Faces are the most important part of the human body. It reflects one's personality in many ways. It shows all the emotions that are locked up in your heart, but it can also be a place of lies. Most people don't notice all this stuff every day. The only reason i notice it is because i have dealt with to many lying faces in my life. Too many that i have lost count. I am forced to live life watching everybody, carefully watching and never trusting a soul.

As i walk through life carefully watching my steps, hopping one day this misery will end, i am cursed to walk the earth and be punished by lying toungues lashing me with their whips that they call words. School is a Prision and classrooms are the jail cells. I am shackled to my desk, but a pencil and paper is my key to escaping the horrors that people call wonders.

Home is a safe haven for only but a moment til it turns into an interogation room. Parents ask me questions that i can not answer. Normal chat is a burden for me to continue. My room is my place of peace because i can look at the stars. Stars are the windows to heaven that i yearn to climb into. Heaven has always fasinated me, but it never wants me. I am doomed to never have peace. This is how i view normal life.

Friends have saved me many times, but only for a moment. A slight hug and whispering of words only lasts but a short moment before it disapates forever into the space of time. These actions can be repeated again, but it is not as effective as the first. It loses it's touch as the years go by. Friends are like mystery boxes. You never know what is hidden inside until you get to close to them, then once you have got them to be your friend they turn around and stab you in the back.  The only true friends seem to always go away in due time which leaves you wondering, why do i make friends only to lose them?

Family members are like having people constantly meddling in your business. You are never allowed to be alone once you have expressed your will to exit the world tomorrow. They follow you around like police that are investigating a criminal. You are permenatly bound to be with them forever without even your say about things. Siblings are like your jail mates.  forever tormenting you with teasing and threats. You beg them to let you free, but they laugh and continue.

Why does life hate me?

Why can't I

just,

slip,

away.

I slowly walked down the hallway trying my best to dissipate into the shadows. I made my way through the crowd of the school without one glance towards me.  " Why am I here?" I thought myself as i sat in the corner of the classroom. I was never approached by a soul. Most people think i'm an empty shell. A shadow from a distant past, a past i used to remember before a black cloud closed down on me. People don't know the pain i face everyday. They will never know of the doubts that fill my mind with horrors and anxiety. They will never know me.

My hands shake like a boat in a rough sea. I write carefully so as not to draw attention to what i am writing. Attention only brings sadness and pressure. Silent tears slide down my face as i put the last period on the note. The note that will be the thing people remember me by.

The bell rings. I slip my death note into my pocket. I feel the cold touch of metal as i firmly make sure it has caused no holes. No one can see the evidence, no one. I walk down the side walk. The cold wind bites at my cheeks, but i don't care enough about myself to get a scarf on. It won't matter in a short while, and it will never matter again.

I cross a bridge. I hear the water running below. I stop and watch it. The river washes away everything. How lucky is the river, it is always changing. People never blame it for flooding the homes nearby. People only see beauty in it. It is forever changing, never staying the same for one day. How lucky it is.

I take one last look at the note. Will it be sufficient enough for my family, or will it be a failure , just like me:   "Dear family, I'm sorry for being a horrible daughter. I never lived up to your expectations. I  always knew that you favored Rebecca over me, but i'm not mad at you for that. I would choose her over me any day, but soon you won't have to choose anymore. I will end it for you. I love you and will watch you from heaven as an angel, Love your daughter Kelly."

It was short, but it said enough.  My heart thundered as i lifted the knife from my pocket. I swung my legs over the side of the bridge so i was sitting on the railing. I had my life in my hands. I would not have it any other way. Soon it will be done, but first I must wait for the right moment, the moment where the river flowed at it's hardest. I had to wait for night to come.

Slowly,

Calmly,

I waited.

Hearts are one of the most important things you have. Not only does it supply your blood and other things, but it also tells you when to do stuff and how to do it. The saying follows your heart means to do what your heart tells you, but what if your heart refuses to tell you anything? This is my problem. I use to have a heart but it was torn apart and drowned in a sea of sorrow and sin. It was stomped upon by people who used my weakness to make them feel strong but no more would that be possible for them to do.

My heart is like a pin cushion for the hurt. They stick their troubles in it and leave them there to be never taken out. I have become prickly so as no one will ever want to touch me again. My heart has been my undoing. My heart has only led me to disappear and nowhere else.

I look upon everything and think how I could pawn my burdens upon them, but that would not be fair. My sorrows would crush a normal human's, heart. I'm not normal. I am a freak that everyone avoids. I have an infectious mental disease that no one wants to deal with, so they leave me. They leave me to suffer and they leave me in pain, but no more will I feel like a prisoner locked in a cell. No more.

