Giving In | Teen Ink

Giving In

May 23, 2022
By mullarde, Phoenix, Arizona
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mullarde, Phoenix, Arizona
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Charlotte Kahlon

4528 North Adelaide Street

Brisbane, Queensland, 4008

AUSTRALIA

02/24/2038


Angela Brown

Brisbane Pediatrics

8542 East Grey Street, 4101

AUSTRALIA


Dear Doctor Angela,


I am just checking in to share some noticed behaviors of my sweet Blake. 


Hello, there I hope you are doing well. We briefly spoke about some actions I have been picking up on, and I know you want to know more specifics on the situation. My observations started approximately three months ago, but I cannot recall a specific event that introduced the issue. I don't believe Blake hit his head or fell, although his brother likes to wrestle. I think he is okay, though; I can't see how there could be anything wrong as he is so young. My son does well in social situations as Blake is kind and talkative to peers. I would say he is just like any other kid, and when he gets upset, he expresses it in a way unique to himself. I think it's vital for you to know that he doesn't ever react with any physical actions.


My husband and I have observed Blake hum in loud, low-pitched tones, pick up his toys (cars), and roll them up and down his head/face area as if the rolling motion calms him. He also moves his eyes a lot, kind of in circular motions, following the pathways of light. Are these normal behaviors in young children? These practical actions are not a common thing to take place by any means, precisely once every three weeks. My husband is much more concerned than me, as I believe he is just remarkable and intelligently advanced to feed into his senses to calm himself. It does cause my husband and I to have some arguments, but I want to protect my son. I worry he will not do well during the move over to America. He is only four years old; what if it makes his actions worse? I'm not extremely worried, but I want the best for my love, and it scares me to know I won't be there to help him this time. Oh, I am not sure I have informed you, but my job requires me to stay here in Australia for a minimum of 3 years to keep my steady pay. So I will be here while my husband and kids start their new life in a new location. Blake is not as comfortable with my husband when these reactions occur. What should we do now that I won't be living at home? Anyway, let me know as soon as possible, but they don't leave for another seven months, so we have some time. If you would like to talk to me personally about this, I would be more than happy to meet with you at a mutually convenient time. Thank you again for all your help! Have an excellent rest of your day. 


The name of my health insurance plan is Medibank.


Regards, 


Charlotte Kahlon

I walk out the door. The bell rings. I can't help but stand upright as the ringing begins from complete and utter boredom. I play a game with myself, and I freestyle rap lyrics in my head until the noise discontinues. I wonder if people can tell. 

Anyway, I guess history is okay. I learned about some war, but all I could think about was a similar-looking scene where Captain America saved the day in a fight. I remember Captain America was first born during some World War, so I connected the two. Before beginning my lesson, my teacher asked, "Does anyone know about World War I?". I immediately yelled, in my Australian accent, "YES, CAPTAIN AMERICA!". I am not the greatest at focusing on the right topic if it isn't clear. My mind seems to wander a lot. I prefer science class, but I like Ms.Batcher because she listens to me. I feel like every time I talk, she actually looks at me and responds directly to me. I mean, I'm not saying that doesn't happen to me because I have a lot of friends. Today I even got to sit next to my best friend Cole, but we usually get separated for talking too much. Although it's kinda funny because Cole isn't the one talking, it's more me. Oops! 

I am so excited for the rest of the day because I will be doing my school science project with my pet frogs. That means I have a reason to play with them for an extended period without my dad yelling at me. I mean, I know he sort of wants me to be interested in different activities, but I don't see an issue with it. Also, my mom tells me she thinks it's unique and not to listen to dad, so it usually doesn't bother me. Oh my gosh, it's Thursday today, which means I get to join my weekly call with my mom! I love talking to my mom, almost similar to Ms.Batcher. If I'm being honest, she's my best friend. But I usually keep that fact to myself because people always say things like, "your parents shouldn't be your best friends." 

As I walked through the hallway with Cole, we found Gloria. Cole and Gloria have been preparing for the school play three weeks from now and are required to go to practice after school every day. I waved goodbye as we did our friend group handshake we do every day. At the end of the handshake, we all yell, "Trisophorus." Cole, though, is one of those people who looks ten years older than his age when you look at him. One of the kids you walk by at school and everyone knows he hit puberty before anyone else. He likes to get completely into the handshake and decides to project his baritone voice to the max. I know Cole is one of the most free-spirited people I know and expresses his true self all the time. I feel like I am sort of the same, but everyone around me, for some reason, doesn't agree. As we walked away, I had to walk through the hallway alone. I always hated walking alone, but only because I always saw people watch me, and I just knew they were thinking of me as 'that kid from Australia.' I always thought it was pretty interesting, though, because my siblings talked the exact same as me. 

