Playing For You | Teen Ink

Playing For You

February 12, 2024
By akottke9, Lomira, Wisconsin
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akottke9, Lomira, Wisconsin
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Author's note:

This piece is important to me because softball is something I am passionate about and grief is always hard. It can really take a toll on people.

Rain trickled down the window on the passenger side of the car, they pulled out of the school parking lot in the small town of Columbia, Tennessee. As the window was cracked open, Abby could smell the dewy smell of the outside air. The softball field was right in view. Abby and Aubri immediately felt guilt, not wanting to show up to practice later that day, or not wanting to play at all. The two brunette Juniors thought of one person when seeing the field drowning in rainwater, Anna. 

Abby felt like something was wearing her down when she walked into the dugout, and it wasn't just her 10-pound softball bag on her shoulders. The rain had stopped pouring, which meant they were going to go over the basics since the sand was like an ocean. Coach Lily was there with a bright smile, stuffing down the empty feeling of her dear sister's death 5 months previously. Coach Lily and Abby smiled slightly and politely at each other. Lily began the conversation by telling Abby, "I almost canceled this practice, but I thought it was a good idea to bring the whole team together for the first time in months.” 

¨I don´t know if Anna would've wanted a practice today, she always hated rainy days, they were discouraging,” Abby said with automatic guilt, knowing she shouldn't have brought up how depressed Anna would get. Lily still smiled a small amount, wanting not to bring her sister up anymore, she wanted to focus on the new season and the future. 

¨Aubri, Zoey, and Evie are walking in, I think we should go and talk to them about what we are planning for this season, then you all can just go home, and text the other teammates.¨ Coach Lily suggested, almost whispering at the end of the sentence. Abby thinks that this is going to be a very long season. The girls walking through didn't even bring their bags, thinking that practice wasn't even going to go through. Lily speaks up again in a stern tone now, making Abby jump, ¨We need to get our act together please, this is an important season, and we all know what happened last year with Anna, she was our teammate, but also a friend. She was my sister, so I understand grieving, but softball is a choice, and I know all of you want to play because Anna would want you to as well.” Aubri stared into the dirt that soon whistled around to another spot on the field, not wanting to let the words escape her mouth. So, she didn't say what she wanted to say, she wanted to quit. She didn't know how she could play her childhood sport after what had all happened. She couldn't accept it, not now, and not before high school was over. 

Abby felt like something was wearing her down when she walked into the dugout, and it wasn't just her 10-pound softball bag on her shoulders. The rain had stopped pouring, which meant they were going to go over the basics since the sand was like an ocean. Coach Lily was there with a bright smile, hiding deep down the empty feeling of her sister's death 5 months previously. Coach Lily and Abby smiled at each other. Lily began the conversation by telling Abby, "I almost canceled this practice, but I thought it was a good idea to bring the whole team together for the first time in months.” 

¨I don´t know if Anna would've wanted a practice today, she always hated rainy days, they were discouraging,” Abby said with automatic guilt, knowing she shouldn't have brought up how depressed Anna would get. Lily still smiled a small amount, wanting not to bring her sister up anymore, she wanted to focus on the new season and the future. 

¨Aubri, Zoey, and Evie are walking in, I think we should go and talk to them about what we are planning for this season, then you all can just go home, text the other teammates.¨ Coach Lily suggested, almost whispering at the end of the sentence. Abby thinks that this is going to be a very long season. The girls walking through didn't even bring their bags, thinking that practice wasn't even going to go through. Lily speaks up again in a stern tone now, making Abby jump, ¨We need to get our act together please, this is an important season, and we all know what happened last year with Anna, she was our teammate, but also a friend. She was my sister, so I understand grieving, but softball is a choice, and I know all of you want to play because Anna would want you to as well.” Aubri stared into the dirt that soon whistled around to another spot on the field, not wanting to let the words escape her mouth. So, she didn't say what she wanted to say, she wanted to quit. She didn't know how she could play her childhood sport after what had all happened. She couldn't accept it, not now, and not before high school was over.

