-geeky elf hand me dress.
“Here’s more suitable attire.” He says as he hands me the dress, and I have to admit it was pretty. But the fact that he was just staring at me was creepy.
“What do you expect me to do, strip down right in the middle of a garden with people watching?”
“It would be impractical, come with me.”
He takes me a greenhouse, out of all places a greenhouse.
“Someone could come in at any minute.” I say
“Fine, I’ll stand by the door,”
“You better not look in… are you scared.”
“Yes”
“Good” I say as I throw a pot at the door, he shut the door just in time to miss it. But in a way wish it would have hit him

I change and quietly look for a window, and thank Begebus I found one. It was open too. I carefully climbed out almost knocking over a pot on the way. It was hard to climb out the window, due to my dress, thanks to the elves. I ran as fast as I could, almost tripping over my dress. I was running past a hedge when a very handsome elf walked straight out in front of me. And guess what? I landed in the worst position ever… right on top of him.
“I am so sorry.” I say as I quickly get up
“It’s ok, may I ask who you are.” He politely as he got up
“Um ….” I say trying to come up with something to say
“Oh you must be the elf everyone is talking about.”
“What elf?”
“I’ve never seen an elf with short hair.”
“Damn, you aren’t gonna keep me in a garden for hours are you?”
“No… I’m the one you need to talk to.”
“So are you going to talk to the King and Prince for me?”
“Exactly.”
“Who are you?” I ask
“Legolas Greenleaf and you are.”
“Lily Rosemond.”
“That’s a pretty name,”
“Thanks.” I said blushing

Over the next few hours we talked. Well actually he talked, I fibbed. He tried to ask me where I came from but I took Lizzie advice and kept it to minimal need-to-know basis. I did tell him however about those stupid freaking elves who took Lizzie to the Shire. He said that there was a council meeting and that hobbits should be there, and he would send a request to bring her. He said he was going to take me to the council meeting. AW… I was wondering why he was going to the meeting if he wasn’t royalty but I didn’t ask. I can’t believe he believed everything I said. Man elves are stupid, as far as I know they are, but damn they are hot.

After the first two hours of undeniable fear, I finally figured out that I was gonna bug the crap out of this dude. Till he takes me back or till we get to the Shire whichever comes first.
“I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.”
“Well how old do you think I am?”
“Well you should be old enough to know its bad manners to tie someone up and put them on the back of your horse”
“You deserved to be tied up.”
“Well you deserve a firm kick in that ugly thing you call a face.”
“I’ve been told I have a very nice face.”
“Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today” he didn’t respond but he gave me an evil glare that told me I should be quiet. But I wasn’t going to be.
“How do you pronounce your name?”
“Et-Ne-Al”
“Holy Begebus, that is a stupid name, was your mom on drugs when she named you?”
“My name is not stupid, and why are you making fun of my mom?”
“I am making fun of your mom because a one legged dog could have come up with a better name than that and they can’t even talk.”
“You are a nasty little hobbit aren’t you?”
“You know what’s nasty the fact that you probably wear pretty dresses in your room by yourself like a Gaylord.”
“Why….”
“Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.”

