When I walk, I sometimes hear music in my head. It’s like a sort of theme song playing as the actions in my life sort themselves out. Left, right, left, right, my feet slap the ground. The rhythm and the sound of my jeans swishing as my legs rub together create a perfect symphony. While others find wretched sounds in nature disturbing I like to think of them as whispering voices in my head keeping me company as I walk through the park.

I always walk alone. No one accompanies me or talks to me as I make my way through the city. It’s cool with me though because I like making my own way in life. My own path made by me, myself, and I. Although, sometimes I don’t cooperate with myself very well because while my brain tells me no my mouth screams the words yes, yes, yes! Yep, that’s how it is. That’s how it always is. At least, it always was that way.

I never planned to move in with my cousin. That was never my intention. The future for me was as bright as the morning day and as clear as the cold night, but somehow one day that all got confusing.

That one day when I was sitting in my classroom listening to my poetry teacher talk about the classics of Edgar Allan Poe and the plays of William Shakespeare I thought about death. My teacher began a conversation about The Raven and as she read stanzas of the poem I began to think about what it would be like to die, or to have someone die. I daydreamed for the first time and soon the lunch bell rang and I was carefully gathering my bag with my books and heading out the door.
It seemed like a dream because as I walked out the door and into the hallway I could’ve sworn I heard a bird cackling behind me. My footsteps automatically quickened and for the first time I wasn’t hungry. I rushed past the lunchroom and ran out onto the parking lot through the side doors of the school. Hastily I grabbed for my keys in my bag and fought to find my silver civic. I turned my head to look back and right in front of my face was a cackling raven. Its red beady eyes and silky black wings were terrifyingly real. The beak and head of the wretched creature were so alarmingly huge that I screamed. After the final rush of panic escaped me I ran. I ran because I was scared.
That day, my parents died, and that day the smart nerdy girl who wasn’t afraid of anything and who knew absolutely everything, had to turn into the dark gangster girl who didn’t care.
That day was as dark and cold for me as all the other days without my parents were. Nothing made me happy. At school nobody would talk to me, my boyfriend and I broke up, and my grades went drastically down. When I would look at myself in the mirror I didn’t look like a regular girl. I looked like that sad depressed teen that didn’t belong anywhere. Not even my clothes seemed to fit anymore. They all made me sad, so I decided to change everything.
I went from cashmere sweaters, to leather jackets; from skinny jeans and flats, to baggy jeans and combat boots. I made myself who I wanted to be, but who isn’t yet who I am suppose to be. I made myself into the girl my parents would’ve been ashamed of, and for that I am proud. At least maybe that way they’ll be able to spot me easier from heaven.
Since then every time I passed through the hallways of my school I always saw heads turn and stare, but more importantly I saw a shadow of a dark bird follow me everywhere. Sometimes there were two, other times there was just one lone one. I didn’t care. They seemed to be the only things in my life that would even come close to me.
Sometimes, when I was alone, I could see the two shadows closely. When there was only one I could see them more detailed. One shadow was always bigger than the other one, bigger and stronger. That shadow followed me mostly at school and whenever I went out somewhere. The other shadow was the dainty one. Smaller it was in size and appearance because it only showed up whenever I was eating or falling asleep. I liked them both, not only because they kept me company but because they reminded me of two people I love… my Mommy and Daddy.

