A black landscape. I can’t see anything. I listen, but I cannot hear. I smell sulfur, and taste blood. Under my feet I feel nothing but rocky ground… no, more like broken glass… but it’s opaque. What is this? Where am I? I try to shake myself awake, thinking this is all just a dream… but it doesn’t end. I stare vacantly into the inky black void, squinting out into the darkness, searching.

“Hello?”

I call out into the abyss, but the words never leave my throat. Instead, all I hear is a pulse, like a heartbeat… it sounds worried, panicked, and alone… but it isn’t. There’s another pulse, but it seems malicious, as if it is what is spewing out this swirling blackness that is now suffocating me. I try to take a breath, but nothing comes in. I gasp in, but all I feel is the smothering emptiness filling my lungs, the sulfuric ink of the void burning its way to my lungs. I cough, throwing up blood as I claw at my throat, struggling to get out a shout for help. I gasp for air while searching wildly for someone to come to my aide, feeling alone, helpless, and trapped…

Then I wake up.

I’m face down in my pillow. I pull myself up slowly, taking a breath in, relieved at the lack of darkness that had flooded my lungs earlier. The taste of blood is gone now, with no evidence of it on my pillow, and I no longer feel the broken black glass that I had felt in my dream. I blink, allowing myself to gradually adapt to the darkness of my room. I look around at my small apartment, my workout equipment still in its place, and my computer screen casting a soft blue glow. I see the bowls on the table, emptied of Takoyaki, yet neglected. I stand up, looking in the mirror at my slim figure, my white hair, and my disgustingly red eyes. I run a hand through my hair, trying to brush it to the side, but to no avail. I’ve always been ‘unkempt’ and dirty looking, because my hair has never quite worked with me. I turn away from the mirror, picking out a shirt and slipping it on over my head.

Then... I see it. 

Normally I try to ignore it, to not let it get to me. I tell myself it’s all going to be okay, that I can work through it, that I’m strong enough, smart enough, brave enough. I tell myself that I am good enough... but everyone has their demons. I’m Mazoku Levi, and this is the story of how my demons... became a literal living hell.

I was almost ten at the time, just going into the third grade. We had been studying familiars, or beings that people would bond with at a certain age. Not much is known about them, other than the familiar you bond with would reflect you. Most people bond with animals, and this bonding would happen at the age of nine. I can remember how excited my classmates were, always betting on what theirs would be, as they sat down at their desks.

I wasn’t normal, however.

They always said you’d have this feeling… Like you feel more complete, that it was a “feeling of pure bliss” when you found your familiar. Since the first grade we had been taught that familiars will bond with us, and that we would become inseparable, “kinda like in PocketMonsters.” That idea of adventure and unity was always an exciting prospect, but I felt like something was wrong. Gradually, I started seeing the people around me start to find their familiars, while I still hadn’t found mine. Now, familiars were still relatively new, and had only started bonding with people in the past fifty years, but it was uncommon for someone to not bond with anything.

Thinking back to those days, I wish I hadn’t had so much faith in bonding with a familiar. I remember being so excited, only to come to the realization that I may not be getting a familiar… That I would be one of the unlucky few who were left without.

I was very wrong.

One night I was resting in bed after a full week of school, having just finished my small projects, and I lay groggily on my bed. As sleep settled in, I began to see wisps of black smoke swimming in my peripheral vision, but I was too tired, and instead of looking around, I quickly fell asleep.

That was the night the nightmares started.

Each time I entered this nightmare state, the scenery was exactly the same. An inky black void, uneven glassy surface, and the two pulses fighting against each other. The first time I had this dream, I woke up and ran screaming to my parent’s room in tears, telling them about the dream. Then, they comforted me, telling me it was just a bad dream, and that it would all be okay, and sent me back to bed. But, I could now see my familiar.

It’s dark figure hovered over my bed, long ivory teeth glistening in the inky shadows of my room, as it’s wispy body slowly floated around. It had no eyes, but instead had a paper talisman where it’s eyes would be. I remember seeing it, and being extremely afraid, as I had never seen any spirits or apparitions in my life before. I trembled, slowly walking to it, assuming it must just be a trick of the light, that I was just tired. Then I heard it. A pulse. It beat, malicious, erratic, and it was getting louder with each beat. That’s when I realized. This… creature… was the cause of my dream. I didn’t know how, but it was here, and it was working against me. I quietly whispered in it’s direction, “H-hey… W-w-why are you-” Before I could finish asking it to leave, it sprang forwards, mouth agape.

I screamed.

