I have a few tips for you.  First off, the use of "thou" and a mix of modern phrases (example: "Thou what," her mother said shocked.) makes the text come in through my mind as a little awkward.  I suggest just skip the "thou" and just use "you."  I haven't read many historical fiction stories set in that time period where they used "thou."

Second of all, there were a one or two errors in spelling and such.  "The clothes SEEM to fade out..."  and "dieing" is spelled "dying."

Finally, don't let my criticism stop you from being a writer.  Just writing to write makes good practice.  As the saying goes, "Practice makes perfect."  Maybe look at my stuff, too?  Write on!

-Dino