At that moment he stopped the horse, gave me an evil glare, and got a cloth that he firmly tied around my mouth. The rest of the trip was silent, but I made it a living hell… We got there around nightfall; all of the little hobbitses had already gone to bed. We stopped outside a seemingly large hobbit home. As he walked inside, he left me sitting on this 6 foot something tall horse all tied up. I started to wonder ‘why in the hell do they live in the ground. As soon as I get off this horse I’m going to stab him in the leg with a rusty Spork. Finally Etneal and 2 hobbits came to the horse where I was. He whispered in my ear to be quiet as he lifted me off the horse, like a sack of potatoes. He tried to introduce me, but I rudely interrupted him. I’m not 3 yrs. Old I can introduce myself.
“Ollo, My name is Elizabeth Lockhart, Lizzie for short” I said very politely
“Are you sure you can handle her.” He said to the other hobbits
“Ya we are sure we can handle her, we do have 3 daughters and a son of course.” Said the woman
“Good Luck” Etneal said as he rode off
“Hey can you untie my wrists, please?”
“Well sure honey, then you can switch into more suitable attire. By the way I am Eglantine Banks and this is my husband Paladin Took.”
“Thanks.”
After they gave me some very comfy pj’s, they took me to my “new” room. Eglantine told me that she had to lock the door because Etneal told her too. Why does she have to do what he tells her to. Damn that elf, damn him to hell. Not really but a very unhappy place, where he is bald, and surrounded by nasty hobbits with sporks. Mmmmm. Spork! After she leaves I realize I really have to pee. But I decide that I would ignore it. The next morning I woke up about an hour before the sun came up, I knew because that stupid rooster outside my window kept crowing. I wish I could have thrown something at it but I quickly found out the window was locked… DAMN ELF! I decided that I would look around “my” room, since I guess I’m not coming out anytime soon. There wasn’t much except a bed, side table, wardrobe, and a locked closet. Who would lock a closet? So I took out my trusty hairpin and proceeded to pick the lock. My hairpin almost broke a couple times before I finally got it open. There wasn’t much to see except some clothes, then I realized that the back was way to faraway, as I walked to it I realized that it wasn’t a back it was a turn.
I followed the incredibly long closet, passed another turn then ran into a door and some more clothes. I know you are probably thinking that I’m a creeper but I decided to look through the weird vented door thing. And what did I find on the other side, but some shaggy, curly haired dude. I think it’s a dude; his room isn’t decked out in pink like mine, and his room is messy. While trying to get a better look I fell into the door and it flew open. I sat there a minute praying to Holy Begebus that he wouldn’t wake up and find me on his floor staring at him. He started rolling over, so I crawled under his bed as fast as I could. My heart was racing, and then his feet landed on the floor, which scared the living crap out of me. He said something I couldn’t hear as he walked to his closet then he said
“Why is my closet open...” his stomach growled. “I’m hungry” was the final word he uttered before leaving the room.

AS soon as the door closed behind him I darted back to my room, heart pounding. I closed and locked the closet door. I sat for a little while on my bed then I realized that he was kind of cute; I was deep in thought about the glimpse of him as he left the room. I heard a knock at my door which made me jump. The door opened and Paladin walked in
“Are you coming to breakfast dear?” he said
“What am I supposed to walk down in my pj’s?”
“Well everyone else is in their sleepwear.”
“But look at this thing, it’s like I’m wearing a tent with a rubber band right beneath my boobs.”
He gave me an odd look the said “You look lovely my dear. You can come down to breakfast.”
“Fine, lead the way.”

We made it down to breakfast; there were 7 seats, 6 of which were filled after Paladin sat down. I looked to the only vacant seat which was between Eglantine and the really cute dude whose bed I was hiding under. There were 7 people now at the table; there was Eglantine, Paladin, Me, 3 girls, and the hot dude. I started eating when Eglantine started introducing everyone.
“Everyone this is Lizzie, she will be staying with us for awhile.” She said
“Hi” I said
“These are my daughters Pearl, Pimpernel, and Pervinca. And this is my son Peregrin Took.”
“Mom, it’s Pippin!” said Pippin with a mouthful of food