Mom and Dad didn’t die out of a car crash, no sir; they didn’t die as if they were in a novella. No food poisoning or shooting occurred, and they didn’t drown. People think death is quick and you always know when you’re going to die. That’s not true. Acid doesn’t kill you quickly. Acid never tells you when you’re going to die, in fact, acid does the opposite. It keeps you guessing. When someone squirts you with it, the acid takes over and does its job. It never kills and tells.
That’s what happened with them. They were cooking dinner when a knock on the door came and these two husky men barged in. I wasn’t even there and now that I think of it I wish I had been. They found my parents making burgers in the kitchen and as soon as my parents realized there was an intrusion they didn’t even have time to turn their heads before you-know-what happened.
The investigator said it must’ve taken at least two hours for them to die, and in that time they suffered hell. I couldn’t look at my parents when the white cloth covered their bodies. All I could see was blood oozing out of the chemical sores. It smelled something like rotten eggs and nasty medicine, but in the mix I could also detect rotting flesh.
I didn’t cry a tear drop that day. I wasn’t even sad. Maybe it was the endless flower bouquets and cards I got or maybe the ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ gift baskets I received that kept me from thinking they were gone. Believe it or not, I loved my parents. They were the only family I had ever known.
I lost everything when they were gone. They left nothing for me in their will, only their love. Technically, though, since I was their only child I was to inherit everything when I turned 18, and that included the house and the three cars. Being 17 and a half, I was unable to touch anything. So, being the low-lying person that I turned into, I sold all the expensive clothes they had bought me and all the designer shoes I no longer wore and bought myself another new civic. That was when I decided to move.
I couldn’t live in the house anymore without there being an investigator or police right outside. I left somewhere far away. So far, in fact, that now I am certain the law people put my house on sale, along with the cars. Ha, what do I care; I have my own car anyways, and soon, I’ll have my own home again too.

My cousin always texted me saying, “Hey! Girl, what’s up?” He loved to make me laugh. When my parents died he was there for me. He was the only cousin I had and the only one I wanted to have. He was perfect.
I asked him one day where he lived. He described his three story mansion-like house on the curb of a gang street they call ‘The Street’. He said it was white and looked like heaven, but to outsiders it looked haunted. I never fully understood why he said it was white. The day I visited him the house was a fading gray color, but not the unpleasant fading but the relaxing type.
My cousin always sighed when he talked about his house. He would sigh then pause then sigh and continue as if he was thinking about some long history that was unspeakable. When he would do that I would often daydream and not think much of it, but then again that’s just the fake me. Inside my mind I would wonder to great extremes what he was thinking about.
I came knocking on his door after a two day drive from my house. I was tired, sweaty, and hungry out of my mind. When I stood there on his white-washed porch I was getting ready to just kick down that stupid oak door instead of waiting. He opened the door to find me grabbing my hair in distress. But do you want to know what he did when he saw me? He laughed. Yep, that psycho laughed.
He was crazy to me sometimes. He would laugh to hysterics when he heard a simple joke. Sometimes it only took saying, “Knock, knock… Who’s there? Orange… Orange who? Orange-you glad I didn’t say Michael?” and he would literally laugh for two hours straight. He loved to hear his name in jokes, especially when they were really stupid jokes.
There wasn’t a day when you didn’t see my cousin smiling or laughing or making really dumb jokes. Everyone liked him, and he liked everyone. He was always the life and center of every party. Every girl wanted him, but too bad he had his beloved girlfriend.
I never planned anything when I went to live with my cousin. The only things in my head were to get as far away from my parents’ death as possible. I didn’t care where I went.

I spent two weeks at his house before he got shot. Those two weeks were the best weeks of my life, but somehow it felt wrong. When I partied with him I always felt tension inside of him when he laughed and smiled. The twinkles in his eyes were gone.
That day when he left me, we were standing in front of his house. There was a giant willow tree in the corner of his yard and underneath it he had put a swing-seat. I loved to sit there every night with a blanket and just look out in between the branches at the sky. He would often join me except for that one night.

Friday, when he would be hysterical to his limit, he was dead silent. He didn’t laugh at breakfast, lunch, or dinner. He didn’t even laugh when he watched his favorite TV show, The Big Bang Theory! His girlfriend and I tried everything possible but nothing worked. I was starting to worry, but I was frightened when he didn’t join me under the willow. The moment I got up I had made the biggest mistake in my life.

I went to get him, and there was still light outside. I ran into the living room where I found him slumped on the couch staring at the plasma with a blank stare. His girlfriend was nowhere to be found and the TV was turned off. It must’ve been silent before I waltzed in because the minute my foot crossed the threshold he jerked his head up and stared at me.

I said, “Hey, you. What’re you doing, man?”

Silence.

I got closer to him and noticed bags under his eyes. Had he been up all night? I didn’t care. I tugged his arm to try to get him outside. He wouldn’t budge.