Over the past couple of weeks, the practice has been dreadful for everyone. Lily was getting frustrated at the team. Aubri, the catcher, didn't want to play anymore, meaning she didn't show the same effort as previously shown. She felt drained out from the sport, and couldn't see herself playing in the future. She wanted to focus on her grades, which meant getting into college, she could escape the small town she lives in right now, which has always been her dream, other than softball. At the first practice three weeks in, Mrs. Smith, the principal came onto the practice determined to get the girls ready. Every single one of the girls didn't feel motivated, not using their full strength, not doing what they were capable of. They didn't feel like a complete team. Positions had to be changed because of their starting shortstop being absent. Mrs. Smith had a plan, she was going to break the ice of no motivation with the whole team by recapping the death. They will play again and they will succeed this season. 

Mrs Smith walked with her heels clicking on the cement before turning the corner to the fields. She whistled a tune to get the girls’ coaches' attention. Lily hears a head-turning sound while she's watching Evie and Aubri do tee-work together. She silently walks over there, almost knowing what this might be about. Lily didn't know that Mrs. Smith was watching their practices in her car, making sure this team was getting on track. Mrs Smith was the old softball coach and took that team to state 4 times and regionals a couple of times. Aubri and Abby were hitting off the pitching machine while the rest of the team was out doing defense skills when Aubri thought now would be the time before the season started to unleash her secret. She decided to tell Abby first, trusting her enough not to tell anyone before she could. “Abby, I have something to tell you, but you can tell anyone else, not until I can do something about it,” Aubri told Abby quietly, and a worried look sprung onto Abby’s face. 

“What is it, Aubri, you can tell me,” Abby told Aubri while trying to be as nice as possible. 

“I want to quit softball, I just don't think I’ll be a good player for this team, and I don't want to do that to the entire team,” Aubri sternly said, watching Abby’s face grow pale, not knowing what to say or do because this could break the team. Abby was thinking about how some girls were getting new positions and needing to work to play at the varsity level, and this team was starting to fall apart. 

“You need to tell the coach, this is something that needs to be done if you're sure about it, are you?” Abby asked, wanting to make sure she was making a smart decision. Abby could tell from these couple weeks that Aubri wasn't trying as hard, an upset expression on her face most of practice and lifting. Now it all made sense to her. Aubri nodded and walked over to Lily and Mrs Smith. Mrs. Smith and Lily were talking about encouraging the team more because Mrs Smith could see that this was their year. It was an amazing group of girls and they were all very involved and athletic. Zoey stopped Aubri before she could get to the adults, Aubri didn’t know that Zoey was behind Aubri and Abby while Aubri admitted to quitting, walking away before either of them could see. 

“Why would you quit on us, we need you!” Zoey exclaimed, but a sense of anger came out as well. Aubri was taken back from this, shocked about how she could know. Thinking about not looking around before saying anything. Zoey has been weird too, she has been the only one on the team along with her best friend Evie working and playing hard, forgetting about the upset and sad feelings throughout the team. Zoey and Abby were the ones who fought the most. After practices they would fight verbally about being a king teammate to everyone, disencouraging them will only make people not want to play more. Zoey would get upset and stomp away to her car, and Abby would just stare at her walking away, not knowing how to fix it. 

“I have to do this for myself, you don't understand,” Aubri whisper-yelled, not wanting to alert Lily, “Go back and practice before you get us all in trouble.” Zoey wanted to say something, but remembering how much Anna hated softball last year, she didn't want to say anything, but she kept the mean look on her face. Aubri continued walking up, feeling as small as a mouse compared to the coaches. She said with a straight face, “I’m sorry to you and the whole team, but I don't think I can play for this team this season. I won't play to my full ability and I just am not strong enough to play with this empty void, I am so sorry.” Lily looked sad, not because of the quitting, she was just disappointed, but she knew what this empty void was. She had the same feeling, her sister was dead. Mrs. Smith overheard this too, and couldn't hold back what she wanted to say. 

“Aubri, you’re going to be involved in this sport, whether you like it or not, you can be the assistant coach, or just there to help. I've known you your whole life, and I know you did love this sport at one point. I understand why you're quitting, and we appreciate you doing it before the games do start,” Mrs Smith said, and Aubri put on a genuine smile. It went way better than she thought it would. She was okay with helping with the team, she just couldn't take the pressure of playing. 