No,

more,

Will,

i,

Suffer.

As I sat on the edge of the bridge I had second thoughts, but only for a slight moment. Nothing could change what I was going to do. Nothing.  The sun was setting casting a reddish orange picture of the butterfly into the sky. How ironic my blood was the same color. I felt the blade as I gently lifted it to get a better look. The silver glinted in the ending sunlight as if to warn me that the time was near. It was a surreal feeling, knowing that I would soon be pain-free. I would be home in the stars.

I looked up. I could see the big dipper and Orion the hunter. I had memorized the stars and their patterns. They were the only thing that brought me comfort. The river drowned out the cars in the background so all I could hear was my breath, my shaky breath. I sighed. Just a few more moments and it will be over. So soon, but yet so far.

I lifted the blade and slowly pressed into my chest. I wanted to do it slowly so I could feel myself slip away. My life flashed before my eyes as I pushed even harder. I could feel the twinge of pain as it slowly dug into my skin. It river's serene sound ever reminding me that I was almost there. I could feel a trickle of blood. Not much further now than I would be a star in the sky, a light people would look at and not say one judging word.

I pushed the final time and the pain set in. I muffled a scream as to not alert anyone. I must have done something wrong. A hand picked me up off the bridge and pulled away from the knife. I laid there to weak to do anything about this stranger trying to keep me from my ending. I could see panic in his green eyes as he called 911.

Then,

All,

Went,

Black.

I slowly awoke from one of the best dreams of my life. I was in the sky, and i could move the stars around. I was in a dress made of the finest clouds, and i glided on air as though i was in a never ending waltz, But sadly it vanished as the noises from the heart monitor woke me up.

People buzzed around the room like bees in a hive under attack. Nurses moved equipment, as the doctors typed in measurements and data into the computers. Everyone was in a busy mood so i just tried to melt back into the shadows. That's kind of hard to do though when your the patient.

I looked around some more and noticed a guy with a blue button up shirt sleeping in a chair over by the door. I had never seen him before in my life, and frankly, i didn't want to meet him. As the doctor approached me i slunk further into my bed. " Hello, my name is Dr. Holmes. I am the one that is in charge of securing your safety. Can i ask you a few questions?" My mind told me to keep quiet. The less they knew about me the better. " I'm..... I'm quite tired, I don't really feel like talking." I whispered. I willed him to go away, but he must have really needed to know some answers so he stayed. " I know your name is Kelly, so lets start off with the simple questions Kelly. Who is your mother and father?"  I sighed i would never be able to get out of this mess ever so i cooperated. " My parent's names are Harmon and Elisa Foul. "  " Good we will let them know where you are. Now, how old are you?" " 18," I whispered. Tears started appearing in the corners of my eyes. I hated answering questions about my horrible life. " Now last question, why did you try to kill yourself Kelly?" That was enough questions.

When the doctor left the room i finally took a gasp of air. This was not how i expected this was all going to turn out. I thought that i would die and life would continue on, but that man had to go and..... Wait. I looked at the man sleeping in the chair. Could that be him? And if it was him, why would he be watching over me here? I cleared my throat, and the man lifted his head and opened his eyes.

I knew as soon as i glimpsed those green eyes that it was him. " Who are you?" I asked. I couldn't keep the hatred out of my voice. This was, after all the man who destroyed my plans. " My name is Jason. You gave me a pretty good scare back on the bridge. Are you ok?"  " I'm fine, to my dismay. You knew i was trying to kill myself, why did you stop me?" Jason smiled a crooked smile and looked me straight in the eye, " Just because you wanted to do that doesn't mean it was the right thing to do cupcake." His voice penetrated my heart. Butterflies entered my stomache and,

I

couldn't,

Help,

Myself. I just,

Fell,

In,

Love,

With,

Him.

I went home crying. I cried for 3 days straight. I was never left alone. People judged me and pitied me. I hate Pity. My parents worry about me. They whisper about me even when i'm in the same room. They put me in rehab, they say it's for the best, but really it just increases my anxiety.

We sit in a circle. People tell about their problems. I stay silent. They urge me to talk. I dig deeper into my cave of dispair. I try to avoid the needles that go into my heart, but it's impossible. They come at me to fast. I am helpless. I fall into what they call the anger stage. I rip up the chairs and throw them. Then i back away. People fear me, and i fear them.