After getting through the halls, I met my siblings at the front of the school and started our daily adventure of walking home. I have never met another quadruplet, so I like to think of us almost as our own little pack of wolves. I don't think they feel the same, though. We begin talking about our days, telling funny stories, and enjoying one another's presence. However, I find it so obnoxious when my sister Alaia always talks about all her girl drama issues because I feel like she should just surround herself with better people who care about her. I don't say anything to her because I know she would never listen to a word I say. We finally got home, and my dad was talking to my brother, Tommy, about what he was going to do at the gym today. Oh my gosh, I can't wait for the day I look so strong. They talked about benching at the gym together and how he was proud of him for reaching a new personal record. I feel like I want to show my dad that I would be able to do that pretty easily too. I mean, I don't know if it's just me, but I feel like the last time I saw him smile that big for me was in my tennis match a couple of years ago because I served my first ace. But at the same time like, sometimes I feel stupid for even thinking that much into things, like no one does that. I was also looking in the mirror the other day and noticed I looked more muscular. Tommy looked at me as he was walking out the door to the gym and said, "Hey, if you want to come, you can. " I stuttered and didn't quite know what I wanted to do but decided to go anyway. My father drops us off with more excitement in his eyes than usual. We walk into the entrance, and I feel a bit out of place. I still had the shoes I used to wear for tennis that were bright orange, which I wasn't sure about because I felt like everyone was looking at me.

Tommy knew all the guys there, and I wanted to say hi too, so I followed him around the gym. He set up a circuit, and we began our workout. The most annoying part of the day was that I couldn't even attempt to lift the weights that Tommy was using, so I had to reset the machines every time. I am not going to lie, though; I felt so strong afterward. I went to the bathroom and flexed my arms in the mirror when I was alone. My favorite part of going was that I knew all the rap music playing. I like to think that one of my most incredible talents is my rapping abilities. I have always had a way of memorizing the lyrics of fast songs well, so I was rapping the lyrics the entire time. 

We got home, and I was so excited to tell my dad about going to the gym. I felt like he would be so excited for both me and Tommy. We walked through the door, and I screamed, "DAD, WE'RE BACK!". He did actually seem proud of me, but shortly after just began talking to Tommy about what we had planned to do at the gym tomorrow. I shrugged, and just sort of walked back to my room. Oh my gosh, it's time to call mom! I was so excited to tell her about my past week. I picked up my phone and clicked on her name pinned at the top of my contact list. She answered the phone right away, and listening to her voice immediately took away all the other thoughts I had about my dad's actions earlier. We talked about everything you could imagine, from my school projects to friends, my brother and sisters, my frogs, and my biggest dreams. I always hope to be like my mom when I grow up. I told her about dad, and she said she was sorry for him and that she would talk to him about it. I never understood why she was so different from him. I know that because she lives on another continent, it's hard to see the happiness they give each other on a usual occasion, but it was something that I always thought about. 

Today is Saturday! I love the weekends because I get time to explore. I decided today that I wanted to visit Ms.Laya. I asked my sister Ivy if she wanted to join me because I know how much she enjoys hiking, but she said she was busy for the day. I got on my bike and rode my way to the park. It's only a 4-minute and 38-second bike ride; I have timed it about 78 consecutive times. Today it was really windy, and my hair covered my eyes when I was trying to look ahead, so maybe it's time for a haircut. I arrived at the park and set my bike down. I don't even have to worry about anyone stealing my bike because no one knows about this location. I like to think of it as my own secret little park, a place I feel so very connected to spiritually and emotionally. The park is an outdoor field with blooming green grass and a small lake. Even a lightly faded blue bridge extends over the small lake. Guess what! There are even baby tadpoles in the lake, and I love sitting down and watching them. I am actually not entirely sure if it's considered a lake or a pond, haha, I would expect myself to know that information, considering how much time I spend researching frogs. I usually prefer to keep that detail more undercover, though. I don't know why. I don't want people to know me as that weird frog kid. 

The park is a beautiful place to be, but what makes it even better is the small bakery attached to the park. This bakery is owned by my friend Ms.Laya! It is called "Bakery By the Blue." I always loved that name because it was so simple yet sounded like it would be in a fairytale. I loved that it was like my park, except that there weren't many customers for Ms. Laya's store. It is a privately owned bakery, and I was sure to purchase at least one thing every time I got into the store. The French chocolate croissants there are AMAZING! I am quite certain I have only ever seen one other person at the park simultaneously as me, and it was just an old couple walking their dog. Sorry back to the bakery. It is an old-fashioned pink and yellow-colored store with little drawings of windows at the front. As I walk through the doors, I feel a sense of gentleness and welcoming, but maybe that's just me. Now I love my rap music to show off my rapping abilities, but I really appreciate that Ms. Laya is always playing music from her time. The music from her time is all the 60's, 70's, and 80's beats. We celebrated her birthday the other week, just us two and her son. They moved here from France a while back, and we can actually relate to our differing continent childhoods. She loves the Beatles a lot. I always laugh because when I think about the Beatles, the band, I can't help but reminisce about the pet Beetles I collected in my backyard when I lived in Australia. Sometimes my heart aches for the memories I created in Australia and that I'll never be able to relive them again. I wish I had a person my age to talk about cool ideas like that with. 

I entered the bakery doors, and Ms.Laya ran over and gave me the biggest hug. She gives the best hugs because she's like hugging a pillow! I asked her about her day and bought two croissants today because she said the store was super empty today. We walked through the park, and I told her about my school work, my inner feelings about what my father had said earlier, and how my frogs were doing! 

I always leave the park in a better mood than I was before. I want to invite my friends to come with me sometime, but I fear they would instead want to do plenty of other activities. I made my way home humming the song that was on repeat in the bakery today called "All you need is Love" by the Beatles. I love memorizing the lyrics, so I listen to every single word the writers choose to include. I have always wondered about love because I always wanted a different type of love than I grew up watching my parents share with one another. However, if that's the love my mom got, I'm not sure I could find any better because I would think anyone would want to be with her. 

