“Ahh!” I screamed. I shut my eyes as quick as I could. Eunice was often very forgetful, this time she had forgotten about my Odontophobia and put in her dentures.
“What? What? Are the bad people back?” Eunice said swinging her cane around in circles. Eunice also had funny dreams.
“No, Eunice, your teeth!” I said.
“Oh, I’m so sorry Wahid; it must have slipped my mind.”
“It’s okay Eunice.” I sighed, I knew she was getting old and forgetful, but I wish that someone closer to my age lived in the retirement home with me. All I seem to do is read a lot now and I am getting very smart. I impress all of the old folks in the home when we watch Jeopardy, because I know almost all of the answers.
“Well, we’d better head down to breakfast.”
“Yeah, I guess we should.”
We took the elevator down to the cafeteria. Today they were serving apple sauce and some kind of green goop. I got my tray and piled on the apple sauce. I decided to skip on the goop. It seemed to be a good idea because the goop smelled like old, sweaty socks.
Eunice and I sat down at an empty table. I noticed that none of the other residents had their teeth in. I was glad the nurses had told everyone to take their teeth out for me; I think one panic attack is enough for today. The tables in the cafeteria were plastic and the table clothes were thin and stretchy. The chairs looked like they could’ve been comfortable at one point, but now they were old and hard. I sat down and started on my apple sauce, it wasn’t very good, and was gritty and watery. I wished I could live at home, my mom could cook for me every day and I could play with the other children on the block, but my Odontophobia keeps me from being a normal boy.
When my parents do come visit me, they have to come to my room. Sometimes they bring me home cooked meals and they taste very good. They are a nice change from nursing home food. The parents I have had since birth are not my biological parents, they are my adoptive parents. I never met my real parents. All I know about my real parents is that they are Arabic and they named me Wahid before they left me here. Sometimes I like to imagine what my birth parents were like. I would like to think they were from a wealthy, royal family and lived in a palace and had many servants. One of my favorite things to read about is ancient royalty. I can’t read books with pictures of people in them, unless none of them smile with their teeth, it sets off my Odontophobia.
I don’t go to a formal school because of my phobia. About twice a week a tutor comes to the nursing home, with a mouth guard in of course, and explains this week’s lesson plan to me. Since I do work on weekends and during the summer, I am very far ahead in school for my age. I’d rather go to a regular school and have friends like a normal boy, but I just have to deal with it I guess.
After breakfast, the old folks are going to play shuffleboard in the courtyard. None of them are going to have their dentures in so I can go watch. I don’t really like shuffleboard. It seems sort of dumb, you have this stick thing and you have to push an over-sized hockey puck to the end of a triangle without letting it slide off of it. With lots of practice it is easy; I would know with all my free time I have managed to get it to the tip of the triangle every time. I really only play by myself; it’s not really fair to all the old folks.
Tomorrow morning is my birthday, and my parents are coming to visit me. Last year, when I turned eight, they brought me a huge cake and a bunch of presents. I wonder what they will be bringing me this year.
Before I know it, it’s lunch time and the nurses are bringing out food for everyone. Lunch is not much better than breakfast, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on white bread for everyone. I’ve never been very fond of peanut butter; it’s sticky and gets stuck in my throat, sometimes it makes it hard to breathe. I’ll have to suck it up though because I’m very hungry and did not have much breakfast. I did not enjoy the sandwich at all, but everyone else seemed to and it was soft enough that the old folks did not have to put in their teeth, so I was thankful.
After lunch we all went inside and sat around the T.V. Wheel of Fortune was on. This game was hard to play without watching it because there were so many teeth. Someone from the nursing home usually told me how many letters and words were in the puzzle. Sometimes I figure it out, but it really is a challenge. In this puzzle there were two words and thirteen letters. The category was “Dream Vacations.” Someone on the T.V. called out an “S,” then they bought “A,” and there were five of them. This one came pretty easy.
“Nassau, Bahamas.” I said.
“Oh, good job Wahid,” Eunice said, although it sounded like “Oh, gooth joth Wathith.”
No one had their dentures in yet, but I’m sure they would for dinner which was soon, so I
had to go eat in my room. We watched several more episodes of Wheel of Fortune and one episode of Jeopardy before the nurses called us in for dinner.
I filled my plate with a fatty chicken leg and some green beans, today was definitely not one of the retirement home’s better meal days. I walked up to my room before any of the old folks put in their dentures.
