Mpfhh! Bleghhh…

The hacking and gagging goes on throughout the morning, echoing past the wall. 

I drag my phone off my nightstand, turn on the flashlight, and rise out of bed. As I tip-toe down the hall, the noises become louder the closer I get to the bathroom. 

It's too early for this.  

Opening the bathroom door, I flip on the light--or at least try to but the light bill hasn’t been paid.

“The lights are still out, Mom.” I try to make my voice as quiet as possible but I can’t help the attitude that slips in; it's been two months.

She coughs and hovers over the toilet bowl, “Sorry, honey, I’m not feeling well again but don’t worry, I'll make sure to get it paid.” She has her usual victimizing tone and I can’t help but to snap, it's been two months!q

 “You said that last month! Why is it that everytime you say that I have to go out of my way to try and pay everything!?” 

“Charlight…honey-” Her words are repressed by another wave of vomit, and like always, I'm forced to stand behind her and hold her hair. She must enjoy living a life where everything is taken care of, even when her own daughter has to struggle, lucky. 

When she finishes, I rush her on her feet and to bed, “It’s Charlotte, I'm not seven anymore.” 

She gives a quiet, “Sorry,” as she makes herself comfortable. “I promise when I wake up again, I’ll go to work, come back, and make your favorite pasta.” Another lie, I haven’t had homemade pasta since I was 10, I’m 18 now. 

“Don’t bother, you’ll end up embarrassing me if you faint at work like you did last week, and we don’t need another hospital bill.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“You always are, anyways, make sure you call in and tell them you won’t be able to make it. If they fire you, look for a new job online.”

After hearing something of an “Okay” from her mumbling, I turn away and let her get some rest. The flash is glaring at me so it's not hard to find my phone, which ended up on the bathroom floor, cracked. I must’ve dropped it while taking care of her. Great. 

My day (officially) starts with an ice cold shower, because just like the light bill, she’s running behind on the water bill too. Though, I guess I shouldn't say ‘she’ when in reality it's more like: I’m running behind on bills. I just haven’t found the time, Mom’s condition is getting worse which means it's harder to sneak out at night and get us money. And it's especially hard when her condition keeps her up all night and I’m forced to stay home. She’s an inconvenience and sometimes on the nights I am able to sneak away and she’s knocked out, I wonder if…it would be easier to put her out of her misery. But I can’t do it, because despite the hatred I feel for her not being a normal parent--I still love her.

The sun peeks through the window of my room by the time I’m dressed into a cute, brown-plaid pattern dress, with a black long sleeve shirt underneath. My hair is already naturally long so after taming my wet curls and applying as much make-up as possible to hide my bags, all I have to do is put on my boots and faux fur jacket and wait on my ride. 

Bzzt!

There he is. 

I don’t have a car I can proudly show myself in so instead of being a human embarrassment like the rest of the people at my school, why not drive in style? I grab my bags and head out the door. “Took you long enough, I’m starting to think you like making me late.” Russy opens the car door for me, did I mention the car door he’s opening belongs to a BMW? The car is a BMW.

“Well, a certain princess doesn't like it when I just wear plain old jeans and a shirt, so I have to wear something fancy.” That ‘something fancy’ today happens to be the black jeans, white shirt, and brown-plaid flannel I texted him to wear last night if he wanted to match. 

“No, I don’t like it when you wear the same jeans and shirt. Don’t you think a girl as beautiful as me deserves to be seen with beautiful people and things? Like this BMW?”

He rolls his eyes, “Material girl.”

“Rich puppy.”

And just like that we drive off into the sunrise and into our happily ever after. Well, that's what Russy wants, but I’ve told him before that us being together is a bad idea. Not only does it complicate things between us, he…doesn’t know about my mom, or the fact that we’re struggling financially, and I want to keep it that way.

The truth always makes things harder. 

30 minutes later, we arrived at my kingdom, Bellington High. From the moment I walk into the building until the moment I walk out, these are my grounds to rule over. There’s not a single soul in this school who hasn’t at least heard of me. I'm going to be valedictorian after all, and most importantly…

“Hey, Char! Jessie wants to place money on cards.” One of my loyal subjects, Ashley, says--greeting me halfway through the cafeteria.

…I’m the best gambler at this school. 

Russy and I both grumble for different reasons, he doesn’t like me gambling, meanwhile I'm grumbling because I’m willing to bet my fax fur coat she doesn’t have anything more than $50. “Do I have to?”