My parents ran into my room, screaming “Are you alright?!” and “What happened?” I pointed at the apparition, which now looked like it was chuckling, eyeing me and laughing, even without its eyes I knew. But… my parents just seemed confused. “What is it Mazoku?” my father asked, looking at where my finger was pointed. The demon put his finger up to his mouth, telling me to be quiet… it’s grin turning into a smirk, almost mocking me as I put my hand down.

“N-n-nothing…..” I said, between tears.

After that my parents left, telling me to go back to bed, and to not wake them up if there wasn’t an emergency. Dejected, I walked back towards my bed, the demon still hovering over it. “H-hey… what are you doing here?” I said, trembling lightly.

“You,” it said, raising its finger and pointing towards me. “You made me, I am you… and I am your inner demons.” I shuddered, “w-what do you mean?” I backed away, afraid of its four smooth, jagged teeth, and that otherworldly stare that I could feel penetrating my soul. “Don’t be afraid… I won’t hurt you…” the demon smirked. “I’ll just watch as others hurt you… that’s always the best feeling for me… is watching you continue to suffer!” It laughed, sadistic and cold, as I shrink away from it slowly.

I snap back to reality as I hear my alarm go off. It’s a little past 7:30am, meaning I only had an hour before my shift at the convenience store. I walked through my apartment, picking up paper bowls and cups, placing them in the trash can. I walk over to my equipment and eye my punching bag, worn and dented from many nights of relentless attacks. I sigh, walking past it and grabbing my sweater and umbrella, heading towards the door.

As I walked to work, I looked at a small shop window, with a painted sign on the glass, reading Yuuma’s Yakisoba. The thought of ordering fried soba noodles before getting to work crossed my mind, the smell of the noodles almost wafting out through the glass, the warmth of the noodles filling my rumbling stomach seemed like heaven as I walked down the rain-soaked street, water soaking through my shoes, my socks squishing as I take each step.

“As if… you fat pig, already thinking of eating again?!”

I stop. I turn to face the demon, which had taken on a more rounded, gluttonous form from the skinny apparition earlier.

“You’re already out of shape as it is, do you really want people to start laughing at you for that too???!”

I’ve been told many times by this thing that people constantly talk behind my back, but I always knew that… I shake my head, trying to ignore the demon as I walk past the shop, lightly holding my stomach as I walk to the convenience store. Maybe I’ll just buy myself a smaller, healthier snack when I get there.

“I didn’t know you were a comedian too!! First a struggling convenience store cashier, then roadside entertainment!”

It laughed, it’s distorted voice jumping around as it chuckled and sneered at me. It swirled around me, taunting me lightly, before finally calming down and tailing me again, awaiting its next opportunity to make a dig at my conscience.

“You’re fired.”

That’s what my boss said as I walked into work. His stern face seemed to cut right through me, disgusted. I really can’t argue with him though. I have heard him complain about my ‘lack of work ethic’ before, but it still hurt being told I was fired.

“Can’t even keep your job? What a joke!”

“Shut up…”

I walk back down the street towards my house, trying to think. How am I going to pay my rent? How will I eat? Why can’t I ever keep a job??

“Rent? Food? Job? You know none of that will matter right?” it sneered. “You’re all alone, and pretty soon you’ll die. Alone.”

I start walking faster, trying to ignore it, even as it follows behind me in perfect sync. Then I get a call. It’s from Daiki.

“Hello?”

“-Hey! Mazoku, you free tonight?-”

“Yeah, just got off work,” I told him, trying to hide the disappointment.

“Cool, how about you meet me and a few friends over at the karaoke bar? It’ll be fun, just a few friends hanging out and enjoying the great day!”

“....well… I don’t know if--”

“Dude, I can cover you money wise, no need to worry man! Hey, I’ll even give you a ride home after if you get wasted!” I hear him laugh on the other end, as I crack a smile.

“Alright, you’ve talked me into it.”

“Hell yeah! See you there!”

He hangs up the phone, and I can feel a little bit better as I walk, turning towards the back alley that houses the karaoke bar. Maybe today won’t be a total bust after all. I walk up to the building, feeling lighter than before, my demon slowly receding and shrinking in size, as I forget about my troubles for a moment. Just a fun moment with some friends at a karaoke bar.

I open the door, walking in. I look around, looking past people, bar tables, drunkards, and waiters. “He’s not even here yet,” I chuckle lightly. I check my phone, and sure enough, he’s late again. Even after all these years he hasn’t changed, I smile. Daiki and I have been friends since we were five years old, as our mother’s were friends and would always take turns babysitting the other’s child. We didn’t mind though. I always enjoyed seeing Daiki, he always brought a sort of light to everything he did. I remember when I realized I wasn’t going to have a familiar like everyone else, Daiki was the one who kept people from constantly teasing me about not having a familiar. In fact, Daiki doesn’t seem to have a familiar either, but Daiki is still one of the happiest people in our class. He does also have the ability to trick people into joining his little pranks, though, which can be troublesome if you’re bad at getting away with things. I look around some more, finally seeing Daiki walk in with two of our classmates.