When I was done with dinner, I left my plate outside my door. In some ways this place is sort of like a hotel. Someone took your plates if you left them outside, changed your sheets, made you food, and there were people living in all the rooms around you. Of course, this was not the fanciest hotel you could stay at, but I guess it was good enough. My room is not very big, it has enough room for a bed, two chairs, a table a few shelves, and a little space to walk in. On my table I had stacks of ancient books arranged by their subjects alphabetically. The first stack was algebra, the second was ancient history, the third was anthropology, then biology, the fifth was chemistry, the sixth was geography, then physics, the eighth was U.S. history, and the last was world history. These were all my favorite subjects and I had about three of four books on every subject and I read them all numerous times. The bindings were ruined and I could lay them open on the table and they’d stay open to the page I was reading. Every year, my parents gave me books on some of these subjects to keep me occupied in the retirement home. It’s getting late and I don’t want to be sleeping when my parents get here so I am going off to bed.
That night I dreamt of a strange boy who was going to come to the old folk’s home. He wore weird clothes and he thought he was smarter than me, and he proved it too. That dream was probably the worst dream I had ever had. No one my age could ever be smarter than me! Could they? I had never been to a school so I didn’t know what other children were capable of.
I woke up in the morning to my parents sitting by my bed.
“Surprise!” They yelled. It was rather hard for them since they were wearing black mouth guards. It was eight in the morning and I had not been expecting them to come this early. My mom put a plastic tray over my lap and set a humongous cake on it, the cake looked like it could feed all of China!
There were ten candles on the cake, nine of them for my age, and one for good luck. If this strange boy ever came to the old folk’s home, I was probably going to need that luck. My mother lit the candles and they started to sing “Happy Birthday.” It sounded like they skipped a part of the song, but I guess it is hard to sing with a mouth guard on. When they were done they I blew out the candles and my mom pulled out a serving knife. She cut the first slice for me and I could’ve sworn it was the size of my head. It had chocolate icing and the cake was chocolate the icing was chocolate fudge and it had a little bit of strawberry in there somewhere along with a strip of melted caramel. It was one of the best cakes I had ever tasted. It was so good I finished the entire piece and I could’ve blown into a million pieces on the spot.
“Did you like your birthday cake Wahid?” My dad asked.
“It was only the best cake I’ve ever had in my life!”
“Well, I’m glad you liked it sweetheart.” My mom said and she gave me a big hug.
My mother and father come and visit me about once a week, sometimes more. All the other times they are out of the country, exploring. They get paid to write reviews of hotels in exotic places. They say they wish I could see the places they go and they most of them are amazing. I get post cards from them and I have them hanging on a bulletin board in my room. I like to imagine what the places they go are like. In the postcards featuring beaches and the sun I imagine how the sun would feel on my skin and how the cool breeze would bring momentary relief from the rays. In the ones that feature snowcapped mountains I like to imagine sitting near a fire place watching the snow fall outside. If I had to choose one place to go it would probably be somewhere that snows almost every day and is very cold because winter is my favorite season.
For the entire day my parents and I just talked, they told me about their most recent and favorite adventures. If I ever conquer my Odontophobia they promised my they would take me anywhere I wanted to go. That makes me want to work harder at therapy. Although therapy is not my favorite thing (mostly because I suffer a panic attack every time I go), I try to get over my fear of teeth and my counselor tells me I am making significant progress.
If I get over my Odontophobia, my life will change completely. I will be able to live in a normal house with my parents, have friends my age, and go to normal school. I really wish I could go to school, I think it would be a wonderful experience. Even just the idea of it gives me butterflies in my tummy, learning and seeing friends all in one place, how much better could it get?

It was getting dark outside and around nine o’clock, my parents have to go home. Visiting hours are only from eight to nine on weekends, the old folks go to sleep very early. Even though this is the closest nursing home to my parents’ house, it is still three hours away. I am sad that they have to leave because I like spending time with my parents, but I will see them soon and I have something to look forward to. My mother left what was left of the cake in my room and as soon as they were gone I had another piece, this cake really was good.
About a half hour after they left, I drifted off to sleep. I dreamt of the same strange boy who would come to the old folk’s home. I had never had a recurring dream before and I did not know what it meant. I did the only thing I could think of, I sought advice from Eunice.
“Well Wahid, I don’t think it means anything. I’m no dream interpreter, but I think its going to be fine,” she said. I think she might have been a bit upset with me and did not give me the best answer she could because I woke her up from her late morning nap.
“Ok Eunice, whatever you say,” I said. I wasn’t so sure that these were normal dreams, they felt so really and I could swear I was seeing the future.