“You aren’t talking much” Legolas said
“Well I’m not much of a talker; I’m more of a listener.”
“Well that’s strange…”
“How so?”
“My friends told me you were quite a talker, a demon perhaps. But after meeting you I can’t say I believe them.”
“Awww. That’s so sweet. Tell me was it Celine.”
“Who?”
“Oh… Cilenn.”
“Yeah it was him, he said you were a monster, and very violent.”
“What” I said as I began fake crying, obviously he didn’t realize that I was fake crying. So he opened his arms like he was going to hug me; but guess who showed up to ruin the moment: Cilenn.
“Prin…” Cilenn said
“Cilenn… oh my gosh, I heard you saying things about me. But I can’t stay mad at you.” I said as I gave Cilenn a hug
“Get her off me.” He said as I gave bestest hug ever. Even though he wasn’t hugging me back, I could tell he wanted a hug.
“So what were you saying Prin…?”
“I was saying…” Suddenly Cilenn stopped talking and was looking over my shoulder; I turn to see Legolas standing there all suspiciously normal.
“Are you guy’s keeping a secret… I want to know the secret.”
“I was saying that I’m pretty sure that you are supposed to be in the garden.” Cilenn said even though I knew he was lying, so I decided to get him in trouble the only way I know how, it’s not the only way but it’s the best way: fake crying. All I have to do is get him to say something mean. Besides no one can stand someone who is mean to girls.
“It’s been like 2 days, and you just noticed.”
“Well I had to go home and change.”
“Where do you live farawayville? “
“Well my home is a great distance away.”
“Obviously, so how’s your mother.”
“She’s fine.”
“That’s not what I heard.”
“I hate you…” Cilenn said very angrily
“What I had no idea that you felt that way I thought we were friends.” I said in the sweetest voice ever. Man this is just like fishing; too easy, way too easy. REELIN IT IN.
“We are not friends we will never be friends, I don’t associate with monsters from the pits of Mordor.”
“Wha..what!” I said as I ran to Legolas tightly embracing him into a hug. THIS IS TOO EASY. I need a challenge.
“Cilenn, you do not talk to a lovely young lady in such a vulgar manner.” Legolas said clearly upset, I am too good at this
“Lovely, Lady… She’s probably some rotten, disgusting, nasty orc who’s wearing some magic disguise so she can slit our throats in the middle of the night. SO you remember that when you touch her, hug her, or even kiss her which you are probably thinking about doing right now.”
“Cilenn…Cilenn.” Legolas said getting very agitated
“Just remember that some nasty, diseased, maggot infested, warty, slobbering, slimy, calloused monster is actually behind those lips.”
“Cilenn I warning you; you better leave.”Said Legolas, man he looks hot when he gets mad.
“But…?” Cilenn gave an odd look like he had no idea of what just happened
“Cilenn.”
“Well don’t say I didn’t warn you, and don’t come running to me when she slits your throat.” Said Cilenn clearly overreacting. (Not that I had anything to do with it)
“CILENN.”
“Fine I’m going.” Cilenn said then muttered under his breath “it’s your funeral”. Legolas looks down at me with the sweetest look EVER. Man he is such a hunk. Anyway he sweetly whispered “don’t worry I will make sure that he is put in the dungeon.”
“You don’t have to do that for me, I’m fine.” Giving another oh so believable sniffle
“No it’s not okay what he said was horrible. Besides I think your lips are beautiful.”
“Awww… thank-you! Could you excuse me for a moment?” I waited for him to nod before I went around the hedge. I needed a minute to clear thoughts and get rid of my emotions. Damn I’m good at this. This had to be the best fake crying I have ever done. Besides what he said was really hurtful it took all I had not to shank that guy in the neck. I realized that it was getting close to the sunset. When I walked around the hedge Legolas told me that it was time to ‘retire’ to our rooms.
“My dear I’m afraid that we will have to retire to our rooms, and continue this engaging conversation tomorrow.”
“I don’t have a room.” I said feeling like a retard. Since some people left me in the garden
“I have already prepared a room for you.”

He took me into this large building. We walked through many corridors till we reached my room.
“Are you going to be alright?”
“Hold that thought! Do you have any food?” I said as my stomach growled
“Why yes we do. But I don’t see why you are hungry didn’t they feed you while you were in their care.”
“No…”
“Well let’s get you something to eat.” He said as he led me to the kitchen

The kitchen was huge. And I mean HUGE. There was food everywhere; I didn’t know where to start. But at first he gave me this bread it was Elvish Wayne bread or something like that. I had like 8 pieces. He said that one small bite was enough to fill the stomach of a grown man. Then I thought I’m not a man I’m a woman, and I’m an elf therefore that didn’t apply to me. After I got done eating Legolas said:
“You look like an elf, but you have a stomach like a hobbit.”
“Hey I have friends who are hobbits, well one. I wonder what she is doing right now. “