“No.” Russy answers. 

“C’mon, Russy, Jessie is betting a free $50. It's nice money for the morning.” Ashley says, subtly mocking my nickname, which I don’t take too well.
“It’s nice money if it's someone like you, Ashley. How about you try to take the $50 from Jessie and buy yourself a sewing machine to keep your filthy mouth shut, you desperate pig.” Ashley suddenly becomes a gaping fish in response to my words and no longer has anything else to say, therefore wasting my time. As I walk past her, I make it a point to bump into her and give a silent reminder that the only one allowed to call Russell ‘Russy’ is me. I can feel her eyes burn my back as I walk off with Russy but I choose to take it as a complement.  I would be jealous of someone like me too. 

“Did you have to say all that?” Russy asks, walking by my side. 

“Of course, some people need to be reminded of their place after all.”  Russy sighs and mumbles something about him being my only friend, but I don't care to listen. 

Even though I basically told Ashley $50 is for poor pigs like herself, it doesn’t hurt to entertain Jessie for a little bit. She doesn’t carry much cash but I saw those earrings she posted on instagram and I gotta have it. I’m sure she’s wearing them today, It's all she has to brag about.

Jessie’s in the middle of a card game with some poor soul that doesn’t know how to put on a poker face. They’re playing Rummy in the middle of the cafeteria, not exactly the game I was hoping for but Jessie is mediocre with cards at best so it makes sense. The school constantly advises against any sort of behavior that might ruin its reputation, from spreading awareness to implementing and changing the rules as the years go by. But like every polished and prestigious place in the world, those behaviors, like gambling for instance, are allowed as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. I would never risk damaging the school’s reputation which would later be tied into mine later on in the future, so I pick my battles--or games in this case.  Besides, if I graduate from somewhere like here I can finally make a name for myself and get money without gambling. 

Just thinking about graduation has me excited enough to slam my hand down on the table.
“Game over, Jessie has 4 cards to match with that queen so unless you want to lose your money, beat it.” The fragile red-head nods, grabbing her things and leaving with her head bowed. Naturally, the rest of the table makes room for Russy and me. Jessie tucks her greasy blonde hair behind her ear, showcasing her only valuable asset: her earrings. “Well look who decided to show up, I thought you didn’t play for easy money.” She says with a cat-like grin plastered on her face. “You’re right, I'm only here to give those earrings a better owner.”

Her grin slides into a blank expression, “Sorry, these aren’t on the table.”

“Why not? Don’t think you can win?”

And just like that, I've already cracked through Jessie's dry skin, someone like her can’t refuse a challenge. It's just not in her nature to be smart. 

So we begin, a few taunts thrown back and forth. I’m charming about it of course; spiteful actions tend to yield unpredictable results and I need her to feel safe, secure…arrogant. Then sprinkle in a few hidden tricks. She’s across from me so I can’t pull the usual ‘hide card in sleeve’ trick; I have to improvise. I’ll hide two cards into one and place it down (which is not something a rookie like Jessie could get away with or spot). Of course, I use a few more tricks but I’d rather not think about them, Jessie may be slow but she’s not stupid. If I even have one slip up, if I get too quiet or if my smile is too wide or small, it's over. 

Naturally, after about 7 minutes or so, I win with the power of overwhelming experience. 

“Better luck next time.” I hold out my hand and the gold, ruby-red earrings fall into them, and the look on Jessie’s face is almost worth the earrings. 

“I’ll get those back!” She sputters.

“No you won’t.”
As if to prove my point the bell rings as I put them on, obviously they don’t match with my outfit but who am I to turn down a fair brag? Everyone in the cafeteria scrambles to their class, and I feel the envious eyes of yet another person as I walk away with Russy.  He’s clearly disappointed in my decision to play.  Sorry puppy, not everyone is rich like you.

The classes go by in a flash and next thing I know, Russy is finally driving me back home. The sun bleeds into its orange-red hue by the time he parks in my driveway. 

“Char.”

“Hm?”

Russy sighs, “I try to wrap my head around it everyday I’m with you but I really don’t get it. Why keep me close? You’ve made it clear you don’t like me in that way, so what makes me special?” My head bumps into the headrest, as I close my eyes and take in his words. It's not like his question is shocking or even unexpected, just random. 

I do like you in that way, I wanna say. 

