Dear Rj,

Not a moment goes by that im not thinking about you. Youre always on my mind and you are always making me smile. The last couple days have been hard. I havent really been able to talk to you and my mom keeps going through my phone to make sure nothing is happening that she doesn't approve of. But im not letting that stop me from telling you that i love you and that i miss you and that you mena the world to me. I am willing to sacrifice everything for you. Im willing to risk ruining relationships with people for you. I am willing to do whatever it takes to stay with you. Im willing to do anything for you. And i know that you are willing to risk everything for me and i know that you are willing to do anything for me. And i know that you are willing to do whatever it takes to stay with me. People just don't understand how hard it is to have parents that don't let you do anything and who don't even let you have your own phone. They don't know how hard it is to have parents that don't want you to be in a relationship with anybody until youre 18. People don't understand how hard that is. People don't understand how i feel about my mother going through my phone and involving outside people to tell me that im not allowed to care that deeply about someone that im willing to get into a lot of trouble to be with them. You mean the absolute world to me and i love you more than you know.

Dear Rj,

I've risked a lot for you. And I'm about to risk even more. I don't know why I made a second discord just so I could talk to you but I did. And now I just have to hope that my mom doesn't find that one. But we all know that she is going to try. I just know it. And if she does, so be it. I don't care. We will find another way to talk to each other. No matter what it takes, I'm never leaving you. Ever. I love you too much to do that to you. And I'm never going to let you go. Because I want this to work. Correction, I need this to work. At this point in time, you are the only thing keeping me sane and to lose that would be to lose everything that I've worked for and everything I want in life. I need you in my life just as much as you need me. And I can't lose you. I love you too much to ever hurt you or do anything to ruin the relationship I have with you. You don't understand what you mean to me and I just love you beyond words. I know I just unpacked basically everything on you but I needed you to know this and I just want you to know that all of this is true and I'm never going to let go of you. It would not only be too hard on me but I know that it would just kill you if that ever happened. I will do whatever it takes to keep you. If that means having to lie about it then that is what it means. I will do everything and anything for you. And I will do anything and everything to stay with you. You aren't going anywhere any time soon. I love you rj. I love you beyond words. And I love you so much that I haven't stopped writing this. Every single time I think about you, I add to this. I'm just never going to stop writing this. And I know that every time I add to it, you are going to read it and never forget a word it says. And I promise you that I will never stop writing. Every time I think about you, I will add to this. And even while you are reading it, I will add to it. I love you a lot. And nothing is ever going to get in the way of that.

Dear Rj,

I understand that life isn't just fairytales and that some obsolete force somewhere might tear us apart. I get that. And I know you get that cause you were the one who told me that. But if life were just a fairytale, it would end happily ever after. But that's just not reality. Not everything ends happily ever after. Nothing does for that matter. But I am going to try to make everything work and make the most of the time that the universe wants us together. Even if it means not being able to see you often or not being able to talk to you, I still want to be there for you and I still want to be able to talk to you when I can. I love you so much and i wish that life was a giant fairytale so that way we could live our happily ever after. But we both have firsthand experience of life being hard and reality biting us in the ass. Nothing is forever but as long as I have you, I'll be happy.

Dear Rj,

My dad found out. He wasn't as angry as i thought he would be but he's disappointed which is worse. I knew that someday, there would be something preventing us from talking. I just never thought that today would be that day. I just wish that I can gain trust back quickly so I can talk to you again. They both said that they wanted to keep me safe and that they wanted to protect me. And that guys will move from girl to girl all the time. And that if the guy that i want to be with doesn't respect that they aren't happy with the fact that I broke their rules, then that guy isn't the guy that i should be with or devote all my time for. And for the first time in forever, I might believe them. I'm not saying that I don't love you. I'm just saying that we may have jumped into it too fast and we need to take some time later on to get to know each other. I just don't want you to be mad when i say this but i think that we just need to take it slow and back up and get to know each other better and evaluate how we feel about each other. I just really don't want to hurt you and I don't want to come to a harsh realization that you may not be the one I'm looking for. Because then it would hurt me because reality hurts and it's not fun when it bites you. I'm just going to tell you this right now, if i don't say “i love you” all the time, if ever for a while, it's not because i want to hurt you, it's because i just want to slow down and take it a step back. I still really like you and I still have feelings for you. I just think that it would be better for me to stop and not say “I love you.” because I'm not sure if I truly mean it yet.