Over the past couple of weeks, the practice has been dreadful for everyone. Lily was getting frustrated at the team. Aubri, the catcher, didn't want to play anymore, meaning she didn't show the same effort as previously had been shown. She felt drained out from the sport, and couldn't see herself playing in the future. She wanted to focus on her grades, which meant getting into college, she could escape the small town she lives in right now, this has always been her dream, other than softball. 

------------------------------------------------

Three weeks in, Mrs. Smith, the principal came onto the practice determined to get the girls ready. Every single one of the girls didn't feel motivated, not using their full strength, and not doing what they were capable of. They didn't feel like a complete team. Positions had to be changed because of their starting shortstop being gone. Mrs. Smith had a plan, she was going to break the ice of no motivation with the whole team by talking about how determined and witty Anna was. They will play again and they will succeed this season. 

Mrs Smith walked with her heels clicking on the cement before turning the corner to the fields. She whistled a tune to get the girls’ coaches' attention. Lily hears the head-turning sound while she's watching Evie and Aubri do tee-work together. She silently walks over there, almost knowing what this might be about. Lily didn't know that Mrs. Smith was periodically watching their practices in her car, making sure this team was getting on track. Mrs Smith was the old softball coach and took that team to state 4 times and regionals a couple of times. Aubri and Abby were hitting off the pitching machine while the rest of the team was out doing defense. Aubri thought now would be the time before the season started to unleash her secret. She decided to tell Abby first, trusting her enough not to tell anyone before she could. “Abby, I have something to tell you, but you can't tell anyone else, not until I can do something about it,” Aubri filled Abby in quietly, and a worried look sprung onto Abby’s face. 

“What is it, Aubri, you can tell me,” Abby told Aubri while trying to be as nice as possible. 

“I want to quit softball, I just don't think I’ll be a good player for this team, and I don't want to do that to the entire team,” Aubri sternly said, watching Abby’s face grow pale, not knowing what to say or do because this could break the team. Abby was thinking about how some girls were getting new positions and needing to work to play at the varsity level, and this team was starting to fall apart. 

“You need to tell the coach, this is something that needs to be done if you're sure about it, are you?” Abby asked, wanting to make sure she was making a smart decision. Abby could tell from these couple weeks that Aubri wasn't trying as hard, an upset expression on her face most of practice and lifting. Now it all made sense to her. Aubri nodded and walked over to Lily and Mrs Smith. Mrs. Smith and Lily were talking about encouraging the team more because Mrs Smith could see that this was their year. It was an amazing group of girls and they were all very involved and athletic. Zoey stopped Aubri before she could get to the adults. Meanwhile, Aubri didn’t know that Zoey was behind the two while Aubri admitted to quitting, walking away before either of them could see. 

“Why would you quit on us? We need you!” Zoey exclaimed, but a sense of anger came out as well. Aubri was taken back from Zoeys words. Aubri was now thinking about how she did not look around before saying anything. Zoey has been weird too, she has been the only one on the team along with her best friend Evie working and playing hard, forgetting about the upset and sad feelings throughout the team. Zoey and Abby were the ones who fought the most. After practices they would fight verbally about being a real teammate to everyone, disencouraging them will only make people not want to play more. Zoey would get upset and stomp away to her car, and Abby would just stare into the blank sky, holding back tears. 

“I have to do this for myself, you don't understand,” Aubri whisper-yelled, not wanting to alert Lily, “Go back and practice before you get us all in trouble.” Zoey wanted to say something, but remembering how much Anna hated softball last year, she didn't want to say anything, but she kept the mean look on her face. Aubri continued walking up, feeling as small as a mouse compared to the coaches. She said with a straight face, “I’m sorry to you and the whole team, but I don't think I can play for this team this season. I won't play to my full ability and I just am not strong enough to play with this empty void. I am so sorry.” Lily looked sad, not because of the quitting, she was just disappointed, but she knew what this empty void was. She had the same feeling, her sister was dead. Mrs. Smith overheard this too, and couldn't hold back what she wanted to say. 

“Aubri, you’re going to be involved in this sport, whether you like it or not, you can be the assistant coach, or just there to help. I've known you your whole life, and I know you did love this sport at one point. I understand why you're quitting, and we appreciate you doing it before the games do start,” Mrs Smith said, and Aubri put on a genuine smile. It went way better than she thought it would. She was okay with helping with the team, she just couldn't take the pressure of playing. 