I walk through the door, feeling very joyful because of all the fun I have had. I suddenly remembered that my hair was way too long while riding my bike, so I told my dad. "Hey, dad! I just got home, and I thought I could get a haircut this weekend sometime, maybe tomorrow. What do you think?" Before I could pick my head up to look in front of me, I saw a hand approaching my face. I feel the stinging sensation on my face and feel a sense of confusion. I close my eyes in fear and hear my father's voice fluctuating through the house. 

He yells, "Listen here, boy, you can do whatever the f*ck weird interests you want, but you never, ever mention my name badly to your mother. Never again will you get in the way of our relationship. Okay, is that understood by you?" I had never experienced anything like this before. I felt emotions flying through my bloodstream ranging from anger, sadness, and extreme fear. My tiny legs began shaking, and I suddenly felt like I had no control over what would happen next. I assumed that I would do what I always do when I get upset and just turn around, say nothing, and return to my room. This time, something was different, and I felt something I hadn't ever experienced before. All I could feel was the rage exploding through my eyes. I screamed as loud as possible, probably the most audible noise I have ever created from my lungs. My scream echoed through the halls, and my eyes squeezed shut, and all I could see was black. As the star-speckled vase my mother bought shattered, the purple tulips harshly slammed to the ground, and the glass flew in every direction. My father turned to me, his eyes full of fear. Although we were both so angry at one another, I could tell we were both thinking the same thing. How did that vase just shatter? 

I run to my room and begin crying. Tears are shedding down my face as I gently close the door of my room. All I wanted to do at that moment was take back anything I'd ever said. I feared what my father would do next. I decided I would act as if nothing had happened. I turned on one of my favorite songs, Mo Bamba by Shek Wes. I felt like rapping the lyrics in my head would help me feel just a little bit better. I gently took my pet frogs out of their aquarium and brought their presence closer to my face. I focused my attention on the slightly slimy but comforting feel of their lightly colored green skin. I loved that it seemed like they could understand exactly how I was feeling without saying one word.  

I told no one about my experience earlier that day, and I knew my dad hadn't either. As I was brushing my teeth, I noticed my birthmark looked different. I was born with a heart-shaped birthmark on my palm, and my mom had always told me it was the exact thing that showed how unique I was. It looked different that night, though. I couldn't exactly tell what was different because I had so much fear spreading throughout my body. I went to bed that night but woke up countless times thinking about what happened that day. I couldn't get it out of my head. 

Today felt weird. I sat at breakfast with my siblings and dad before leaving for school. I stared down at my plate, avoiding all eye contact. I put my attention to the syrup running down the edge of my plate and let it fall just enough before it touched the table. I could tell my siblings were confused because I am almost always the loudest one at the table. However, eating my pancakes, I had a realization that if I acted super different, people would know something was up. So just like that, I turned a switch in my brain. We got in the car, and I immediately began screaming the lyrics out loud. I made eye contact with my father, and I was now always scared he would hit me whenever I did anything wrong. He immediately nodded at me. I wasn't sure what that really meant, but I just continued on. 

I was happy to see Tommy and Gloria this morning. I wanted to tell them what happened, but I was worried about what they might think of me afterward. I kept trying to just push it past me. I never realized how hard it is to go against your brain's thoughts. We had Biology today, and we were focused on cellular respiration. It was pretty interesting; we got to use some cool science equipment. Cole, Gloria, and I were all in the same group, which was so fun! Our teacher instructed us to use a magnifying glass to look at the prints our palms had and contemplate all the cells that covered that area. My friends and I laughed and laughed as always, but I couldn't help myself to continue replaying what happened last night. My brain felt like an overused calculator with questions continuously asking things like: Why does this have to happen to me? What if there is something wrong with me? Am I going to die? Could I possibly have control of the universe? They continued hour after hour throughout the entire day. As we magnified our palms, I couldn't help but look back at my birthmark. My skin tone is usually a pale shade, but my birthmark has always been a light pinkish color. I immediately looked down and saw the pinkish tone turning into a bluish brown color. My heart began racing. It felt like I had just run through the finish line after sprinting for miles, except the only difference was that I had nothing to feel accomplished for. 

I continued to hear my friends' voices echoing through my head, but like a background speaker to my brain. All I wanted to do was get those thoughts out, but I couldn't tell anyone. I smirked with a light smile on my face and laughed like I knew exactly what was going on. 

Days passed until, eventually, I couldn't keep it running through only myself anymore. My dad continued making me feel unsafe at home, and I had no way of letting my thoughts escape. It felt like the questions were following me around and stabbing me in the heart, making me feel suffocated. I was actually quite surprised that my friends hadn't noticed anything different. However, I was pleased about that. That was quite literally the only thing I could say I was happy about at that moment. The only person I wanted to tell was my mom. But I just couldn't. I was too afraid of my father's actions if I told her what happened because I knew my mom would lose her mind. I knew she would be too angry toward my dad and feel a need to come home. I didn't want to cause any more problems than I had already caused. 