I went back to my room and grabbed a random book to read downstairs. I opened it as I was going down the elevator it opened at some floor, I wasn’t really paying attention. I thought I saw a blue cape flash in my peripheral vision. I looked to the side and it was the same boy as the one in my dream! He was wearing a blue cape and a green jumpsuit. He opened his mouth to talk to me and there they were, two rows of gleaming white teeth, and that set me off. I collapsed on the floor and I felt like I was going to throw up. My heart was pounding a million miles a second and my hands were clammy. The boy was just standing there laughing. When the door finally opened the nursed rushed over to me and tired to calm me down. The boy told one of the nurses that he wanted to talk to me and they told me to keep my eyes shut.
“My name is Llewellyn and I saw the book you were reading. It was very advanced knowledge. I would like to challenge you to a game of Jeopardy, to see who is smarter. I have tried to find someone who is a match to my ability for some time now, and I think you may be the one. So, what do you say?”
Hmm, Jeopardy, I thought. I’m better than most of the contestants on that show. “You have a deal Llewellyn. What is the prize?”
“I don’t know, why don’t we say that whoever looses has to wear a dunce cap for the rest of their lives.”
“You seem very confident. Good luck Llewellyn.”
“The challenge will take place in seven days in the courtyard outside, see you then.”
When he was gone I opened my eyes and started reading. I read every single book I had and asked some nurses to go get me some more from the library.
When the seventh day arrived, I was scared out of my wits. I had never competed in anything before. Llewellyn arrived and I quickly shut my eyes because I did not want to suffer a panic attack. Eunice had offered to read the questions for us. I am not sure this was the best idea. This woman really liked to sleep and she might collapse in the middle of reading a question. The nurses had set up podiums with bells on them, each a different pitch so we could tell who rang in first and a bulletin board with all the categories and money amounts on them.
All the old folks had come to watch the challenge some of them were even holding “GO WAHID!” signs. Others, who where not so fond of me were even holding “GO LLEWELYN!” signs.
The categories were “Knots to You,” “The 1950s,” “First Ladies,” “Math,” “In the Dictionary,” and “South America.” I was a little wary of the “Knots to You” category. I didn’t really expect that I would have to study the types of knots you could make and I was never a Boy Scout.
The game started, I started and picked “First Ladies” for $200. The question was, “She had four sons but only the oldest, Robert, lived to adulthood” If the game was going to be like this, I would win no problem. The challenge began.
“Who is Mary Todd Lincoln?” The answer was correct, except I wasn’t the one who answered. Llewellyn had buzzed in before me, he had very fast reflexes. “‘Knots to You’ for $500.” He looked over to me with a wry smile on his face. That made me nervous, as if he knew my weaknesses.
“Not tightness per se, but this kinetic force gives knots their holding power,” Eunice said.
“What is friction?” Llewellyn was now $700 up. How could this happen? I really had to step my game up. “‘Knots to You’ for $400.”
“Half a pair of pants, or the looseness in a knot.”
“What is slack?” I guessed, and got very lucky. “Math for $400.”
“The name "geometry" comes from two Greek words meaning this.”
“What is Earth and measure?” I buzzed in first, now Llewellyn was getting nervous, I could see it on his face. “First Ladies for $100.” If anything I would allow us to be tied.
“This no-nonsense first lady admitted that her trademark pearls are fake.”
“Who is Barbara Bush?” I answered. I was feeling much more confident now that I had answered three questions in a row. “South America for $200.”
“In the past, 12- to 14-year-old brides were not unusual in this Portuguese-speaking country.”
“What is Brazil?” Llewellyn answered, we were tied again. “The 1950s for $500.”
“The woman who started 1956 as Golda Myerson ended it as this at the insistence of her boss, David Ben-Gurion.”
We were both stumped; neither of us even knew who that was. It was definitely probably the first and last time that would ever happen. The timer ran out and we heard a high-pitched ding.
“The answer was Golda Meir.” Eunice said with a yawn. I was watching her very carefully to make sure she wasn’t going to fall asleep any time soon.
We were tied with $900. Since no one answered the question Llewellyn picked again.
“The 1950s for $400,” Llewellyn said.
“Listed as a billionaire in 1957, this American lived in a modest room in London.”
“Who is J. Paul Getty?” I answered. My heart was beating fast and I could feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins. Next to me, Llewellyn was sweating, he could tell he had to hurry up and answer some questions. “In the Dictionary for $400.”
“It's the 3-letter word for a sphere, the globe or an eyeball.”
“What is an orb?” I answered. I was ecstatic, I was kicking Llewellyn’s butt. The score was $1700 to $900. “In the Dictionary for $500.”
“I'm especially "partial" to this word for a line cut diagonally across the grain of a cloth.”
“What is bias?” Llewellyn answered. “Math for $500.”
“It's a quarter of a circle or one of four divisions of a plane.”
