I’m afraid that if you see me all the time, you’ll get sick of me. If you talk to me all the time you’ll run out of things to say. If we do the same things all the time, you’ll get bored of us. If I’m too nice to you, you’ll take advantage of me. If I’m too mean to you, you’ll drift away from me. If someone else gets your attention, you’ll ignore me. If you meet somebody new, you’ll leave me. Don’t make me live without you. I know I’m sad. I know I’m suicidal. I know I cut. I know I don’t eat. I know I hate myself. I know I cry myself to sleep. I know I’m boring. I know I’m ugly. I know I’m a waste. I know I’m weird. I know my grades aren’t the best. I know I’m quiet. I know I may talk a lot at times. I know I space out. I know I’m lazy. I know my voice is annoying. I know she is better than me. But what is good about me, is that I have a heart. I won’t leave you, when things get bad, I’ll be here, through thick and thin. Maybe I just want to be yours.

I’m sorry that I can’t concentrate well and that I laugh during intense situations and that I stutter when I talk about my feelings because I’m so used to keeping them bottled up but I swear to god I’m getting better and even though it’s not quite there anymore it still affects me and I still need your affection as much as when I felt I couldn’t carry on no more because even though don’t want to die anymore it feels like I’m oh so sleepy all the time and oh my god it might still be bad but I’m getting better I promise. You’ve got me thinking about how you look at 4am, and how much milk you pour in your coffee, and how my hand fits in yours. You’ve got me thinking about all the places I want to take you, and the things I want to show you, and the look on your face when you see it all. You’ve got me thinking about unstitching your skin, and carving my name in your veins, and exploring your mind. You’ve got me thinking about being wrapped up in you, and the way you taste, and how your lips feel against mine. You’ve got me thinking about all this thinking, and thinking that I’m thinking too much, and thinking lkshdfoufjnsnfif because all I can think about is you. I crave something I’ve never tasted before.

They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don’t think it’s possible for you to miss me as much as I’m missing you right now. Being in a relationship ends in one of two ways; breaking up or death. When you think about it like that, love is really doomed from the beginning yet we continue to nearly kill ourselves anyway just to taste it. Thinking about you is like torturing myself and I can’t find a way to stop it. How am I supposed to sleep when all I can think about it you. I’ve spent hours contemplating the words to say to you bit no combination of twenty six different letters could ever accurately capture even a sliver of what this feeling is. I only want you and no one else. I think this is what love is. I can’t stop thinking about you. I smile when I hear your name and blush when you say mine. I cry when you don’t talk to me and grin from cheek to cheek when you do. My heart races when I read our texts and my breathe becomes lost when you speak. I think this is what love is, scary, amazing, thrilling, heartbreaking, and most of all, loving. Loving me won’t be easy. Some days I will be a stuttering apology and you won’t know how to handle all the things I’ve done wrong.

Don’t call me “pretty”. I don’t want to be called “pretty”. I want to be smart, funny, strong, independent, hopeful, fit, beautiful, amusing, cute, loving, silly, unique, fantastic, down to earth, emotionally intelligent…, a fighter. So if you want to compliment a girl, tell her how amazingly kind she is, or how she puts others before herself. Tell her how healthy she is, and how her smile radiates like the sun. Tell her that her presence lights up your day. Tell her that she has a beautiful heart. But for the love of god, don’t make her feel that all she will ever be; is pretty. I didn’t wanna fall in love, not at all. But at some point you smiled, and, holy s***, I blew it. You have managed to make me feel things, things I’ve never felt before. You left lovely marks on my soul, and fatal thoughts in my head. All things no one else has ever attempted before. I love you. I am in love with you. I love you, I really really do.

I’ve been staring at the ceiling for hours trying to find patterns within the strokes of pain because I can’t sleep. All I can think of is you and why I’m here. Why do I exist. I want to sleep but it hurts to close my eyes and try to clear my head. All I want to do is curl up next to you under the stars and feel your lips against mine. All I can ask of you is to stay. Just stay. I don’t want to have the world’s attention. Yours is enough. I miss you. And I really wish you were here. I don’t wanna leave your side. When you’re next to me I feel complete. It’s like I have all these missing broken pieces to my puzzle, me. When you hug me, you put together all my broken pieces to the puzzle. You’re smile could easily heal my broken soul and your laugh is as soft as a cloud. I fall in love every day I see you, and even more every day I don’t. You’ve slowly but surely become my every day thought that cannot escape my mind. The words I have spoken have not even come close to how I feel. This feeling I feel is indescribable. Unimaginable. Irreplaceable. My heart skips a beat every time I hear your name, and my mind goes crazy every time you say mine. I can’t help but feel as if this is a dream that will never end. Every time you smile at me I can’t help but smile and laugh at how lucky I could be. All my friends say I’m in love and I just smile and giggle because what they don’t understand is, I’m not only in love with a charming boy, I’m in love with a soul that has yet to read what his mind has already wrote. You’ve taken my heart. My heart that has been stabbed, written on, tore apart, and made it hurt less. You have taken my heart and repaired it. My soul still lies here like an open wound. I can only imagine how an unbroken, reckless, suffused heart and soul could feel.

