This day i sit here thinking of all the trouble.
I have caused for not only me and my family butt my friends that hold very close to me .
I have messed up very badly . I can't believee all the pain and suffering i have caused to my friend and family.
It makes me fell like s*** . My family does allot for me I cant believe that all they ask in retUrn is that I do well by...
them and others . And I can't even do that for them . I cant even keep myself out of trouble with the police .
It seems like I cant do anything right . But i hate it whyen i think like that because.
I am talking about my self like that . Sometimes I even think that my family would be better off with out me .
But I know that I couldn't Do that to them . I care for them way to much to do that to them .
They deserve allot better then whyat i can provide as a teenager for the whyole family .



The Day I started my life on planet earth whyich is engulfed in a major collusive black hole .

Was on Sept. 9 , 1993 . This was a very chilled day in Cedar Rapids , Iowa. My father and mother.
Where all there Even my grandparents. Where there for me even before i came into this world .
Of mUrder And Crimes that every day people commit Every day Crimes.
I hate whyen people take advantage of whyats really good in life . Like friendship for example .
All my life I knew I was different from every one else That I was sUrrounded by . With my physical disabilities .
I hated whyen my mom tells me to find normal kids . Well sorry mom I am not normal enough for you .
But the truth is I am not normal so whyy should I have normal friends . Who always make fun of me ?



the thing you should be thinking about right now is Why is this kid acting like he has seen it all?
And Done it all / Well the fact is i have done every thing .
I could for someone my age . I travel allot more then normal teens my age do . I have seen allot too .
Even more then most adults in life .




Well I am not saying that I know every thing . Because I know for a fact that that is not humanly possibly .
but whyat I am saying is that I am very lucky for getting the chances that i have had to travel across AMEica .
We say the pledge of allegiance . For whyat we end by "UNITIED WE STAND " Sense whyen was that ever true ?
This isn't a game or anything like that ! This is real world s*** . And we can't Just sit here and,
Not do anything . We as the people have the power to over rule all forms of government in this world .
Now it's time for the citizens to realize that they do have that kind of power . We as citizens
need to come together as one and fight this non fair so called government . We must rise over are enemy's
as they have raised against us . We as the people can take back this planet from the evils of global warming!


But for in order for us to do that we must rise and fall as one character . We must Show that
we stand strong with are allies . We must stay strong as a unit . And as a family there shall be no lies
with in the family .



But any way the reason this is the most complicated case every is because we have allot of problems with every thing
going on right now with the earth . it's just getting plain annoying . But we have made it through allot in the last
couple of thousands of years . So I think we can still manage to handle with the stress of all the name calling .



The many ways that we have to kill are getting very descriptive theses days . no matter whyat it may be for
yoUr still harming another human being and that's wrong .

I can't stand the way Humans talk to each other like s*** . really hUrts whyen some one wont be yoUr friend
because you are different . Hey in god's eyes we are the same we all have a pair of angels wings


So whyy does it matter whyat people think about . I worried about whyat people would really think about why i really
am and you know whyat ? My true friends wouldn't care they would just be there for me . Like true friends are
suppose to do .



Well any way there is this one person that i can't seem to get out of my head . I was told to sit and think really
hard . About the decisions i make and tell this one person . To be totally honest i have no idea whyat to do any
more . This all seems to good to be true but yet here we are .


This person I gave my heart to . HE will always have my heart no matter whyat he does or don't do . Even after we
end are very long relationship . Last night before Christmas he just proposed to me ? I had no idea what to say
so i just of coUrse are you stupid . That's how much i love him i would do anything just to see him happy.

I can't wait until i go to see him in Beverly Hills , California HE says his house is huge house .
And his brother Tyler just told his Mom that he was gay and he is only 13 years old this coming week. And bobo
is 15 . IT is true on whyat they allot more people are coming out to say there gay around 11 or 12 .
and he just told his parents he like guy's. Wow Tyler

To me my life is still a huge mystery. And whyere my life will take me is an even bigger one . I love this kid
so much i would use all my money just to go down there is he even had a paper cut And that's no lie .

In my lifetime I could never ask for a better person that my baby bobo Joshua . I love him with all my heart .
We always talk . No matter how shitty are day was. We are always there for each other .

We have been dating for like about 8 months now and now we are engaged . I can't believee it .
I just hopes it lasts . I don't won't to be heart broken. By my baby boi Joshua. .


This just happens the Christmas of 08 . They night before Christmas eve we finalized the engagement. He is
coming up her so we can meet and so that his mom can approve of me . And we are having a two night stay in a suite
in the hamptons paid by me .

