Throughout my lifetime, I have come to many realizations. I have experienced grief, I have had my moments of appreciation for others, and I have broken through when learning about myself as well as numerous others. Three specific items come to mind when asked the question. “What do you carry?”.I, as well as anyone else, carry many things emotionally, whether we bury them deep down, or keep them out for everyone to see, we have them. Sometimes it is difficult to share these emotions, I know it is for me. But I have learned that a lot of major events in my life, could be represented by some tangible object, and the story can be told through it.  Almost like the object itself is an emotion, it has a story and a feeling that always goes along with it. So sharing objects, as well as the stories that go along with them can open people up in a more comfortable way, because sometimes for emotions one just doesn't have the words to express them.

In my closet, there is an ugly green and brown patterned fleece sweater, size XXL at least. It has been in there for five years, and I have never worn it. Five years ago, my great grandma passed away. We all knew it was coming but it felt like nobody was prepared when it actually happened. She was like the heartbeat to our family, someone who we all looked up to. Her passing was the first time I remember feeling grief. At age 11, I just wanted something to remember her by; I wanted to keep an image of her, and I didn’t want to ever forget her. I looked through all of her clothes that were left over. Being one of the youngest in the family, I got the last pick. I went through all of the clothes and jewelry that was left. There were a lot of things, but everything was brand new. Most of the clothing still had tags on it, and there were only chains and mismatched earrings left in the jewelry box. I soon gave up and stopped looking. Months later, I was in my parents’ closet. I don’t remember what I was doing in there, but I remember smelling my great grandma's perfume. I followed the scent to a familiar sweater; it was ugly, brown, and huge on me. I immediately claimed it as mine and kept it in my closet. I never wear it, and it still holds her faint scent. That is something I believe I will always carry.

I was turning 16, and my grandma told me she had a present for me. I prepared myself for more meaningless clothing.  She always gave me old dresses or shirts that I would never wear, but I would always take them to spare her feelings. To my surprise, that didn't happen this year. From behind her back, she pulled out a beautiful ring and handed it to me. It was gold with two small blue stones and two round white ones. It fit perfectly on my finger, when I got home I put it on a chain and wore it around my neck to keep it out of the way. Not long after though, the chain broke and I stopped wearing the ring. I had almost completely forgotten about it. This summer, while visiting my grandparents, my grandma, once again, pulled me aside and told me she had a present for me. She asked me about the ring, and I had told her that the chain I wore it on broke, and I needed to get it fixed. She then surprised me by saying, “I must've known.” She then held up two brand new chains, and told me to pick one. It may seem silly, because everyone gets gifts from their grandparents. My grandma gives me gifts more than anyone I know. But this is the first time I truly believe that she put thought into what she was giving me, and she had never really done that for me, or any of my cousins before. Now I always carry that ring on the chain with me, to remind me how much my family means to me, and mow much my grandma cares about me.

My third and final item is something that almost everyone has. Airpods. I obviously do the same thing as everyone else with them too, I watch movies, listen to music, and play podcasts. But the reason I carry them with me is because I believe what I listen to, allows me to grow to be a better version of myself. I listen to all kinds of music, but my favorite singer of all time is Shakira. Her music always sounds happy and even her sad songs have an upbeat sound to them.  It can always put me in a good mood. It's not only her music though, for the past few years I have also looked up to Shakira as an individual; she is one of the most powerful women on this earth and the way she presents herself is amazing. She opened her own non-profit organization at 18. She is a world wide popstar, and is actively involved in the UNICEF foundation. She is a mother of two, and through all of her years in the spotlight, she has not been involved in any type of scandal. Obviously I don't plan on becoming a world famous popstar, but learning about Shakira and listening to her music has played a huge role in who I am. As much as I love music, I feel that about half of the time I have my earbuds in, I am not listening to music, but I am listening to my favorite podcast. I started from the first episodes and listened until I caught up with the present day where new episodes are continuing to be released every week. In the beginning of the show, it was a comedy podcast with terrible advice but hilarious content. As time went on, the podcast kept leaning more and more towards the mental health side. But for me, it didn't matter what the genre was, I found the girls who did the podcast fascinating. The way that they had so much confidence, and gave advice about how to be confident and how to become comfortable with yourself was inspiring. Overall, between Shakira and the women from that podcast, I have become more confident in myself and I am truly happy with who I am, and who I continue to grow and become. 

Throughout my life, the things that are important to me have changed, and they probably will continue to change as time goes on. These specific items I have chosen to write about are the most important things that I carry at this time in my life, and they represent some of my most important moments of growth and realization. I carry that big ugly sweater so that I will always have a part of my great grandma nearby. I carry that ring to remind me that even with everything that my grandma battles mentally, she still loves me and thinks about me. And I carry my airpods to remind me that there are people in this world that I can look up to, and be inspired by. These three things to me, best represent the people in my life whose words and actions were powerful enough to shape me into the person that I am today and the person I continue to become.