You're the first person to actually take the time to break me down. You don’t overstep when there’s a line, you wait for me to come to you. You’re always waiting, like a puppy, and I can’t help but to love that… to love you. 

I want to scream all that from the top of my lungs so bad that when I force myself to keep my feelings inside, my heart burns. But it's for the best.

“...You’re the one person I don’t deserve.” My cheeks flare as I wait for his response. 

“What do you mean?” And just like that it's suddenly time for me to get out. 

I flash my defense smile. Don’t cross the line. “I wonder what does it mean.”

I open the car door, the autumn wind welcomes me as I step out. “Seriously? You can’t give me an actual answer?”

“Nope, it would complicate things--”

“--Is that so bad?”

I can’t bring myself to smile anymore so it's a good thing I'm not facing him. “...Complications always are, why do you think I never show my hand?”

His silence says more than what he could  ever say in this situation, he’s sad. It's not enough for him to back off though, not yet. My puppy. 

“I will tell you this though, consider it a hint to how I really feel about you.” I close the car door and he rolls down the window in return.
“What is it?” he asks, waiting for my answer.

“You’re the first thing I genuinely wanted in my life.” 

“I wish you’d say that facing me.”

“Don’t worry, one day, I promise I’ll be able to afford to show my hand.” With that I walk off into my cruel reality, poverty. 

Time flies by after our chat outside and the next thing I know, the night hits without any hesitation. Mom didn’t make the pasta like she promised,  of course, so I eat the usual PB&J until I’m full. Now I'm sitting in a kitchen filled with silence. The moon is generous enough to share some light through the window, but it can’t pay my bills. The person supposed to be helping pay bills is Mom, but ever since I’ve sat here I’ve heard her cough, vomit, grumble, and repeat. 

It all relies on me, it always does.

 I don’t hear any more noise. I think it's safe to say she’s taken her medicine and is now asleep.

I feel light-headed getting up but I don’t have time to worry about that.  I need to get money. I walk down the hall to my room, careful not to make too much noise. Like gambling, I can’t make any mistakes in this house either, one wrong move and that’s another month without money, and I don’t want that again.

I freshen up into a short, silky, red dress, with crystal heels to match, touching up my make-up, hair, and even going as far as to keep on the earrings poor Jessie lost.  It doesn’t hurt to become  more gorgeous, even for someone as beautiful as me, especially for where I'm going. Finally, I grab any necessities like my purse, that's stuffed with money, I've hid for tonight and self defense products. It's cold so obviously I have on the same faux fur coat from earlier. Plus it's easier to look more alluring if I look like I have nothing underneath which means more money. 

My feet are throbbing by the time I arrive;

SUNFALL CASINO

Unlike what the name suggests, the sign is big and bright enough for me to feel like the sun is still there, just in the form of blinking bulbs. I skip the miserable looking line and head straight for the bouncer. 

“You VIP?” He asks.

I nod, “Charlyn EverRose?” 

“Yeah right, you don’t even look old enough to play, let alone enter.”

“Just check the list, I’m there.”

“No, the name is on the list, you could've gotten that from anywhere, go home kid.” I feel my gut wrench as the bald bouncer says ‘kid’, but I know I have to be patient with this or I'm really not getting in. My name is on that list, I know it, but for obvious reasons my name is fake. Of course with every fake name comes a fake ID that I brought from a friend on the other side, I should say. 

I pull out my “ID” and hand it to the bouncer, “Do you believe me now?”

He squints and snatches it out of my hands, inspecting every angle. My heart beats as the inspection goes on, I need to call my friend on the other side. I take out my phone and start typing.

Me: Your bouncers’ mean…

PayPal: Not letting you in?

Me: Nope.

PayPal: I’ll fix that.

In seconds another bouncer comes out of the casino doors, “Ricky, you causin’ boss problems?”

Ricky turns to the other bouncer, bemused, “No…? I’m just checking ID which feels--”

The other bouncer whispers to Ricky before he can finish, Ricky lets out a small “Ah…” and unhooks the velvet rope. 

“Enjoy your night.” He says, stepping aside. 

I can hear complaints rise behind me as I enter, but it's not like I can help that I'm a big deal. 

I can’t help that I’m gifted.

The lights inside blind me just as much as the ones  outside, except with varying colors flashing around me. If it wasn’t for the machines and the open money anyone would’ve assumed this was just another club.  It’s not.