I decided what I wanted to do the second most was tell Ms.Laya. Walking around the park was also so therapeutic to me, so I went ahead and did so. I had sort of been going through the motions of life for the last week or so and felt a sense of relief to hop on my bike and go to the park. My park; at least that's what I like to think of it as. My hair covered my eyes, and I shrugged because my father hadn't booked that appointment yet. 

I had wanted to tell Ms. Laya all day, but for some reason, right as I was approaching the entrance, I felt like my stomach was in my feet. I was so nervous, even though I knew Ms.Laya would be so supportive. As always, though, questions fluttered through the back of my mind. I finally get myself together and enter the bakery. The immediate inhale of the freshly made croissants instantly makes my stomach feel a sense of relief. She always gives me the biggest hug, but it felt like home today. I felt the feeling of tears about to drop from my eyes but pushed them back. I now felt like there was a golf ball in my throat, but I could not cry; I just could not. She recognized something was off right away, and that recognition made me feel a small pocket of joy. Like she really did know me well.

Time passed, and I told her everything. From the conversation with my mom to speaking to my dad, the vase shattering without anyone touching it. I explained all my fears and concerns and that I have been having a weird connection with the universe. I described the visual changes occurring on the birthmark on my hand. We talked for hours and hours, and she calmed me. However, I could tell she had some fear in her eyes. She explained that she was slightly concerned because the government would target anyone they thought could harm the world. I thought about that statement long after our conversation. I firstly never wanted to be any sort of harm to the world, and secondly did not want to stand out in a crowd. Ms. Laya encouraged me to tell my mother because she knew that she had a record of all my health records in the past and believed she could possibly find a connection. 

As our conversation ended, we got up to say goodbye. We heard scurrying coming from the store's door, and we both turned our heads in sync. It sounded like an animal or something knew we would be turning around and ran away as fast as it could. Ms. Laya said she has been having roof rats recently and that that's most likely what the noise was. 

I had always felt like Ms. Laya, and I sort of knew each other in a past life. Like our souls were already bonded from the moment we met. I went to bed that night feeling better than I woke up earlier that morning but still had thoughts racing through my head. I repeatedly picked up my telephone and almost clicked my mom's contact name but hesitated away every time. I asked myself questions like What really was in my medical records? Do my parents know something I don't know about myself yet? 

To be completely honest with myself, the part about the government sort of stuck with me. Like, was I some sort of alien? What was wrong with me? I honestly couldn't imagine anyone ever finding out about this new information. Just before I laid my eyes shut with the hopes of finally falling asleep, I heard a banging sound coming from the kitchen. I heard my mom's voice on the phone and suddenly woke up. I couldn't tell if I was in a dream or just half asleep from getting up so rapidly. I listened through the door's cracks, and my father was yelling at my mother. I heard him saying statements like "What is wrong with him!" and "He needs help." These statements continued on for 30 more minutes. Eventually, I couldn't listen any longer; it stung my heart. The words sunk into my chest and felt like numbness through every centimeter of my skin.

I woke up, but as soon as I felt awake, the same numbness and tingles projected throughout my entire body. My fingers felt like pins and needles, and my chest felt as if there were a colossal hole deepening with every thought. I thought what I felt was sadness, but it soon turned into anger. I went through my day with this anger inside me, building up through every moment. However, I never wanted to shed this anger on anyone else around me except for maybe my father. I suddenly became jealous of all those around me that seemed so effortlessly happy. Why couldn't I just push this past me? And so I tried to laugh with my friends. I put a smile on my face and pretended like everything was normal. 

I had math second period today. We were learning shapes in geometry and how to measure angles in those shapes. As my teacher described a shape called a rhombus, I quickly thought of a joke in my head I had heard a couple of years back. I yelled out to the class, "Why was the math teacher late to work?" I waited for everyone to think, then screamed out, "She took the rhombus! Get it!" I was so excited to be my true self again, and everyone laughed aloud. I am not really sure if they were laughing at me or with me, but I just took it as a good thing anyway.

Someone once told me I had kind of stupid jokes, but the types of jokes that are so stupid you have to laugh. I sat in my seat feeling proud of myself for my funny joke until suddenly, a classmate responded. It was a kid named Wyatt; he was a big jock. He actually played on the football team with my brother. I never had much of a close relationship with him, but I always tried to talk to him. My pet peeve was when I smiled at someone, and they wouldn't smile back, and he did that every single time. I shouldn't have smiled at him anymore, but I wanted to always be sure he thought of me in a good light. Anyway, after I told my joke, he laughed and said, "Okay, you 'bugger' you think you're so funny, don't you ha ha ha just don't even realize that everyone is laughing at you." I heard these words but didn't have time to process them. I acted without control and just did what my body wanted me to do. I felt the anger rushing through my blood up to my throat. I immediately screamed so loud I saw everyone, including my teacher's chair, move back in fear. I felt it again, the feeling. I had no clue what it was, but it was happening again. It seemed like a flame of fire was circulating through my blood, so I clenched my fists. This scream felt even more powerful than the one with my dad. I even felt a burning sensation on that same spot on my palm, but I could only pay attention to my thoughts. I felt like I was paralyzed, with no control over the external parts of my body. As though I was in a movie and someone paused the film with the remote, my body was frozen. I felt the scream suddenly stop and then felt a flow of freezing temperature go from my head to my toes. The burning had stopped, and I now felt freezing, with goosebumps up and down my arms and legs. I looked up, and it came to me that I was in the middle of a classroom in front of quite literally 35 kids. This could possibly be my worst nightmare. I felt a hole in my stomach, but before I could process any emotions, Wyatt spoke again. I couldn't quite make out what he said, but something along the lines of "What the hell even are you?".

