The funeral was a warm one.  The sky was an endless blue, and the clouds passed in a slow, yet wonderful fashion.  They barely hindered the sun, as it shined upon the fields below. The day could have been considered hot even, if it not for the soothing wind, that would blow every so often, that the sun never became bothersome. As the whispers twisted through the grass, and the trees, there would arise a song of simple peace made from the earth.  I would have loved it, if it hadn’t been for the day.

I refocused my thoughts on the world around me.  The funeral attendant in front of us was currently reading verses from the Bible.  I didn’t recognize most of them, and after a while of listening, they all blurred into one, broken goodbye.

I shifted my gaze onto my parents.  My father, for as strong as he normally was, seemed to be clinging on to my mother for dear life, as if letting go would result in losing everything that he had left.  His face was buried in her back, with his arm stationed on her sides.  Despite being almost a foot taller than her, she was acting as his support beam, for he could no longer stay strong.

My mother on the other hand, was refusing to succumb to her emotions.  She was as stiff as marble, with her eyes never shifting for the scene in front of her, and if it hadn’t been for the slow rise of her chest, I could have mistaken her as a statue.  I understood why she was acting this way, and I also knew, that if she could, she’d break.  However my mother was needed, so she refused.

As the attendant continued, I shifted my eyes from the pair, and onto the ink-colored crowd that surrounded me.  Some I recognized.  Most I didn’t.  Almost all were crumbling, and those who weren’t, looked ready to start.

“Now”, said the lead attendant, as my eyes were refocused onto him, “it’s time for the final goodbye to the deceased.  Immediate family are to go first, and as soon as they’re done, other relatives and friends can follow, and once everyone is finished, we’ll proceed with the burial.  That is all, thank you,” he concluded, as he closed the Bible in his hand, and walked to the group of other attendants standing behind us.

For a second, no one moved, until I heard my parents start to shuffle forward, and when my mother’s eyes met my own, I knew that it was time.  She and my father walked slowly, as I began to trail behind them.  My siblings gradually started to separate themselves from the crowd, and as we made our way to the casket.

No one spoke, or even tried for that matter. We all had stopped a ways before we reached the casket.  It almost seemed like we were about to start a line, but we still didn’t move.

My father went first.  With shaking hands, he leaned over the casket, tightly gripping its sides as he spoke in a quick and soft manner.  I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but I had a strong feeling they were apologies.

My soon mother joined him.  She laid her hand onto the coffin and stared at it.  She didn’t speak, but she didn’t have to.  Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she turned to my father and whispered, “It’s time to go.”  His only response was a slow shake of the head.

She pressed on, “Come on Lewie, we need to go. You know as well as I do that it is time,” she whispered gently.

My father drew in a sharp breath, “I-”, he choked.  He clenched his fists and tried again “I-, I-,” he swallowed, “I can’t” he finally managed.

“I know,” she replied.  “But you need too.”  When he didn’t response, she went on, “I understand Lewie, by god I do, he was mine just as much as he was yours, but we need to leave, we have other people to think about right now.  You know just as well as I do that he wouldn’t want this.” By then, she was crying.  He turned to her, before looking back at the wooden box in front him.

A few moments passed, and my father was on his feet, ready and willing.  My parents left embracing each other, and as they went, I saw my father stiffen for a moment before continuing forward, as if he wanted to say something, but knew that it was far too late.

My older siblings, Tai and Russet, soon took their place in front of the coffin.  I don’t think I had ever seen my sister look so bad up until that point.  Her eyes were extremely swollen, and her loud sobs were slowly turning into sniffles.  Tai was also crying, but not as badly.  He looked like he wanted to start screaming.  Considering the circumstances, I didn’t blame him.  The two, like so many others, were huddled together, feeding off of each other’s presence. 

As they reached it, they seemingly forgot how to breathe, as Russet slowly grabbed onto the coffin.  It wasn’t too long before she spoke out.

“I wonder what he was thinking about,” she mused. She said her thoughts in such way that led me to believe that it was more to herself than anyone else.

“Probably something stupid, knowing him,” answered Tai.  “I mean, look at the tree house picture.  We were all smiling, ready to for the photo, and then there Sammy, just thinking about possibly making a hat out of an owl.  You know, like you do.”

 Russet let out a bitter laugh, “Yeah,” she agreed, “Probably.”  After a few more moments of silence, Russet finally spoke, her voice calmer, yet still so full of sorrow.

“It’s going to be weird without you.  I’m not exactly sure how everything is going to work now, but we’ll be fine.  It’s going to suck without you.  You know that, right?” She swallowed, and continued speaking, “But we’ll get through it, I promise we will.  And I’ll visit, we all will” she promised.  “All of us, me, Mama, Papa, Timer, Thea, Blue, Val, Essi-, she broke off sobbing.

“We miss so much already, Sammy.”  Tai finished for her, grasping Russet tightly.  “It wasn’t fair that you…,” he trailed off.  Tai swallowed, before starting again.  “Well anyway, we should get going now.  See you soon, aright? I love you Sammy.  We all do.”  He then turned away, guided Russet towards our parents.  She was still sobbing as they left.

I hated seeing my family like this, it hurt so much.  It was all wrong, in so many different ways, and I wanted to fix it, or at least make it better, but I couldn’t.  These thoughts were soon interrupted by Thea’s turn to say farewell.

Out of everyone I had so far seen, Cynthia somehow looked the best, which was surprising considering how close they were.  She was crying of course, but also looked at peace with the situation.

The now eldest of our siblings walked slowly towards the casket and placed her hands down.  A sad smile soon came to her face, as she whispered, “I guess this is it.”

“I expected it to be different, you know?” she continued, “After, you’re wedding and that ridiculous headband you made me wear, I promised you that it was only matter before I-,” she paused before starting again “before I got you back.”  She finished bitterly.  Cynthia stared at the casket for a while, before continuing.

 “I-” she tried again.  She suddenly shut her eyes and laid her head onto the wood “I need to go” she managed to get out.  It looked painful.  “They are others who need to see you now,” she breathed heavily, “Others who need this just much I do, maybe more, okay Sunny?  I love you so much, so much more than you will ever know Sun, but Ester?  She needs this more than I do.  So, see you around Sun.”  Cynthia let go, and took a few steps back, “Don’t get too bored without me, alright?”  She concluded with a smile, while continuing to cry.  She then looked towards Val and me, before taking off.

Come on” said Vale, pushing me forward, “it’s our turn.”

As we walked, I got my first proper look at the casket.  It was the color of dark chocolate, with a golden trim layering the sides.  The casket was littered with white rose petals, with the roses themselves, being laid towards the top.  It was almost beautiful.

Vale was crying, as he leaned over the coffin, I was too for that matter.  Even if I lacked a strong connection, I still felt dejected, even it only be for my other sibling’s sake.

As we stood there, I truly regretted not knowing him.  I feel like I didn’t deserve to be there. Like I was an outsider in my own family.

When I looked back at Vale, he was already standing up, with something different in his eyes.  “Ready?” he asked.  I nodded, as I tore my gaze away from casket to take my brother’s hand.

As we walked, I could hear shuffling behind me, as the next pair got ready.  I knew who it was, so I refused to look.  I did however hear her.  Her sobs rivaled those of my parents, and as we left her muffled cries for Samson grew faint.  I didn’t know her, or her family very well, but I did know that Ester still loved my brother, her whole family did.

Which was more than I could say.