Leyla lay on the doctor’s chair, as the nurse dressed in pink squirted the blue goop onto her stomach. It was warm, and slimy. Caleb stood next to her, holding her hand, stroking it comfortingly. They had not said anything to each other the entire day, but for different reasons. Caleb was nervous and excited, while Leyla was full of dread. Leyla looked at the screen, waiting to see some kind of small human-looking thing. All she saw were blobs, nothing she recognized as human. Caleb started sniffling. Leyla turned and looked at him.

“Are you crying?” she asked.

“It’s just so beautiful” he said, wiping a tear from his eye.

“It really is, isn’t it?” the nurse said, smiling at them. Leyla looked back at the screen, wondering if it had changed from the last time she had looked, if they had seen something that she hadn’t. It hadn’t changed; it looked the same as before. She could kind of make out a head, but there was something blocking it.

“What exactly am I looking for? I can’t really make out the head-”

“Heads” the nurse said, beaming. Caleb gasped, and he squeezed her hand. The nurse nodded, but Leyla didn’t understand.

“Wait, does my baby have two heads?” she asked. She didn’t see how that could be a good thing.

“No” the nurse chuckled. “You’re having twins!” Leyla felt like the breath had been knocked out of her.

“Isn’t it wonderful?” the nurse squealed. Leyla nodded, but on the inside she was panicking. She didn’t even know if she wanted to have one kid, and now she was having two. Leyla never imagined herself getting married or having children. But there she was, married for a year and having two children. From the beginning, Leyla worked hard to make herself invisible. She hated attention, she didn’t like being noticed. She was the eldest of three children; she had one brother and one sister. Most older siblings are the leaders, but not Leyla. She was the one who was usually forgotten places, and that’s why she tried to make herself as unnoticeable as possible. That way, she was never disappointed.

Leyla went to Bates College and majored in Communications. Even in college she tried to be invisible, but it didn’t work. There were a few things that were working against Leyla: she was hopelessly beautiful. She had naturally blond hair, porcelain skin, and big brown eyes. Her hair was very curly, and she was naturally curvy. Caleb could not ignore her, and she could not ignore him. After dating for six years, they got married at the age of twenty-five. Getting married to Caleb was the smart choice to Leyla; he was a civil engineer, she was struggling to find a job. He liked good wine, would watch her reality television shows with her and let her control the radio in the car. He didn’t fight her when she told him she wanted to move back to her hometown in Colorado even though he was from Idaho. As the year went on, Leyla started to realize that she did not love Caleb, not in the way he wanted anyways. Caleb loved her unconditionally, whether her breath smelled bad or she was grumpy to him, he would always love her. Leyla loved him sometimes, usually after they had made love, and then that love would last for a day and fade into liking. It was more of a lust relationship, but it wasn’t sexual. It was the way she knew he would always be there, he would always love her. It scared her, but she needed it. The thing that she didn’t like was how much he needed her. It made it harder for her to disappear, made it harder for her to run. That’s how Leyla dealt with her problems, she ran. She couldn’t run away from Caleb; he always found her. She couldn’t hide from him, she couldn’t be invisible. And even if she could, she couldn’t force herself to leave him. She never could say goodbye, no matter how miserable she was.

“Do you want to know when you’re due?” the nurse asked. Leyla didn’t quite hear her.

“Excuse me?”

“Do you want to know when you’re having your little bundles of joy?”

“Oh, I suppose that would be useful information” Leyla sighed.

“I’ll go get the doctor” the nurse said as she got off her stool. She walked out the door to go get the doctor. Caleb grabbed Leyla’s hand and kissed it. The last time she had seen him so happy was on their wedding day.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

Leyla swallowed. She didn’t know what to tell him. She looked at his face and saw how excited he was. “I guess we better get working on a nursery” she said, smiling, it wasn’t a genuine smile, but it was the best she could do. The doctor walked in, a smile on his face too.

“Congratulations! It’s not too often we see twins” he exclaimed.