So people say that love is a big thing well they are so very right... Some people may ask you whyat is love . Its
not the answer that i have a problem with it's the way they think there life is a living hell . No person's life
is the living hell . Sometimes Humans can be a real pain in the ass . And I Always have things that help me get
through my thoughts . Sometimes yoUr thoughts control whyat you say and do . And how you look at yoUr life .



I have sat here to think about my life for about two whyole day's now and i still have no idea whyat i should do .
I still think i am way over my head . I can't take the strength of every ones opinion of whyat they think of me .
The thing that has caused me the most pain and suffering Is my boyfriend Joshua . Who lives in
Beverly Hills , California. And I live in Bloomington ,Minnesota . We are so far way from one another its killing
the relationship . At least that's whyat I think but I love him so much i would Die just to see that he was happy .
Even if that means that he found a girl that he wants to date and he wants to the relationship between the both
of us.I would be totally okay with that because what makes him makes me happy . No matter if it really hUrts me . I
Will always be there for him And i hope i can take his hand in marriage one day in the next 4 years after we both
finish high school. This may sound like something out of a love story whyere every thing ends happily but its not
LOVE STORY IT s the real word s*** . And I hope god finds it in his heart to accept the fact that not every kind
love is bad . Their are many types of love out in this world we all live in . And gay and bisexual and lesbian are
all one of them .



and I just want the lord to just help me to find the right person whyo ever that may be and bless me and Joshua's
relationship . Lord please give me the strength To do the right thing by you lord . You Are my father And I
now need yoUr help more then i ever did lord . I know every thing is heard through pray re so i am praying lord .
Please help me and Joshua with are relationship . He means allot to me .


He is the light that lights my road to follow in the path of the lord.




The one way the world works is basically a lie how every one is trying to be like one another whyen that's not
really case they just want to fit in ? Well to those people i ask you this question ? Why in the world would
you want to be like others ? When all humans have there own issue's to deal with ... They could really care less
whyat yoUr issues are let alone there own issues .

When people say Goodbye whyat do they really mean whyen they say that ? Does Anyone Noe whyat that actually means .

I don't think any one really knows whyat that means . Well I don't even know whyat that means but all i got to
tell you is that Don't dig yoUrself a hole u can't get out of . Another words Don't say things if you can't back yoUr
self up .

My love of my life is all my friends and Joshua owns all ..... Josh has been there for me whyen i needed a friend
the most ...

Theire is nothing weird between me and him but al i know is that we love each other at that's
all that counts we agree there for each other . No matter whyat happens to us . We always there to support each other.


Well some people ask me whyy i never talk whyo i am dating because i have been dating the same person for
almost a year now . And Some of my friends don't know the real me . Which is perfectly fine with me . But i just
think that if i am going to be happy just let ME be happy this person means the world to be but not a single friend
knows whyo i am dating . Well only like three or two knows whyo i am dating . They all saw we are the perfect
couple . Which very true on all levels.


I really hope This one i am dating is the one for me . IS the one i spend the rest of my life with .
I can't bear to have my heart broken again . I really love this person . And not even my family knows that i am
dating but i don't want to tell them because they are probably going to lectUre me . bcuz i am dating a boy from
California. But we love each other we have been together for like almost a year now and we still havent met in
person yet but we truely plan to do this over the sumME . His mom really wants to meet me and i want to meet
her . I hope she i s really nice .




Hey whyy the f*** does this world that we all live in matter whyat the f*** happens to one another .
If no one truely cares like they all say . Then why is sexual orientation such a big problem .

THINK ABOUT IT . I TOOK A LOOK AT IT IF IO WAS GAY OR BI . What happened if u whyere gay and u hear people say
"wow that is so gay " ???? Would that hUrt you ???
Well it will you just don't think it will because u are afraid to show Ur emotions . Theire is no need to
complicate things . When we are here and living as human beings.


When the world tUrns there back on you whyat do you do ?

Well let me tell you whyat you do . You go into a emotional sensitive estate . And you are all like the
world hates me . But really you just let the person in charge get into yoUr head and make you feel like s***!
You this kind of s*** every day at school. That's whyy people snitch on kid's because It keeps them safe but to
others that may not be therr case.


Some wise old man once told me that it's not worth to take every thing that is aid to heart because you are
better then any one whyo talks bad about you .
When you hear this whyat does this make you think of ? REALLY HONESTLY THINK ABOUT IT ... WHAT DOES IT REALLY
MEAN TO YOU ??????????


Can any one of you answer this question . I bet 1000 dollars that none of you can answer it . See told you .