Mrs. Smith wanted to say one thing to the whole team. “I want to tell you all that I understand your pain. Anna was loved by us all. She couldn't take the stress, and she didn't feel good enough. We know that now, but she would've never told us how she felt when she was still alive. She didn't want that pressure to be on the rest of us, but she felt the need to end her life. And that is a pain that strikes us all, and I know that I feel guilty every day, but we need to play. This pain can't stop us from doing the things we all love. Everyone will always love her, and grief is okay, but if you tried out and signed up for this sport, you are committed. Anna would want you all to play to your best ability,” Mrs. Smith kindly said, wanting to not sound aggressive to these sensitive girls. All the girls thought the same thing, Anna. What would she want? To win? She would always come to games with a good attitude about winning. After they all went home, they  decided to take action the following week for the first game on Tuesday. 

For the next couple weeks, the team practiced harder and harder each day, making Lily ecstatic for the season to start today. The first game was that night, and Abby couldn't be more nervous. She was going to wear Anna’s jersey from the last three years, and wearing a yellow bow, just like the rest of the team, for suicide prevention. The game started and Abby was breathing in the smell of games. She couldn't describe exactly the smell of it, but was what made it such a specific smell. The dirt was still, and the sun was just setting. The day was a clear, sunny day, and it hasn’t rained for weeks. Abby walked slowly to third base, her position ever since she started playing t-ball. The game flew by fast, and the Columbia clutched up the win. The final score was 9-2 and the team couldnt feel happier. Zoey was finally feeling not as internally angry with half the time, she fle tlike this could be the beginning of a new start. The girls exited the field and went home with a broad smile on their face. 

As the month flies by, the softball team has went undefeated. The past couple scores have been great for them, putting them in a high chance of going to sectionals. Abby was the team captain now, Lily favorited her, but didnt make that obvious. She always felt deep down that she was a real friend for her sister. At practice, they've been doing tons of defense, which truly does help them out during their games. They’ve been not letting runs come in for most of the innings. Lily couldn’t be more proud, even seeing Evie as the short stop, not Anna. She got many compliments for being such a strong coach. She was a college softball player until she graduated, so she knew what she was talking about. She felt proud of herself too, because she knows that this team will do great things no matter what they are feeling right now.

“We are going to state!” Lily was the first one to yell. The team was full of sand and tiredness, but they were going to state! Over the past couple weeks, theyve been plahying sectional games, and then regionals, and winning every single game, and they couldnt be more beyond happy. Next week the whole team will be going to state. Abby thinks that they deserve good things like this, and Anna plays a huge role in this team, even if she isnt here playing it. The rivalry between Evie, Zoey and Aubri, Abby is coming to a fast resolution. All the girls were sleeping in the hotel room for championship night, Lily forced them all to go to bed so there prepared for tomorrow morning. 

Bright blue jerseys are seen walking onto the field for the national athem. Townsends high school team lined up on the other side, looking fierce like a tiger. The crowd was loud and filled to the brim. The adrenaline rushed through Zoeys body like a waterfall as the third inning came rushing in.Tthey were in the lead 3-2. Zoey was up to bat, bases loaded, and two outs. She watches the pitch off the 5’4 pitchers hip, down the gut of the plate, and steps and swings. It was a homerun, she just brought in 4 runs for the team, and all she could hear was her thoughts, the crowd being drowned out. By the seventh inning, they were still in the lead of 9-4, and this was the last inning. 

“Woohoo!!” screamed Lily during the huddle before sending her team to the field, knowing this is their last chance to finally get their happy ending. 

“I cant believe this is happening, but we need to get out there before we lose our rush,” exclaimed Aubri. The inning was a quick in and out, being a victory for the girls! Three pop flies were caught by the star centerfielder, Amanda. The team ran to the middle of the field and fell into a hug, not beleiving what just happened. The yellow sun light beamed onto Lily's face. 

“Thank you all for a amazing season, I am beyond proud of all of you. I just want you all to know that you truly showed that working hard even on bad days will always help you towards your goals,” Lily said, and those words stuck with each and every one of those girls, but Abby the most, she thought that her bad days would never end and sunny days would never be seen, but she was wrong, because this will always be one of the happiest days of her life. 



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