“C’mon dude! You can’t be lying there you’re gonna get some cramps!”

“Victoria, leave me be. I’ll join you in a minute.” He replied with a hoarse voice.

“Okay.” I replied a little dumb-founded.

I backed up and stood there watching him for a good solid three minutes before I turned to go. By then, though, he had already stiffened up and was getting to his feet. I backed up and gave him some room to cross over the threshold and into the main hallway. There he stopped and took a long glance around the house. I waited patiently as he circled in a 360 motion. I looked around too, but I still didn’t get what he was doing.

“Viper, we should go out for a walk.” He spoke calmly in monotone.

“Sure, where to?” I asked tentatively.

He scratched his head and looked down. My gaze followed his but all I saw was the Italian rug. The design resembled the Eiffel tower.

“We should go outside now. Hold my hand, Viper.” He said.

I grabbed his hand and we walked silently outside, and then I spoke, “What’s wrong, Michael?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you sure? You’ve been quiet lately and- Are you okay?” I looked down and kept my voice at a whisper.

His eyes were turning red. I had no clue as to why but as I stared at him perplexed something deep inside of me was dying. I was so confused as to why, but my conscious told me to just keep walking.

We were halfway down the street and away from his house. The sky was dark, and it was a bit chilly outside. I looked at him again but this time from the corner of my eye and I saw him shake and take a deep breath.

We kept walking.

“There are some things you don’t understand, Viper.” He replied after a moment.

“What things are those?” I huffed back.

“Life, Viper. Just life.”

Raising my eyebrows I coughed, “What don’t I know about life? I’m alive aren’t I?”

He laughed.

We continued to walk down the street deeper into the neighborhood. I could hear the cars on the freeway not far from where we walked. Somewhere distant a baby was crying and a couple was fighting. The sounds were depressing.

“I’ve never been out here before.” I whispered.

Michael looked at me dumbfounded and then began to whistle.

“Why are you whistling? Dude, it’s creeping me out!” I agitated.

“Whistling is for the heart not for the mind, Viper.”

“Oooh, okay.”

“Yep,” He sighed.

We stopped. We were in front of the neighborhood alleyway and it smelled of rotten food and human feces. I cringed my nose at the smell but Michael only seemed to be breathing deeper.

“Sometimes, Viper, you have to save yourself before you can save anyone else…”

I heard a click. A gun shot followed. The light in Michael’s eyes disappeared and his hand went limp in mine. He fell to his knees. I stood there paralyzed. My hands and legs were numb and all I could do was look at him. Leaning down he had his head on the cement as he clutched his chest. Three seconds later he was dead. His whole body collapsed and he lied there on the cement completely still.

The bullet in his back made its way completely through his body. Blood splattered everywhere. He was surrounded by a pool of blood, his blood. The scene of the crimson mess woke something in me. My throat tightened and tears stung my eyes. Adrenaline shot through my chest and my legs jerked forward and I ran. I ran pushing my legs to their limit and trying to leave everything behind me. I dared to look back and as I did all I saw was blood, my cousin’s pure red blood.

I ran and hid the week of my cousin’s death. I’m still hiding now. Now that I live permanently in his house, I can’t help but wonder if he knew he was going to die. The day he died I found his will on his bed. He left everything to me. I had no intention of using any of his money, so I sent it all to his girlfriend and her parents.

Now, I am alone. Michael is gone. I just wish I could’ve told him how much he meant to me.

When I walk I always hear music. The park, the street, basically everywhere I go I hear the sounds all around me like a theme song. Even now while I’m making my way through the park I can hear mocking birds up in the trees. Their babies cry out to them too. There’s a white bench in this park. No one’s sitting there. I get closer and sit down for a minute. Everything’s quiet and peaceful.

A shadow befalls me. I look up and I see three ravens looking at me from a branch in a tree. They all c*** their heads in unison and one by one they flutter away, all going a different direction.

“Three companions now, I guess.” I whisper to myself.

I get up, stick my hands in my jeans and make my way down more into the park. I make my way with my ravens.