However, something strange was happening; his voice was different. He usually has a decently deep voice, but it sounded so high-pitched that it was squeaky. Like he had just inhaled a breath of helium from a popped balloon-like we all used to as young kids. I couldn't help but laugh at that moment until it hit me. The moment it hit me was the exact moment that hit almost everyone around me. Did I cause that? Everyone's first instinct was to laugh but then wonder. Little did they know I kept wondering for the next consecutive days, one after the next. Thoughts raced through my head day and night, questioning the past situations I had experienced. 

Eventually, it all sort of became too much for me. I like to think of myself as quite the tough-skinned guy, but this was different. It didn't seem like one of those stupid little issues that come, but it will be gone in less than a couple of months. This was eternal. Neverending. Something was actually wrong with me, but like not in my head this time in real life. And everyone knew it too. Walking through the hallways at school was what my worst nightmare looked like. Everyone was staring at me with that look that just judges you with one glance and tears into your soul. I could hear rumors being spread about me. That I was some sort of Australian alien, that was a lab project. I couldn't care anymore, though. I was completely frozen. My friends eventually stopped talking to me as much. If only I had enough in me to try to tell them what was happening, but I didn't know. Today was Thursday, the day I usually met with my mom. However, I felt more stressed instead of my usual excitement because I knew she would notice. And if not notice, ask me what I've been up to, and there's no way I could hide it past her; I was past that point. 

Similar to how I felt last time this happened, I had no one to tell except Ms. Laya. I rode my bike straight to the park with one simple goal in mind, nothing else. On the ride over, I saw a rainbow—a beautiful one. I actually almost ran straight into a stoplight because I couldn't take my eyes off of it. One of those rainbows that have every color perfectly blended side by side. The ones my mom and I used to look at together in Australia in my early childhood. That was one of the earliest memories of my life because I always said it made me think of what it felt like to laugh. The colors were the different notes of laughter by myself and others. I was an interesting little guy with lots more thoughts than the average child. 

I breathed in the smell of fresh lavender. I stopped daydreaming about rainbows and got back to what I was doing. The park was covered in lavender, and that's how I knew I was close once that scent filled my nose. I speed walked my way over to the bakery and got to the doors. I saw a sign on the door. "Sorry for the inconvenience. We could not be here today". I worried that maybe the small crowds had finally caught up to Ms. Laya's ability to pay rent. I mean, what more could really go wrong in my life. I was unsure what to do but remembered that Ms. Laya and I put the tadpoles in the pond, so I thought I would focus on finding and naming each one. I loved frogs so much that I believed this would take my mind off of life for a bit. And it did. I sat on the smooth rock lying above the water and counted one after another, pointing out each individual tadpole's uniqueness. I thought to myself, "What small detail separates each one, and how does that affect its way of life?". I thought a lot about how I could relate a frog's life to my own, considering hundreds of different similarities and differences.  

I wanted to tell someone about what had happened at school the other day, so I decided to talk to the frogs. I have always felt like I had a special connection to frogs, so I began talking to them. I started from the fight with my father to the incident at school and explained all my worries and thoughts about possible superhuman abilities. It felt like a weight had been released from my chest not only because I was letting everything out, but I had sworn the frogs heard me. I know that's stupid, but like they were looking at me when I was talking. I sat on this rock for at least an hour and a half, talking nonstop, until a splash hit the water and scared all the frogs away. 

"Splash." The sound was created when the rock hit the water. I quickly turned my head, and a person was there. I couldn't believe my eyes; a girl was approaching me. She looked different than I had ever seen. She wore a ripped loose blue t-shirt and some white athletic shorts. She wore no shoes and had bright red hair, the one that stands out in a crowd. I had never really seen someone with such red hair yet tan skin. She walked straight at me and just sat right next to me. She seemed like one of those people that is automatically comfortable with everyone around them, or at least around me. I couldn't help but pay attention to her eyes because she had two different colored eyes. She probably thought I was staring at her in a weird, attractive way, but it was simply intriguing. I had always liked looking at people that didn't look like everyone else. We began speaking, sharing names; her name was Madison. I felt like that name was too austere for such a complex person. 

I couldn't help but worry if she heard my conversation with the frogs and what she would do with that information. She really had no fear of just saying what she wanted. She just straight up said she heard the entire conversation and was listening behind a bush. I was lost for words. I had no clue who this random girl was, and yet now she knew more information about me than any single person in this world. I started freaking out inside my head, but my feet began tapping against the rock out of nervousness. What if she told the police or something scary like that? While I was thinking this, I forgot to respond to her and quickly said that I was just talking about a dream I had the other night. She was quick to answer, and her brain seemed like it moved at 100 miles per hour. Right after I said anything, she had something to ask or say less than 5 seconds after. She wouldn't believe that it was a dream, but I kept trying to convince her it really was. 