“What is a quadrant?” I answered, the game was going a little faster now, we both wanted to buzz first and get to the next question as quick as we could. “South America for $300.”
“Up to 80% of the counterfeit dollars passed in the U.S. are from this coffee country.”
“What is Colombia?” Llewellyn answered. “First Ladies for $500.”
“The only first lady whose given name was Claudia.”
“Who is Claudia Alta Taylor?” I answered. “First Ladies for $400.”
“Answer, the Daily Double.”
The Daily Double! I was very good at this category and I didn’t want Llewellyn to have a chance at beating me. “I’ll bet it all.” The crowd didn’t seem to think this was the best idea.
“She didn't attend her husband's 1797 inauguration because her mother-in-law was ill.”
Could that question be any easier? “Who is Abigail Adams?” Now the score was $5400 to $1700. “South America for $500.”
“Once known as Upper Peru, it has had over twenty presidents since World War II.”
“What is Bolivia?” Llewellyn answered. “The 1950s for $300.”
“In the early 1950s, "Teddy Boys" first appeared in this country.”
“What is England?” Llewellyn answered. “Knots to You for $300.”
“This geometric knot is one of the oldest in use.”
“What is a Square Knot?” Llewellyn answered again. “In the Dictionary for $300.”
“Rubricate means to write or paint in this color.”
“What is Ruby?” Llewellyn answered. “In the Dictionary for $200.”
“Used in medical terms, the prefix derma- refers to this part of the body.”
“What is skin?” I finally answered another question. The score was $5600 to $3100. “South America for $400.”
“An estimated 40% of the world's total copper supply is in three mines in this coastal country.”
“What is Chile?” Llewellyn answered. “Math for $300.”
“After multiplying these you should reduce the product if possible.”
“What are fractions?” Llewellyn answered. “First Ladies for $300.”
“Zasu Pitts got this first lady her first professional role in a play.”
“Who is Nancy Reagan?” Llewellyn answered. “South America for $100.”
“Ecuador derives its name from this geographical line.”
“What is the equator?” I answered. “The 1950s for $200.”
“Books in 1951 included "The Caine Mutiny", "From Here to Eternity", and this Salinger classic.”
“What is The Catcher in the Rye?” Llewellyn answered. “The 1950s for $100.”
“1951 saw the first electric power ever generated from this source.”
“What is nuclear energy?” I answered. The score was $5800 to $4300. “In the Dictionary for $100.”
“Look up the name of this Dickens character, & you'll find it can mean any miserly person.”
“Who is Scrooge?” I answered. “Math for $200.”
“For this operation, most people use the borrow method.”
“What is subtraction?” Llewellyn answered. “Knots to You for $200.”
“Term for a knot used to fasten a rope to an object or ‘your wagon to a star’”
“What is a hitch?” Llewellyn answered. “Knots to you for $100?”
“Kind of knot that sounds like it’s tied by your mother's mother.”
“What is a granny knot?” Llewellyn answered.
“This is the final question. Math for $100. Term for a type of triangle with three equal sides.”
“What is an equilateral?” Llewellyn answered. The score was $5900 to $4900. The Final Jeopardy question was up next.
“The smallest ancient wonder, it was the only one ever moved, having been transported to Constantinople around 391 A.D.” Eunice said.
I thought, and I thought. Everyone around me was silent and the pressure was on. We had only one minute to figure out the answer and I did not know how much time I had left. I snuck a peak to the side and it did not look as if Llewellyn was confident with a final answer either. I racked my brain for an answer that I would put down. We were warned that we had twenty seconds left when it came to me.
Time was up and it was time to reveal our answers. Llewellyn wrote down ‘What is the statue of Zeus?’ he wagered $2450. His answer was correct and his final score was $7350. I revealed my answer. I wrote ‘What is the statue of Zeus?’ I wagered $1500. My final score was $7400! Never underestimate the power of birthday candles!
I wondered if Llewellyn would stick to his punishment and actually wear the hat forever, I think, just for good measure I might super-glue it onto his head. That will keep it on for a while.
I couldn’t believe I won. My heart rate was beginning to slow from the adrenaline and a smile was growing on my face. Just as my accomplishment was about to hit me in the face, I heard someone scream.
“NOOO! How could this happen? No one is smarter than me!” Llewellyn cried. To my surprise, Llewellyn’s feet started to boil. Then they melted. His legs jiggled and they too melted. The rest of his body began to shake almost like he was having a seizure, and then there was a puddle of turquoise on the floor. About twenty teeth were floating on the top. I just starred at the teeth. My heart rate did not rise and I was not collapsing. I guess teeth aren’t so bad after all.