After a couple of failed attempts to find out where I came from; Eglantine finally stopped asking me questions and turned to Pippin and asked
“So how was your night, Sugar.”
“It was okay, but when I woke up this morning my closet was open.” Pippin said. I suddenly dropped my spoon at the mention of the closet. Oh Begebus, I hope they don’t figure out it was me!
“Well, are you sure you closed it last night?”
“Now that you mention it I’m not.” Thank Begebus that he is kind-of an idiot. (a cute idiot at that) Ms. Banks turned to me and said:
“How was your night, Honey. I hope the room was to your liking.”
“Oh it was fine, I loved the color scheme. Slept all-night.” (That was until I picked the closet lock and fell into your son’s room, and had to hide under his bed because he woke up.)
“Sorry about the closet.” Ms. Banks said. Now this made me worry
“What do you mean?” I said
“We had to lock the closet, it’s just how this house was made; the closet conjoins with my sons room. So we put a wardrobe in your room.”
“Ya, I noticed; it is a very nice clo… wardrobe”
“Well I’m glad you like it. May I ask you a question?”
“Sure ask away.” I said trying to be polite, even though I was worried about the question she was going to ask
“Are you single?” Suddenly Pippin spit out his food and began coughing
“Umm… Yes I’m single”
“Well my little Pip here is single too.” (Oh so very embarrassing I’m glad my mom never did that.)
“Mom…!” Pippin said clearly getting embarrassed as he slumped down in his chair.
“You need to get a girlfriend; all your sisters have boyfriends. When your father was your age he had me. She’s beautiful, I’m sure if you two got together, you would have beautiful kids…”she said as she motioned to me. “… Besides Peregrin you are the one carrying on the family name.”
“May I be excused?” I said
“Well sure honey.” She calls me honey a lot. After I left the last thing I heard was Ms. Banks telling Pippin not to hang out with his cousin so much. And that he should ask me to Bilbo’s party, who ever that is. After I left the restroom I go to my room and change into a dress I found in the wardrobe. It was vomit worthy, Pepto-Bismol pink and white, although it was better than the other dresses. I begin to leave my room when I see Pippin standing outside my door.
“Sorry about my mom.” Pippin said still embarrassed and blushing
“Oh it’s okay, parents can be embarrassing sometimes”
“I doubt your mom ever did something like that.”
“Well there was this one time when my mom showed my baby pictures to everyone in a 5 mile radius.” Pippin laughed when I told him that
“Yes that would be embarrassing. May I ask you a question?”
“That depends is it normal or embarrassing?”
“It’s normal.”
“Then you can ask.”
“Would you like to go to Bilbo’s party with me?” he said blushing again
“If you can get me a better dress I will go with you.” :D
“I’m on it, come with me.” He said as he grabbed my arm, he has a very gentle touch. AWWWWW…

He ‘dragged’ me all through this little town, and he was holding my arm the whole way. I almost got hit by this old guy on a wagon. But we didn’t stop long enough to talk to him. We stopped at the market and got some apple tarts. I have to admit they were amazing. We stopped outside this house it was really nice; it was kind-of big but not as big as Pippins. We knocked on the door and then a girl hobbit came to the door. She gave me an odd look then began to talk to Pippin. I wonder what that look was for.
“Pippin! Is there something you need?”
“Umm… I need a dress.” She gave Pippin a weird look. “It’s for her.” He said motioning to me
“Is this your girlfriend?” said the hobbit girl
“Rosie; this isn’t my girlfriend, she’s a…a…umm…uh... a guest. She needs a dress for Bilbo’s party.”
“I’m sure she is a guest… You better keep an eye on her or someone will snag her up. Well I’ll see what I can do. Go on…” Rosie said motioning for him to go
“But I’m going to take her to the party”
“It’s alright we’ll meet you there” She said “now go on.” She shut the door, turned to me and said
“I think Pippin likes you... You are single aren’t you?”
“Yeah”
“You know he is single.”
“Yeah his mom told me.”
“Well let’s see what we can find you.”

I sat in this room for what seemed like hour while she went through tons of dresses. We disagreed on almost all of them but finally agreed on one. It was sky-blue off the shoulder, knee-length dress, with dark-blue ivory accents. So much better than Pepto-Bismol pink.

Rosie asked if she could do my hair and make-up, so now I’m sitting her as she is brushing my hair, thinking about PIPPIN. He is so hot and stupid; he would be great for the cough drop game, or spin the bottle, but would it be fair to date him if I might have to go back. Then I realize what if I don’t want to go back, it’s not like I have anything to look forward to; Lily is my best friend. But what if she wants to go back. Nah, i bet she's have too much fun.