“Yo!! Mazuko!”

“Hey...” I wave my hand sheepishly, not really wanting to be called out in this horde of people. I walk over, looking at Daiki and the two classmates. I don’t think I remember them. Do I even have them in any classes? Daiki looks at me.

“Hey, don’t worry about them, they just caught a ride with me,” he said. “I just wanted an excuse to see yah, since you’re always busy these days.”

“Yeah right, you just wanted to see me drunk again!”

We both laugh, knowing full well that we can be a bit chaotic when we drink. Last time we drank we cleaned out the bar’s shelves, with Daiki buying drinks for everyone in the bar.

“Well… maybe a couple drinks. Maybe it’ll fix that broken voice of yours!” I said, laughing. Daiki wasn’t a bad singer. In fact, he and I had been tenors in our high school choir. We both had a self-deprecating sense of humor, but Daiki was always someone who was able to lighten the mood. And he really didn’t have a bad voice at all, I kinda wish I could have his range to be honest. He’s one of the guys who can use his falsetto to beat out at least half of the sopranos. Yeah, he’s got quite the range.

“Well, let’s start then!”

He walks over to a booth, opening the door.

“Alright, I’m coming!”

I run over smiling. The guy could really make you feel better in a slump. I enter the booth, sitting down on one side of the table, looking at the drink choices.

“Hey, you’re the one paying right?”

“Just don’t go overboard!” He says, sitting down as he laughed.

It was another two minutes before the songs would start up, as the bar had just opened, so we decided to buy our first drink while we waited. We both got an order of iced beer, as it was always easiest to start small when we started drinking.

“So… what’s up? Been a while!”

I shrug. “Honestly, not much… You?” I take a swig of my beer, feeling the cool rush of the golden liquid flow into me, settling lightly as I swallow the rest of the mouthful I had previously taken.

“I’ve been alright, seems like you haven’t been doing too well, seeing how you’re drinking that beer!” He laughed lightly, drinking his almost as fast as I did. “Something up?”

“To be honest…” I freeze, clearing my throat, smiling as I lift my head. “Just missing these little hangout sessions!” I smile, lifting my glass. I take another drink, then wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

Then the songs start. They never have very good songs playing, as most of the customers are drunk while they take part anyways. It doesn’t make it any less enjoyable though, even if Daiki and I can hold our liquor.

“Hey, how about this... “ he smirked, “...first one to black out loses!” He tipped the glass back, downing the rest of the beer, golden bubbles flowing out of the glass as foam drips down his cheek.

“Might not be that hard, seeing as you can barely drink your first cup without screwing up!”

I laugh, pointing at the small stream of foam running down his chin. I tip my jug back, chugging the rest of it down. “No way in hell am I losing a drinking contest to you!” I smirk, feeling lighter, like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders. Oh how I’ve missed this. It’s been too long since Daiki and I have hung out.

“We’ll see about that!” He grins, motioning for the barista.

“Yes sir?”

“We’ll take five whiskey highballs each please,” he smirks, “try not to water it down too much, we can’t stay forever you know!”

He laughs, stretching out on the sofa. I look around as we wait for the drinks to get here, the blue lighting setting a peaceful, yet lively atmosphere. The seating was a vibrant red in comparison to the blue lights, and the soft leather felt like heaven after all that walking earlier. I look up in time to notice the screen on the wall light up, as the tune to a song started to play.

“You ready?” Daiki said, sitting up a bit, grabbing one of the microphones from the stand under the television screen.

“Just don’t fall behind! Lemme show you what a real singer is like!” I laugh, grabbing my microphone and looking up at the screen. The song was unfamiliar to me, but the tune was fairly simple, so I didn’t think I would have much of a problem getting a handle on the harmony, since last time we went here I had been the melody. We’re pretty weird like that, trading off who gets to sing what part of the song… But no matter what part of the song we sang, or how miserably we failed at singing it, it was always a great pick me up.

As the song starts, Daiki starts singing. He struggles a little, as neither of us have ever heard this song before, but he quickly gets into the flow of it. Then I join in, interweaving my harmonies in with his melodies. And then, everything feels… light. I don’t feel weighed down, or pressured, or stressed over deadlines or work… Just…. Being able to enjoy a moment with a good friend, and an awful song. And I don’t think I’d have it any other way. And for a second… I think that I’ve defeated my demons. Even if it’s just for now, at this moment. I look over at Daiki and laugh. He smiles back, laughing at the song, telling jokes we made in high school, and downing a few drinks for kicks.