She had an exciting sense of humor. Most things about her were different. We sat there talking for a while, but I wanted to get up and leave. I felt a little uncomfortable, but I was unsure how to leave mid-conversation. She told me that she actually knew all this about me a week ago when she overheard me talking to Ms. Laya and that the loud noise was her scurrying away. I knew that I had a weird feeling about that! I wondered how she found Ms. Laya since not many people knew her. She told me a pretty cool story, actually. Basically, her family was visiting here about two years ago, and they had lost their daughter, young Madison, at the time, but Ms. Laya found her parents and returned her. Madison described that ever since that day, she has always loved visiting her bakery because it reminded her of the power of the universe. I could tell she was one of those people that are really into the whole 'what you give out is what you get’. I wasn't sure how I felt about that idea, but I always loved hearing people's perspectives. 

Madison then informed me that she wasn't from close to Maine but lived primarily in Indiana. She then continued to say that it means we were meeting for a reason because the universe brought us together. However, I couldn't help but think that maybe this is actually how my mom and everyone around me would hear about what has been going on. I felt that it was better not to share where I attended middle school in case she met anyone I knew. I mean, it was clear she has no fear of talking to anyone, so that made me a bit worried. I finally got to go home once she realized she had to be home for dinner. As she was getting up to walk away, I grabbed her arm and whispered quietly, "Madison, I have quite literally no clue who you are, but please, all I ask is that you keep everything you've heard completely a secret." She laughed and smirked, then walked away. I asked myself, "What kind of response was that?" I have always struggled with trusting people, so I questioned how I was supposed to trust someone with my biggest life secrets that I had never met before 10 minutes ago. I mean, who knew if I was even going to see her again, she didn't carry a phone on her at any time. 

I rode home that day but felt more at peace for some reason. I couldn't figure it out because I felt so uncomfortable when I was around Madison, but all I knew was that I felt some sense of ease in my chest. Until I walked in the door, of course, and my father was home early from work. All my siblings were in the kitchen as I entered the garage, thank gosh, because I tried to avoid being alone with him every chance I could. Today was Thursday! I couldn't tell if I was excited about talking to my mom today, but I knew I would be once I got on the call. One thing I loved about talking to my mom as she always knew when to say what. She knew that I was not too fond of silence and always had a way of moving our conversation forward.

We spoke on the phone, and that sense of relief I felt earlier was there again. I took my frogs out of their living habitat as I talked to my mom and laughed more in that moment than I had for a while. It was all going great until my dad heard me on the phone and came in to say hi to my mom. I still sometimes forget that he loves her. Sometimes I feel like I want to almost protect her from him as I do for myself. It's a little bit of a scary feeling to feel unsafe at home, but I know he would do anything for my mom, so I try to tell myself that. The thing that I hated the most was that right when he heard my mom on the phone, he immediately acted as if he loved me again. It was like a flip of a switch, and now he was so nice to me. It made me so enraged because I knew it was all a cover for my mom, but I didn't want to create conflict, so I went along with it. It took so much for me not to say something at that moment. I squeezed my palms into a tight ball but tried to focus my attention on my frogs. I just wanted to talk to my mom alone, but I guess that wasn't an option anymore. I sort of started getting quieter and quieter as my dad continued talking over my voice. Eventually, I was just having my own side conversation with my pet frogs. 

I went to sleep that night, unsure of my feelings. I felt like I had no control over the thoughts that came into my head and what my brain would do with those thoughts. I came to school the following day feeling very insecure about what others thought of me. I went to meet my friends in the hallway and do our famous handshake, but I couldn't find them there. I just remembered that I had been so off mentally that I had forgotten to meet my friends to do our handshake in the last couple of weeks. I felt so terrible because I never wanted my struggles to lead to the separation of my friends. I felt a little sting in my heart, but I knew all I could do was fix it myself. I talked to them in class and apologized for my actions. I could tell, though, that they were starting to believe what the rest of the students were saying about me. They asked me, "Okay, but what really happened to you the other week? How did his voice randomly change? Did you do that?". The only issue was that I wasn't sure. I had almost completely forgotten about the change in the birthmark on my palm until Cole pointed out that it looked different. I hated that I stood out so much now. All I had always wanted to do was fit in with everyone else. After what I have been going through, I decided that I would rather no one notice me than for everyone to see me in a negative view. 

School today was okay. I was glad to have the opportunity to walk home with my siblings because if my friends and I weren't as close, at least I would still have my built-in friends. I always felt a little closer to Alaia because we always shared the most interests, at least with nature. We walked together and talked about each of our science projects. I really wish just someone would notice that I was off and check-in and ask me if I was okay. However, I never wanted to be the one to bring that stuff up. 

I finished all my homework as soon as I got home and went to the park again, hoping Ms. Laya would be there today. I began heading toward the bakery when I felt an explosive movement on my shoulders. It was Madison again. I wasn't sure how she found me here again. She reminded me of that battery bunny that was always in advertisements. The ones that somehow have unlimited amounts of energy. She talked to me like she had known me her entire life. I was not quite like that. I felt a little bit sad because I feel like Madison hasn't been able to know the loud and energetic side of me. I wondered if we could get along better if I showed that part of me because I always liked that side of me more. We talked about a lot of things today. She asked me, "How do you achieve happiness?". I had never been asked something like that before. It was a different way of talking to someone. I even got some of my jokes back. We talked about happiness, and I said a random joke, "Why was the horse so happy?". She stood there, actually thinking of an analytical response. I saw her brain working; it was fascinating to watch. Before she could give an answer, I yelled, "Because she lived in a stable environment." I laughed at myself, expecting it only to be myself laughing at the joke, but as I quieted down, her laugh continued. She had a funny laugh. It sort of sounded like a pig snorting, but in a good way.

