I stormed down the street in a furious hurry, still heated from what happened in the kitchen. I clenched my fists while I past street after street. It seemed like I could never do anything right anymore. No, forget I even said that; it seemed like nothing ever turned out right for me anymore. When I had gained a tiny sense of happiness, someone always went, “Oh! Eliana’s happy, we better get her!”

About half way down the street from Milton Community College, I stopped in my tracks. I didn’t know why, but I felt like I was missing something; I felt naked. Soon enough I realized that I had left my backpack and my books back at the house. “Shit”, I grumbled to myself. Like I said before, nothing ever went right for me anymore.

On my way to my first lecture, I managed to trip over my own foot, drop my jacket on the floor, and accidentally run into a random person who wasn’t paying attention to where she was walking. All I ever did was grunt and keep trudging toward my class like a trainwreck. After entering the classroom and taking a seat at a desk close to the window, I rolled my eyes and grunted. I didn’t have any intentions of paying attention, so I just ended up staring out the window when the lecture started.

“Alright class, hurry up and be seated. We have to continue with our lecture from yesterday”, my professor, Mr. Wald explains. Other than me, the whole class grunted in unison. While he continued his rant on the views of Aristotle and Sophocles, my mind drifted back to the altercation I had this morning with my mother. Looking back on it, I have no idea how she could sense how I was feeling about the whole death situation. If she could clearly see how I was carrying myself, could others too?

At the same time, I find it impossible to erase my emotions, memories, and sustained feelings. No matter how hard I tried to ban Charlie from my conscious, he would always still be here. Every time I felt I had moved past the whole concept of Charlie even existing, the nightmares would start up again on a random night. I would jerk and sit up in bed in a sweaty frenzy, clasping my chest and breathing frantically. And once again, my feelings for him came rushing back in an instant, yearning for his touch, his embrace.

I was so spaced out thinking about Charlie that I didn’t even hear Mr. Wald call my name. “Mrs. Josling…Mrs. Josling…ELIANA!” His voice shook and rattled my bones. “What?” I shot back at him, startled. He adjusted his thick-rimmed glasses on his round, pudgy face and loudly grumbled. “I highly suggest that you come down from la-la-land and pay attention to this review, or the exam tomorrow is going to devour you.” Every person in the room shifted around in their seats and glared at me. “I’m sorry Mr. Wald”, I mumbled, rolling my eyes in the process. Giggles circulated; however, I wasn’t buying what was so hilarious.

As soon as class was over, I fled through the door like a hurricane before anyone had the chance to leave. I didn’t like being put on the spot, and I didn’t like confrontation. Since it was a Monday, I only had one lecture today. It was convenient for me because I wanted to get away for a few hours and be alone; take a breather from my circumstances. The minute I bust through those double-doors leading into the parking lot, I felt the atmosphere around me grow tolerable.
Starting down the boulevard, I made my way to my all time favorite spot—a quiet, deserted field of grass located by a simple, miniscule park called Jackson Park just a few blocks away from Milton Community College. Its serenity and lack of population had drawn me to it in the past because it was the only place I could fully unwind. Just as expected, there weren’t traces of children or family on the playground or the field. Smiling, I plopped myself down on the cool grass.

Soaking in the sun’s warmth, I closed my eyes and rested my arms behind my head. The late summer breeze gently blew, and my shirt swayed, tickling my tummy. I sucked in a breath, and then an exaggerated exhale. The more I lie there on that field, the more relaxed and at peace I became. If only life was this peaceful. Sadly…it wasn’t. The humid summer warmth, crisp breeze, and comforting grass put me in a trance, making me drift into a silent slumber. Soon enough, I dozed off right there under the alluring vibrant sun…

After what it seemed like forever of lying on the grass, I suddenly felt a hand lightly trace a path around my lips. At first I thought it was the breeze brushing against my cheeks, but the more I moved my head, the more the movement became gradual. I felt a presence hovering over me, but I was drifting in and out of sleep to be fully aware. Another minute passed, and I felt two soft lips brush across my forehead. I slowly pried my eyes open.

When I opened my eyes and adjusted my vision, I looked up to find two blood-shot and glazed over hazel eyes staring down at me. I blinked a few times and stared back into the face which was now showing that million dollar smile I was well familiar with. I remained silent as I dumbly watched as the face got closer and closer to mine, and then lightly kiss me on the nose. Was I dreaming this, or hallucinating? The person that keeps re-appearing in my most vulnerable moments was hovering over me, watching me watch him. No, this had got to be a dream.

Remaining still, I continued to watch him. He brushed a lose strand of my hair away from my face and tuck it behind my ear. I didn’t know what to say, or how to react, for I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t anymore. All I knew was that I didn’t want to make any sudden movement because I was afraid that if I did, he’d vanish into the calm, warm air. I wanted to touch him, feel his rough mustache. I reached out and cupped his face with my palms. He lowered his head and planted a sweet kiss on my forehead in return. After, he just looked me into my eyes and smiled, caressing me as well…

Grasping for air, I suddenly sat up. My heart was racing, and my crop top shirt clinged to my body with sweat. I glanced around me, trying to figure out what had just happened. Birds happily chirped in the oak trees around me, and the field was still deserted. Sitting there by myself, I tried to calm down and catch my breath. I lowered my head. I came to a realization that I just experienced another realistic dream of Charlie. It seemed I had dozed off for more than three hours because when I arrived earlier, it was 12:30 in the afternoon. The time was now 3:35. Dusting my pants off, I sighed.