Another month and my parents have found a new group. They say to give it a try. I refuse to move from my bed. I gaze at the stars all night, not ever once thinking of sleep. Morning comes and ruins the beauty and peace that surrounds me at night. I yearn fade away like the stars, but it is never to be.

Another day a new group, new problems, new people, new fear. Fear never goes away. It buries into my skin like a tic, and it spreads it's disease as it goes deeper, causing my limbs to go numb. Fear is my sickness, and fear can't be cured.

Months turn into years. Jason shows up from time to time filling me with feelings of delight. This is something i have never experienced before. He picks me up from my bed and forces me to eat. I do as he asks. I can't fight him. Jason helps me in everyday tasks. I allow him. I can't fight him. He takes me to rehab and sits by me. I squeeze his hand when it's my turn. I allow him to make me speak. He has a power to make me do anything.

After rehab he brings me sunflowers, my favorite flower because the sun is the biggest star. He asked me out after rehab,

And,

I,

Said,

Yes.

School has always been hard for me. I was easily able to melt into the shadows, but not anymore. Glances shoot from everywhere. I am surrounded by a firing squad endlessly trying to take me down. Jason follows me everywhere. Holding my hand and allowing nothing to get in the way. He is graduated, but comes to school to council me. He say's he loves me enough to do it.

We go to different classrooms, more stars come from the teachers than the students. I can tell they have questions, but they hold their tongue, to afraid they will get an ear full of sadness. Jason squeezes my hand, i squeeze it back. It is our secret code to make sure we are all ok. I lied most of the time though about it.

The bell rings for school to end. We wait til everyone is gone. I touch my scars wishing that they where open wounds. Jason knows what i think. He kisses me, soothing my every fear. WE get into his car. He doesn't say one word as he drives me home. He stays with me until i drift into peaceful sleep. When morning comes we repeat each day,

Just,

As,

Usual.

I ached. My torso felt like it was going to burst into flames at any given moment. Jason massaged my belly as i sat on my bed. My parents had called the doctor. They said to bring me in, but i refused. I just wanted to be left alone, but with Jason always by my side. It had been 2 years since me and Jason had met in a twist of fate. He saved my life when i wanted to die.

He picked me up gingerly and carried me to the car. He set me down in the front seat and closed the door. He hopped into the driver's seat and clasped my hand. I held onto it tightly. We drove at high speeds. The hospital was an hour away. I wish it was further. All i wanted right now was to gaze into Jason's eyes. Forever gazing into his soul.

We arrive he carries me in. The doctor tries to take me, but i claw into Jason. I won't ever leave his side. They bring me into a room full of tools. They look at my scars from the years before. They are red, they are purple, they look rotted. They prep for surgery. I wait in silence. Jason leans and gives me another one of his kisses, the ones that melt reality away. I am wheeled into a room of bright lights. They put a mask on my, but i push it away. I will only go to sleep with Jason by my side.

They usher Jason in and he stands by my side, always standing, never sitting. I drift into sleep, and for the first time hoping,

I,

Would,

Never,

Die.

It took a long time to heal, 2 months to be exact, but Jason stayed by my side. For the first time ever i looked at the blue sky and felt happy. I was Healing not only my wounds, but my soul. Jason squeezed my hand, and i squeezed it back. I lifted some sunflowers off of the desk and took a big sniff. The tangy smell tickled my nose each time i breathed deeper. Jason picked one up and placed it in my hair. I laughed for the first time in 5 years. It felt good.

Jason hugged me and sat on the bed with me. He brushed my hair out of my face. He was always making me feel like a queen. We sat there, two hands merged into one for as log as time would have it. For as long as i wanted it to be.

I was released from the hospital and was able to go to school the next day. I didn't feel nervous. As me and Jason walked down the hall i noticed that instead of glares and pity, people looked curious and happy. People waved at me as i went to my locker and asked where i had been. It felt good to be noticed. " The world has changed," I told Jason as we sat down for math. " No, this is how it usually is, your the one that has changed your perspective on the world." I thought for a moment and realized he was right. People had always been nice to me i just lost it in a veil i chose to wear every day of my life. That changed,

Right,

Then.

Jason messed around with the hat trying to get it just perfect on my head. My parents sat on the bleachers rejoicing that i was able to make it this far in life. The music played and I started marching down the isle, Jason by my side, always by me. We sat down in our assigned spot and waited for everyone else to be seated.