We talked for at least 2 hours, and I wasn't sure if I had ever spoken to a random stranger for that long before. Usually, I always kept talking to fill the awkward silence, but I never had to do that. It was almost like the conversation flowed like how it felt to smear peanut butter on perfectly crispy sourdough bread. It was a perfect stroke of the knife hitting the bread, leaving an even swipe of peanut butter on the toast. Madison always had something to do. It was never ever boring. Today she came up with the idea to collect as many shreds of grass to create the best sculpture. She always wore funny clothes. I still had never seen her wear shoes on her feet. Today, her hair was in a tight bun, but her hair fell out when she started doing laps around the pond. It flowed so beautifully in the light. The contrast of her red hair to the blue water was like a photograph. 

As we kept talking, Ms. Laya came up from behind us and ran to give me the biggest hug. Oh, how I missed her big hugs! She exclaimed that she had always wanted to introduce us long ago and was ecstatic that we had met on our own. I explained that I met Madison trying to come to talk to her and that she overheard our conversation the other day. She knew that I would be very tense about that and continued to inform me that she had known Madison for some time now and knew she wouldn't tell anyone. We all talked, and I loved the way Madison also loved Ms. Laya.

We all spoke until the sun was not there anymore. I soon started pointing out the more similarities Madison and I had with one another. I was definitely still a little upset that my friends began falling into the fake rumors people were making up at school, but I just told myself that maybe Madison was there to be my new friend. Plus, our conversations were so much cooler anyway; it was like I had a duplicate version of myself. We were so similar but so different at the same time. I came home that night and found myself talking about Madison. I realized that she was on my mind that whole night, but I couldn't figure out exactly why. I definitely did not have a crush on her or anything, but it was a different feeling than I ever had. 

Life was different, but I didn't know what it meant. I went to school the next morning, and for some reason, everything was affecting me more than usual. I couldn't just walk through all the judgments I was getting every second of the day. I walked through the halls and felt like the eyes of those around me were like laser beams burning my skin. I hated it, and all I wanted to do was go back to how it was before. You know you never realize how lucky you are until it's gone. Instead of being angry about my situation, I felt sad. Like I had crawled back into my own cave and pushed myself away from the world. The day felt like thin air, like something with no weight to it. But not a good lightness, a lightness of nothingness. 

My dad seemed anxious today. I wondered for a moment if he was concerned about me because I am usually the loudest one in the home. I soon realized that was something that would never happen and went back to keeping myself in my room. I began being interested in what has been happening in my body lately. I wanted to learn about people with some sort of superpower in our world today. I didn't want to go alone, though; I wanted to go with Madison. So I quickly made my way to the park and waited patiently, hoping Madison would appear. I waited for some time and talked to Ms. Laya while I waited. I wished there was a way to reach out to Madison on a phone or something, but I knew she said she always hated technology. She finally got there, and it was like seeing her made a part of that air feeling around me turn into a lightly sunny feeling. I was so excited to ask if she wanted to go to the public library with me to look through books about what was going on. It was crazy because she accidentally found out about my secrets, and I was upset about her finding out at first. However, now it felt like she was the only one I would want to tell it to. I never realized how quickly a relationship with another human could grow. She was so excited that I wanted to do something with her. But she was an interesting soul, almost like she wanted me to know she loved spending time together, but that she also expected things out of me for her own well-being. I kind of liked that she was so confident. It made me feel confident just watching her live her own life. She got on the back of my bike, and we rode to the library together. Ah, this was a moment I would never forget. I told her to put her arms around my waist so she wouldn't fall off, and she did. I felt like there were butterflies the moment her fingers touched my skin. We laughed and laughed after I rode through a puddle and splashed both of us with the dirty street water; whoops! We got into the library and went to the fiction area. We found as many books as we could about the possibilities of magic being real and philosophers that believed there was more in the world than just natural abilities. There was no one in the library which was cool. We sat and read the books for hours. But it was special because we weren't only reading, we were making jokes and laughing. We found one book that looked like it belonged in a fairytale movie. Those big green ancient-looking ones. It was called "Magic," and it drew both of us in.

I held the book between both of us so we could each read it at the same time. It gave us lots of information and talked about an interview with a woman that apparently knew about magic. The woman lived in Maine too. We both figured we had to go try to talk to her because Madison kept saying that we found this book for a reason, and it was part of our fate. I saw her smile today more than any other day, and I noticed a small chip on her bottom tooth. I asked her to tell me the story about how it got chipped. And we then talked about personal stories that made us who we were. 

I got home that night, and the nothingness was back. But I realized I hadn't thought about it once earlier because Madison made it disappear. I wanted to bring Madison over to meet my pet frogs, but I was worried about what my dad would do. I was also worried because Madison was so good at speaking up for herself that she would say whatever her heart desired to my father.  I thought everything was getting better between my dad and me, but I was wrong. 