I can only imagine running my fingers through your soft luscious blonde floating hair. Intertwining my clammy pasty hands with your smooth easeful fingers and feeling all your energy running through your body as if you just got a shot of adrenaline. Pressing my parched crackly dinged lips against your delicate ductile soothing lips feels oh so perfect. When I think of love I think of red roses and hearts and movies and happily ever after’s. I never thought being in love would mean I think of this one particular boy who consumes my everyday thought from what he’s wearing to if I should kiss him or not. I think about all the things we could do when we’re older, even if we aren’t together. I think about all the things you’ve done, good and bad, and if I’m ever on your mind like how you’re always on mine. I imagine lying down with you in bed, my head on your chest hearing your heartbeat while you play with my hair and slowly making me fall asleep. I just want to lay there with you, the closest we can be just watching a movie and loving each other’s company. Just laugh and smile and fall in love with each other’s flaws and imperfections as if they aren’t even there. Would it be crazy if I said I could spend the rest of my life with you?

It’s 2:30 in the morning and I’m sitting here thinking. Thinking about all your perfect imperfections. Thinking of how your eyes light up when they meet mine. Thinking of how much I’m in love with you. Every aspect of you; I’m in love. I crave you. Your touch. Your smell. Your presence. All I want is to be tangled up in you. Doing nothing. Saying nothing. Just lying there together. Where nothing else matters. You make me happy and it’s indecipherable. I could stay with you forever, and never realize the time. I definitely didn’t expect loving someone unconditionally would be like this. I could stay with you forever, and never realize the time. I definitely didn’t expect loving someone unconditionally would be like this. No matter how hard I try to think positive or how hard I try to smile there will always be days where I can’t breathe thinking about you and days where I feel like everything is collapsing in on me and days when the only thing I want to do is rip out all my veins and stop the hurting. I’ve dreamed of home for so long and it wasn’t until I was in your arms when I realized every road I wandered on before you was wrong. I think once you’ve thought about how a person sleeps, how they’d feel pressed up against your back, or your head on their chest, how compatible your bodies would be in the same space of a bed— once you’ve thought about that, you’re f*ed. And let me tell you, I am royally f*ed. I meet your hand on my waist; sleep in your blue sweatshirt; call you while crying at 3AM; and kiss your bones. You made flowers grow in my lungs, and although they are beautiful, I can’t f*ing breathe.

Right now, out of everyone on the planet I only wish I could talk to you. Maybe I am too attached, but without you, I am merely a useless piece of dust floating through endless space. You’re a cliff I can’t seem to stop falling from. I love it when the rain smashes hard against my windowsill because for one f*ing time I don’t feel so alone. It falls almost as hard and fast as I fell for you. You make me smile so easily. There’s no doubt in my mind that I am in love with you. Everything about you makes me smile. When you hold my hand, I never want to let go. When you’re sad, I would do anything in my power to make it better. You mean so much to me that it hurts. I would give anything to be with you every second of every day. I don’t think you understand, exactly, how much I want your lips pressed firmly against mine. I didn’t know it was possible to miss someone this much until I rolled over in the middle of the night and tried to wrap myself around you but found nothing but cold sheets and an empty bed. How am I supposed to sleep when all I can think about is you?

You kissed me like no one before. I could feel your warmth of my body and your soft easeful lips on my crackly rugged lips. It was as if time stopped and the only people on earth was you and i. I never wanted to let go. You make me rapturous and delirious. Every time I’m with you, it feels like a dream. How could someone like you, love someone like me/ I don’t understand, but I guess it happened. I can contemptuously say I have fallen for you, hard. I have fallen in love with your quirks and imperfections as if they are nothing but perfect. I have fallen in love with the gentle and softness of your voice and the joyous expression from your laugh. I have fallen in love with the mind of a genius but the head of a six year old. I have fallen in love with you and everything about you. All of you. Your taut yet supple touch on my skin makes me tense. I can’t help but smile and wish I was with you every second I’m not. I miss you after an hour of not seeing you. I miss your laugh and smile and your eyes and just you. It’s incredible how one person can change your mood immeasurably. My mouth hasn’t shut up about you since you kissed the idea that you may kiss it again is stuck in my brain which hasn’t stopped thinking about you since well before we kissed. I drowned the butterflies you gave me with vodka and now my insides are rotting and it hurts like hell but it still beats anything anyone’s ever made me feel. And I keep praying and praying, hoping that one day ill pop into your head, and you’ll sit back and think about me for a while, and say, “God I love her.”’

I want to feel your skin on mine and our hands intertwined. I could lay with you forever but I know you'd get bored. I didn't know you'd mean this much to me when i met you and honestly, if I think about it, it would have been so much easier to have never met you in the first place. Sometimes following your heart means losing your mind. And when you kissed my lips the world came to a stop and I finally felt worthy of love. I felt worthy of life, I had a reason to wake up in the morning and a reason to sleep at night. I had a reason to be careful when crossing roads or walking along the edges of cliffs. I had a reason to feel human and from the beginning it was always you because for the first time I felt the seemingly indestructible emptiness inside of me vanish and I swear it was never coming back. I love you means that I accept you for who you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you're in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you're down, not just when you're fun to be with. I love you means that i know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me. Sometimes when I'm lying in bed at night, i really miss you. Not the ordinary I-miss-you type where I wish you were here with me. But the type of miss that feels like a part of me is missing. As if it's gone and I need it back. That's the type of miss I feel. It's not an I-want-you-with-me; it's an I-need-you-with me.