The principal started his long speech on how proud he was of our grade. He drowned on about how we will grow up and have success in our life. I already felt like i had won in life, i had Jason. After 2 more speeches we went up to get our diplomas. One by one we marched up and posed for pictures. I walked up the stairs and grabbed my diploma. How proud i felt. I turned around waiting for a flash, but instead found Jason on one knee.

" Kelly, you are one extra ordinary girl. I saved your life not knowing that i would become the most important person in my life," Tears started running down my face. I couldn't believe what i was hearing. " Kelly, will you do me the honors of being my wife forever and always?" The crowd went silent. I couldn't get the words out of my mouth i knelt down and hugged him and whispered, " For all eternity i will be yours." The crowd burst into cheers as Jason slipped the gold ring on my finger. Together we walked down the stairs, hand in hand,

Forever,

And,

Always.

Planning for a wedding is always tough. You have to order the cake and the flowers. The theme took a while to make, but we decided to go with a twilight sky. Dress shopping was a pain. The budget was unlimited, but it took forever to find the one. Jason was always there squeezing my hand and i would squeeze it back.

The night before the wedding i snapped. I had a panic attack the size of the milky way. I felt like the walls where closing in, and i was sufficating in my fears. I ran outside to get away from it all and look at the stars. Jason followed, never leaving my side. " It's ok, i'm here," He would whisper as he gently kiss my forehead. We laid out on the lawn and i told him about the constilations. He listened patently and all the while staring into my eyes with that crooked smile splaid across his face. " I love you," He whispered as i gently slept in his arms.

The morning of the wedding was a beautiful sunny day. I looked out the window the whole time i got my hair done. " You look stunning." My mom said with tears in her eyes, " I'm so proud of you,"  Jason Ordered a limo for me to be picked up in. This was the only time he wasn't by me. I was anxious, but i knew i would see him soon.

When we arrived at the church we were greeted by children rolling down the hill. Parents gasped when they saw me and grinned from ear to ear. We slowly made our way up the steps and entered the church. Then i heard a scream.

" Call 911! Quick!" My sister yelled as she ran up to my mom. " What happened?" I questioned preparing for the worst. " It's Jason," She said. " He was picking sunflowers for you and past out. The pastor says that it is from the tumor in his head." The world spun. I felt sick. " He doesn't have a tumor." I said. Rebecca winced, " He didn't want to worry you about it until after the wedding."  I felt that feeling of hopelessness creep up to me,

I hit the floor,

And,

Cried.

Every girl dreams of getting married to the love of their life. Everyone thinks that weddings usually go off without a hitch. Mine had to be different. Mine had to be the one to make the front page.

I sat in the hospital room. My wedding gown was heavy and pulled me down. My eyes were as puffy as marshmallows, but I couldn't help it. I loved him. He laid in bed sleeping. despite the bandage around his head, he still looked handsome. I listened t his steady breathing and watched his chest rise and fall, rise and fall. One of his eyes opened slightly and he flashed me a smile. I ran to him and grasped his hand. " Jason, why didn't you tell me?" I demanded an explanation, but before I could go on he placed a finger to my lips.

He reached up to a sunflower on the desk and placed it in my hair. " I Jason Kinder, Samson take Kelly Jase, Foul to be my wedded wife, through sickness and through health for all eternity, I do." He places a hand on my forehead. " I, Kelly Jase, Foul take Jason Kinder, congragatedSamson to be my husband, through sickness and through health for all eternity." Slowly Jason reached into his blanket and pulled out two wedding bands. I noticed the congregated outside the room, watching our makeshift ceremony. We slipped the rings on each other's fingers and kissed. It was the best kiss we had ever shared.

WE grabbed each other's hands and I gave him a squeeze. He tightly squeezed back. The heart monitor stopped. A siren went off. Doctors rushed in with a defibulater and tried to revive him, but I knew he was gone. I rubbed my hand as tears streamed down my face.

I looked up at the stars. The familiarness of them gave me hope. I traced out the constellations with my finger, then I noticed it. A star right next to the big dipper that had never been there before tonight. I felt Jason's hand slip into mine and I knew that he was watching me from the sky.

Forever,

By,

My,

Side.

I have always wanted to write and finish a book, and this book is the one that I have finished! I have gone through a lot of emotions writing this book. I felt sad, depressed, happy and scared, but I did it all for my readers. I would like to thank my sister Emily for always reading and giving me feedback on my book. Without you, i would have given up on this like I have with so many other books. This is not the only book I am going to write, in fact, this is only the beginning!  I will for sure write more books and hopefully, they will be as good (or even better) than this one. Thank you for reading :)