This morning I woke up, and my dad came into my room and grabbed the neck collar of my shirt, and pulled me upwards. He said that the school had called him and said they were concerned about what was going on at school and that I was at risk for hurting others. They said they contacted an institute for struggling teenagers but wanted to ensure he was okay with it. He blamed me and asked me what was wrong with me. It only made me more upset. It was happening again, but it felt stronger this time. We were about to walk out the door to walk to school as the conversation went on. I felt it again, electrifying through my body. I was scared, and I had no control over what would happen next. I screamed out loud and clenched my fists and eyes as tight as possible. As I was about to walk through the door, my dad's body got pushed against the wall. I think I did that. I completely moved him with my mind. I had realized it was real; it wasn't a coincidence anymore. My dad screamed even louder but with fear this time. "I knew there was always something off with you! I'm sending you away". 

Those words repeated through my head the rest of the week. I didn't see Madison for a couple of days because I was worried I could hurt her too. I didn't trust myself around the people I loved the most. It wasn't until those days apart from Madison that I realized I really liked her. It wasn't just friends anymore, but I couldn't even think about telling her that with all the other things happening in my life. 

Later that night, my dad told me people were coming to take me away this Saturday. He handed me the printed letter from the people. It was weird, though, because it was from some government agency. I was so scared I had no idea what to do. I thought a dad should let you feel love, not fear. I was officially scared. 

I talked to my mom a little bit the other day and couldn't help but tell her all about Madison. I realized one of the reasons I cared for Madison so much was because she had similar traits to my mom. They both weren't afraid to be themselves, even in a judgemental world. They both reminded me of a beam of light that sheds through the darkness to give light to those around them. It was a beautiful thing. 

Madison and I began hanging out almost every single day of the week once she helped me realize not to fear that I could hurt her. She told me she trusted me and knew me more than I thought she did. We talked about meeting her parents, but I explained that I was too nervous about that right now. We spent countless hours with each other, to the point where we began setting specific times for us to meet one another at the park. It was funny because I always wanted the park to be my special location, but now I was happy that it felt like just Madison and I's park. I could tell we were becoming more comfortable with one another. I even noticed a small detail of how she struggled with issues with friendships in the past. We had never talked about being more than friends, though. I think we both valued our friendship so much that we were afraid to say anything that would get in the way of that. We got to a point where I simply couldn't imagine my life without her. We made jokes with each other, the jokes that make you laugh until your stomach hurts. 

Time passed, and our bond grew stronger; time only brought us closer. In the next couple of weeks, I noticed our relationship growing stronger in a different way. We started telling one another how important we were to each other instead of only making jokes. I loved what we talked about. Madison informed me that she was so grateful that we had only communicated in person because in the world today, everyone relied on technology. I loved being with Madison. I remember thinking that Madison's name was so simple for just a not simple person, but I now disagreed. It was perfect for her because it was a word that gained so much meaning the longer you look at the word. And that is how I felt about Madison. 

 I almost forgot to tell her about what my dad had said a week or so ago about being taken away. Madison cried at the news, and I didn't know what to do. It broke my heart to see someone so exuberantly happy shedding tears from her bright different-colored eyes. I told her it would be okay, but it seemed nothing I said could make her feel better. I soon realized that there had to be something else that was bothering her, so I brought her close to my chest and gave her the biggest hug. That was the first time we had ever hugged, and it was incredible. I soon found out that there was, in fact, something else bothering her. She exclaimed that her mother told her yesterday that she would be heading home soon to go back to her hometown because her parents didn't want her to miss any more school than she already had. She explained that she initially came to town to visit her grandparents that live in another country, but it was time for her to go home. She described her hometown in Indiana and said how much she wanted to sneak me into her suitcase. I couldn't help but fear what the future might hold. Will I ever see her again? How would we stay in touch? How could I possibly survive without Madison here every single day? She could tell I began freaking out inside my own head while she was freaking out outside her own head. We dealt with our issues differently, but I think that is what made us work so well. 

I talked about what we would do until it hit us. We would go find that lady in that book to tell us what to do. We wanted to run away together for two reasons; one, to escape the people looking for me, and two, to not let Madison go back home. I am not entirely sure what convinced us this plan was such a great idea, but we were both in on it. We planned to pack bags that night and begin our adventure the next night because I described I wanted to go to school one final time. I was definitely afraid of what my father would do after this. He was going to kill me. 

I wanted to be kinder to my dad that day to say goodbye without actually saying goodbye on good terms. I was excited about where the future would take me but extremely nervous at the same time. Madison and I began our adventure and decided to take my bike, switching off who would be pedaling and sitting on the back seat. Earlier that day, I had put in the location on my phone, and it said it would be a four-day trip walking there on foot. The address was a little unsettling; it was a latitude-longitude coordinate, (45.253784, -69.445473) 45° 15' 13.6224'' N 69° 26' 43.7028'' W. 

We left at 4:47 p.m. and began our adventure. I left a note on my counter saying I would be going on a school trip for the weekend. I left my phone right next to it, too, so those government people wouldn't be able to track us. 


Dear Father, 

Hi. I hope you are well and have had a nice day so far. I have a school trip this weekend, and we leave today around 3. I am sorry I haven't told you until now, but please don't worry. And no, mom doesn't know either, so I suggest not bringing that up. I know what you did and who's coming for me. I am not going alone, so I will be just fine and will be back soon. Enjoy your weekend while I am gone! 


Goodbye, 


Your son, Blake Kahlon



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