Shitty Superpowers | Teen Ink

Shitty Superpowers

April 16, 2019
By lilersonwrites, Novato, California
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lilersonwrites, Novato, California
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Favorite Quote:
"I'm gonna annotate my grave."


On all levels, hearing thoughts is kind of annoying. Sure, in theory it’s cool to be able to hear a fictional character’s thoughts, but only in theory. The thoughts overlap to the point of sounding like white noise, an incessant ringing, to the point where she can’t even hear the real dialogue. Can you imagine the zombie hoard scenes in The Walking Dead? Or any crowd scene? Even if she mutes the TV, the dialogue stops but their thoughts keep coming. And contrary to popular belief, people can change the volume of the voice inside their heads, as she’s learned through experience.

It might be more useful if her power worked for people in real life, but the closest she can get is talk shows and reality TV, which is less than helpful. Of course, having the power for people in real life would be awful too if she still couldn’t turn it off, but at least she’d have some insight; maybe she’d find out why her bio teacher’s so insane. But no, the world had to give her a useless power.

They’d wondered what was wrong with her as a baby. The TV would overstimulate her little baby brain and give her migraines; she’d cry and cry, but no one knew what was happening. She was kept in the hospital for the better part of a month, going through tests to figure out was wrong, and they were only half right. The doctors figured out the TV was the problem, but not to what extent; it was only when she could talk that her parents found out that she could hear too much from the TV. Honestly, she was lucky to not be locked up and experimented on. Her parents hid her shitty little power from the doctors, only saying enough to get her medicine for her migraines. Of course, once they’d found out they no longer watchedd TV, raising her on books and board games.

Her parents thought it might fade with age, like how people’s synesthesia fades as they get older and their brain develops, but no. Her whole life she had to question what she was hearing. Her friends didn’t know, so she had to constantly discern if what she was hearing was real or the TV downstairs. She had to question what she was hearing at the store, where there were five different TVs playing at once. She grew to question it to the point where she didn’t know anymore.

In theory, to be able to sense creatures of another world seems interesting, useful even (the Winchesters could certainly do with that talent). Demons, although monstrous, are still such an interesting phenomenon, especially looking at the fact that each religion has their own demons, and to know that they’re real implies that there may be a god after all, right? Such insight on the worlds must provide a smidge of comfort, and surely this talent could be useful in some instances.

No.

She could sense them. Nothing more. There’s nothing worse than the feeling of dread, of impending doom, but not knowing directly where it lies. To know that a demon is there, somewhere, but not knowing if it was in the next room or above your head, crawling on the ceiling like a spider? It’s nothing but anxiety. Her power’s like a crappy metal detector; she can tell you that there’s something near, but not what, and she can’t see or hear it. To live in fear of demons that most people don’t truly believe exist is to spend life alone.

The doctors thought she was crazy. Diagnosed with severe anxiety and schizophrenia, waving off this child sat in front of them claiming that demons were real. Medications that weren’t needed were prescribed, and eventually she learned to lie and “get better.” She only mentioned the demons when it was something truly powerful, and only then did she say it to her parents, who, by then, knew the doctors couldn’t help.

Even so, her parents didn’t even believe her, thinking the doctors knew best. She would warn them that a danger was near, but they’d only reassure her that there wasn’t anything under the bed. It wasn’t until they woke to her screaming and floating above her bed, eyes rolled back into her head that they believed her.

Don't worry though — she survived. She learned to carry salt and glue.

Shapeshifting sounds fun. After all, what could be better than turning into another creature? It’s to be able to dive into the depths of the oceans without coming up for air. Until he shapeshifts back.

On paper, being able to turn into a fish could be fun, useful at times even, but it’s only a fish. He can only turn into a fish. All the people he read about as a child could turn into cool animals, like tigers and sharks. He hoped that one day he’d be learn to control his powers, grow his powers, turn into anything he wants whenever he wants. But no, of course not. Of course he got stuck with the power to turn into a fish at random times. And to be stuck as the fish. It’s a miracle he’s still alive.

The one time he almost “drowned” as a fish was the first time he shapeshifted. One moment he was there, the next there was a goldfish flopping on the dining room chair; his parents didn’t know what the hell was happening, but got him in water and proceeded to freak out. He’d almost drowned as a boy when he’d swam too deep and suddenly changed back into a human. Since then, he was afraid of drowning, and afraid of land, since life likes to be ironic. Still, at least there’s plenty of fish to turn into.

The most fun he’d had was when he’d turned into an iridescent shark, but he’d lost his swimming trunks in the process. And then there was the time when he turned into a feeder fish and was chased by an eel through the lake.

His parents ended up moving into a lakeshore house, thinking it would be safer for him there; when he turned into a fish, quickly carry him to the lake. It was also shallow enough to teach him to swim when he wasn’t already aquatic, incase he randomly turned back into a human too far off shore. The weirdest part was going in public. Not wanting to deal with the paperwork and curious scientists, he was homeschooled, but he had to socialize somehow. And what was the only logical solution? Carry a container of water around, apparently. If he turned into a fish at the mall, scoop him in and fold his clothes; hopefully the store won’t mind having a woman carry a fish into the changing room.



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