“It isn’t?”
“Just a few times a year” he said. He looked at the screen, to see a screenshot of the ultrasound. “When was your last period?” he asked her. She blushed.
“Um, December 24.” The doctor looked at her, then back at the screen.
“I’m going to say you’re due September 30, but with twins it will most likely be early, so I’d be prepared” he said, smiling.
Leyla and Caleb left the doctor’s office. The weather was still so cold that Leyla had to wear her winter jacket. Caleb put his arm around her as they walked to their car.
“I can’t wait. Six months seems so far away” he said, and he kissed her cheek.
“I can’t wait either” Leyla lied. She felt her stomach turning, and she didn’t know if it was her or her babies.
The days went on and Leyla started getting bigger. She sat at home while Caleb went to work. Sometimes Leyla had friends over or went out to her favorite ice cream parlor, but she tried to stay in and away from people as much as possible. There were two people she was trying to avoid as much as she could: her parents.
“Don’t you think we should invite your parents over soon? Have you told them yet?” Caleb asked one day at dinner. Leyla twirled spaghetti on her fork.
“I think we should wait a little bit longer-”
“I think we’ve waited long enough, Leyla. It’s been a month since we had our ultrasound and you haven’t told anyone.”
“I’m not ready to tell people yet” Leyla said, as she took a sip of water. Caleb put his fork down.
“Why not?”
Leyla paused and thought about what Caleb would want to hear. “I’m just worried” she said as she put her glass of water down. She looked down at her plate. “What if something goes wrong, what if I have a miscarriage or something. Think about how much that would upset everyone.”
Caleb smiled and reached out to take her hand. “We’ve already gotten past the riskiest part of pregnancy, baby” he said, trying to comfort her.
“You’re right. I’m just being silly.”
The next day Caleb made the call to Leyla’s parents to invite them over for dinner. Caleb had already told his parents, he was too excited to keep a secret. Leyla dreaded telling her parents, it would make it harder for her to run. She felt as if she was being choked, she felt her freedom being taken away from her.

At five o’clock her parents showed up for dinner. Leyla decided not to try to hide the small bump she had acquired, she doubted her parents would notice anyways. They never noticed anything except how big her house was or how everything was white or “Oh Caleb, how handsome you look tonight”. That night was no different. The doorbell rang at 4:59. Both she and Caleb went to the door. Caleb wrapped his arm around her and opened the door, with a huge grin on his face. Her parents were there and they were not alone.

“You invited over Ray and Priscilla?” She said between her teeth.

“I didn’t think you would mind” he replied. Leyla’s family entered, nearly knocking her over to give Caleb hugs and kisses. Her family thought that it was a miracle from God himself that Leyla got married, and to a man like Caleb.

“She’s always been the strange one” Leyla’s mother would say. “She’s too quiet for any decent boy to like her, we thought she would be the one with six cats, didn’t we Carl? But look at her now. He’s a nice man, that Caleb. So polite, so handsome, so tall. And those arm muscles!” She would then giggle, even though no middle-aged woman should, and say “They’ll make beautiful children”.

“Did you notice anything different about Leyla?” he asked. The whole family turned to look at her.

“Did you dye your hair?” Priscilla asked. Priscilla was Leyla’s younger sister. She was the middle child, and she had just moved back in with their parents. She had just gotten her masters degree in environmental science. She was supposed to be the smart one in the family, but Leyla thought she was just lucky or that she got lucky with her professors.

“No.”

“New makeup?” Ray asked. Ray was the youngest one, and he had just told their parents that he was gay. His parent’s were not upset for one second, in fact they were histatic. Leyla’s mother now had someone to go shopping with.

“No,” Leyla sighed. Her family stared at her a long time in silence.

“Holy s***, she’s knocked up” Carl, Leyla’s father said. They all looked at her stomach and started yelling with excitement. Leyla couldn’t make out what they were trying to say, it all sounded like noise to her. Her mother went up and rubbed her stomach, saying how wonderful it all was, but the more noise they made, the more unsure she was.

“Wait there’s more” Caleb said, walking towards her and resting his hands on her belly. “We’re having twins.” This brought out more noise from her family. It exhausted her.

The dinner went on, it seemed to never end for Leyla. Her family asked questions like “Have you thought of any names yet?” and “What are your nursery colors?” Caleb had all the answers while she had none.
The next few months were longer than any other time Leyla had experienced. The feeling of dread consumed her. She had another ultrasound and found out that she was having two girls. Caleb was a little sad about this, but he was still happy that they were having children at all. Leyla’s stomach grew bigger, until she was huge. The sight of herself repulsed her. She found herself crying more and more, and she never cried. Caleb started to notice how unhappy she was.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just exhausted” she said. That time she wasn’t lying. She was exhausted. She felt like she was fighting a war, and she was. She hated the thought of having children. Once she had children her life was over, she wouldn’t be able to fade away. She would always have to be someone’s everything, and for some women that was a dream come true. But not Leyla. Leyla did not want to be needed, and she didn’t want to need anyone. It was too late now, she was stuck. And that scared Leyla more than anything. She was due in two months, and she felt terror instead of joy. The happier and more excited Caleb got, the more unhappy Leyla was. She felt her babies move around inside of her, and it made her want to disappear. She knew she could never be a good mother to them.