Just as I'm about to text my friend, I feel an arm slither around my shoulders, “Charlyn…” I look up to see a woman with a black mask and a sly grin, my friend from the other side.

“Alex, thanks for saving me, it's always shocking how they never recognize me.”

“Well of course, I can’t have our main entertainer staying outside in the cold, speaking of which…” 

Alex hands me a small envelope and I can smell the money from here, “...As usual, thanks for coming out tonight.” She steps behind me and slides my coat off my shoulders, revealing the alluring dress. “And if you don’t mind I'll take this off your hands.” Alex takes the coat off my hands, literally, and walks away. Normally I wouldn’t let anyone touch my coat like that but Alex is my employer, whatever she says goes, and if that’s my coat so be it. That’s nothing compared to what she’s done for me, all because of a talent I just so happen to have. 

Enough reminiscing, get busy.

I head around the casino, playing the smaller games first which mean guaranteed money, but those only earn me a few 100's. I need to play bigger. 

It doesn’t take me long to find the black-jack table, everyone’s eyes are glued to the round as it comes to an end, mine included. The dealer faces her card up to reveal an ace next to the 10-card, with a blank expression all the while. One of the men at the table slams his fist (along with his money) on the table, “This is rigged!” His (what I assume are) friends, do the same minus the temper tantrum and rise from their seat, “C’mon man, you’re drunk and we don’t have any more money to spend.” One of them says, holding onto his shoulder. The man slams his hand on the table again and leaves clearly dissatisfied. 

“Would you like to play, miss…” The dealer asks, staring. Something about her eyes are off, I can’t tell what it is but it's like they have no soul. No soul? Don’t be ridiculous, soul or not you need to play.

I nod and take my seat, she starts shuffling as more people join me at the table. “Aren’t you supposed to wait until everyone is seated?” I ask, watching her hands. 

“Don’t worry, they know this one is mine.”

“What?” Her wording doesn’t make any sense. Are dealers allowed to play with people individually? I’ve never seen this, but then again I can’t say I'm here long enough to be certain. The blank expression on the dealer’s face breaks into a bright smile, “Let’s make a deal!” She says cheerfully, she was so silent in the last round, what changed? 

“Since this is just us playing, I think I want something other than money, that is if you lose.”

“..Which is?” I ask about shifting in my purse for how much I want to spend.

 I only have 1,000. Should I really risk going all in? 

“If you win, you get however much you bet, if I win…” The dealer stops shuffling and faces the deck to me, signaling me to cut. Once I cut, she continues to speak, “...I get to have anything I want from you.”

“Which is?” I ask again.

She abandons the other 26 cards and places 1 card facing up towards me and one for herself. 

I have a 5 and she has an ace…i’m not in the best spot right now but I can win if i’m smart.

“You’ll see, besides you’re perfect.”

Perfect?

“How much do you wanna bet?” She asks.

That question can be interpreted in many ways: How bad do I want a normal life? Do I even want a normal life? 

No, because I’m jealous, greedy, selfish, and so green with envy that I have to do this.

I dig in my purse and pull out all that I have.

I want to look down on gambling like Russy, 

I want my mom to be like other parents, 

I want to afford a decent meal like other kids.

“I want to bet everything.”

“I knew I chose a good one.” She checks to see if the 100’s are real and sets them aside, then she places a card facing down towards me.

“Hit or stand?” She asks. 

“Hit.” She places another card face down towards me and asks again. She asks a total of three times before I decide to stand. I flip mine over: One ace, 5, and 3.  

“How much do you want your ace to value?”

“11.”

That’s 18.

She flips her card over, a queen: a 10. Just like that she’s won. A perfect 21.

Everyone watching claps and she takes back my cards, I feel embarrassed, I guess I should stick to smaller games. As I rise from my seat, I collapse to the ground just as quickly, overcome with dizziness.

“Where are you going? We have a deal.”

What…? 

I can’t bring myself to speak, the lights are too bright, the people too close, yet I can hear her just fine. “I won so now, your soul is mine, and I get to live in that precious body you have.”

My limbs feel like they’re on fire and I know that’s my cue to run, but I can’t feel my body anymore. “Just rest, I promise you won’t feel a thing after this.” My eyes are heavy, I can’t help it, I’m tired. 

“Now, I'll show them all the true meaning of vice.”

My last bit of consciousness slips as the world spins around me and eventually darkens for good.