When will this cycle come to an end? No matter what I did or told myself, I just couldn’t break free from Charlie. When will I stop having these dreams about him? Whenever I thought I had convinced myself that he was long gone and dead, he would prove to me that he was still alive in me mentally and emotionally. I just couldn’t understand why he haunted me. All I ever wanted now was to be able to move on with my life and find new form of happiness, but with these dreams continuously accruing, I didn’t think that’ll ever be deemed possible.
Time passed, and the breeze grew a little tense, blowing more strands of my hair from my loose bun. Massaging my temples, I remained on the grass trying to gain a stable train of thought. I attempted to re-adjust my bun when I abruptly stopped. The air started smelling of strong weed, and I began hearing loud singing in the distance coming from the playground. Squinting my eyes in the direction of the singing, I got up. I turned and headed towards the playground trying to locate the source of the singing.
After searching most of the playground, I approached the monkey bars where the singing grew louder. When I got there, I glanced up to find a guy lying on top of the monkey bar set. I furrowed my eyebrows and rested my hands on my hips patiently waiting for the unknown person to notice I was watching him sing. His legs dangled over the end, freely swinging back and forth. The stranger was comfortably lying on top of the bars, contently humming to himself with a blunt dangling from his mouth, clouds of smoke swirling into the summer air.
Confused and amused, I remained standing there, staring at him while the unknown guy deliriously sang and caroled out loud. Taking puffs from his blunt, he snapped his fingers and rocked from side to side. He wore a navy blue hooded sweater zipped all the way up with his hood over his head hiding locks of his black curly hair, although it was clearly eighty-nine degrees out. His cream cardigan shorts sagged below his waist line showing some of his boxers. He wore white knee-high tube socks. Black and white Nikey hightops dangled from his feet, his shoe laces untied. The hot sun rays glistened down on him, but his vision was shielded by black ray band sunglasses. I was highly intrigued by this person but I put on a front like he was causing a bit of annoyance.
Patiently tapping my foot, I shifted my weight and cocked an eyebrow. The guy continued to sing and after a while I could feel my ears bleeding. I loudly cleared my throat hoping he’d notice me standing there; and he did. As soon as he heard me, he stopped singing, sat up, and peered down at me. Unmoved and unusually calm, he just stared at me as if I had just invaded his private turf.
“Well hello there”, he stated, “How long have you been watching me?” I shrugged. “Long enough.” His eyebrows rose. “Yeah? I can see that now.” I didn’t move a muscle. He took off his sunglasses, tossed the rest of his blunt ashes, and stretched. “Wow, I musta’ gotten carried away with time.” I remained silent. The mysterious guy yawned, raising his arms in the air. He adjusted his body sideways on the monkey bars, fell backwards, and landed a perfect back flip to the ground.
He walked over to me and ran his fingers through his wild curly hair. When he did, the bright sun above us shone down on his face, and I noticed that he had one green eye and one blue eye. A cute, tiny black birthmark rested right above his right eyebrow. He had a perfectly shaped nose and peculiar lips that poked out a little, but were still inviting. I had no choice but to secretly stare at him in awe.
“…Sooo…what brings you to Jackson Park? I assumed this area was reserved for only me, but I guess I have company now.” A smirk slid across his model-face. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, unsure of what to do with them. “No, I believe you’ve got it all twisted, you’re on my grounds. So I guess I have company.” The guy chuckled. “Well in that case, I could use some company from a girl like you.” I cocked my head.
“Dude, you don’t even know me. You don’t know what kind of girl I am.” I loosened my long curly hair out of my bun and it gracefully toppled past my shoulders, stopping just shy of my mid-back. Slightly tilting my head back, I ran my fingers through my hair, purposely putting on a show. The guy didn’t take his eyes off me as I did, that sly smirk still plastered on his face.
He stepped towards me and stopped five inches away from me. He toward over me, standing at six-foot-one. He looked me into my eyes, and I swear I could feel butterflies forming inside me. “Well then, I’d love to find that out.” I shook my head and smiled. The guy really thought he had it all in the bag. I’ve seen guys like him before—how they thought, how they operated. Right off the bat I knew he was one of those guys who reeled girls in like fish without breaking a sweat. They tactfully said things to them that they knew would make them easily fall in love. Unfortunately for him, I wasn’t gonna be another statistic.
I took a step closer to him, slowly filling the space between us. “I can’t accompany someone whose name I don’t know, now can I?” The guy chuckled some more. He stepped back and bowed like a butler. “Andrew, at your service.” I shook my head, smiling. Who did he think he was? Andrew walked towards me, and stopped a few inches from my face. “Uh oh, did I just make you smile? Looks like my job is done. And your name is…” He stared at me, waiting for my answer.
“Eliana. But everyone calls me Elle.”
“That’s a cool ass name you got.”
“Thanks.”
“So it’s set then. The next time you come here, just look for me and we’ll give eachother company.”
“Wait a minute; I never said I’d be your company.” I raised my eyebrows and flashed him an innocent smile. His jaw slightly dropped. “But—” I cut him off by closing the gap between us, reaching over, and taking his sunglasses out of his hand. I slid them on right in front of him.
“It was nice to meet you, Andrew. I’ll see you around.”
“hey—”

I shot him another innocent smile, turned around, walked off the playground, heading down the field. Andrew stayed glued where he was in total shock, his mouth still half way open. As I walked off, I adjusted his shades and didn’t stop smiling; satisfaction plastered all over my face. “Fool”, I mumbled under my breath. And then I was gone.