Leyla lay awake in bed, unable to sleep because of the feeling of her babies rolling around in her stomach. And then she felt something quite odd. Some kind of warmth, as if

“S***” she said. She rose up on her elbows and looked at the clock. It was three in the morning. “Caleb” she said.

“Hmmm?”

“My water broke.” Caleb sat up.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m pretty damn sure.” Caleb got up and helped Leyla up.

The next twenty-three hours seemed to be in slow motion for Leyla. Caleb raced down the road to get Leyla to the hospital on time. When they got there, he started yelling at all the hospital staff saying his wife was in labor with twins and she was two months early. Leyla was pushed into the hospital on a wheelchair. The feeling of panic consumed Leyla, to the point of hysteria. All she could do was cry, and whenever a nurse would ask her a question, she could make incomprehensible sounds that sounded like babbling.

Leyla was put into a room that had a flickering light, but Caleb told her the view was nice. He spent most of his time sitting next to her, stroking her hair or holding her hand. Leyla was not in much pain in the beginning, but every hour her pain increased. Soon, it was every few minutes.

They gave Leyla pain relievers to try to help her, and to try to make her quiet. Leyla had been crying uncontrollably for hours. Caleb tried to help her, thinking that water would help or he would try to talk to her.
“You’re strong, baby. You can do this,” he said, multiple times. All that Leyla wanted was to be alone. With all the nurses and doctors coming in and out of her room, poking her with needles and putting more stuff in her iv, and Caleb trying to comfort her, she felt overpowered and terrified. Caleb told her that he needed to go outside and make a call, he would be back in the room in a few minutes. Leyla felt relieved to be alone, even though she knew it wouldn’t be for long. She looked down at her pregnant stomach, and she put her hands on it. It used to repulse her, but it had gotten better. She felt more at ease with the idea of being a mother than she ever had been. She didn’t know if it was medicine they had given her or if she was coming to terms with the fact that she was going to be a mother.
A nurse came in, probably to see if she was still alive. Leyla had stopped crying, she was very peaceful.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better” Leyla said, and she sighed. It wasn’t a defeated sigh, it was a fulfilled sigh. The nurse nodded and left. Leyla enjoyed the silence that was around her, she liked that she could hear the clock ticking and the beeping the machine made. She looked up at the clock, it was noon. They had been there for nine hours. Caleb returned and sat next to her. He took her hand and kissed it.
“How are you feeling, my dear” he asked her. She smiled at him.
“I’m feeling alright. It’s all going to be good” she said. Leyla and Caleb sat in silence for a long time. Silence made Caleb uncomfortable, so he was very relieved when Leyla’s family came running in. Her mother kissed her and hugged her, and her siblings went to talk to Caleb. Carl stood by the door, just watching his daughter. After her mother had calmed down, her father went to his daughter.
“How are you doing, angel?”
“I’ll be okay daddy. I’m tough” Leyla replied. Her father was Leyla’s favorite member of the family.
“Would you mind if I waited outside?” he asked, not wanting to see what was going to happen.
“No, I’d prefer it” she said, laughing. He squeezed her hand and left as a doctor came in to “check on” Leyla.
“We’re about ready to start pushing” she said.
Her siblings tried to stay there, but they couldn’t stomach it. Her mother and Caleb both stayed with her. After seven hours of pushing, out came one baby. An hour later the other one came. They were so small, that they had to be checked out before they were given to the mother. Leyla did not cry, or scream, but Caleb did. Caleb cried the rest of the day, they were tears of happiness. Soon, Leyla was given both of the babies. They were so small; both of them were just over three pounds. The nurses told her the babies would have to stay at the hospital, and she would have to spend the night there too. They then asked if they had any names.
“We do-” Caleb said.
“No, Caleb. I don’t think we do” Leyla interrupted.
“I thought we decided-”
“Well I changed my mind” she said. Caleb stared at her, shocked. He then realized that she had just given life to his two children.
“Okay” he said. Leyla named her children Angel and Joy, because of the joy they had given her and because she felt like an angel had given her life meaning. Leyla realized what she had wanted all along; meaning. And she felt free.