Yay!  The author's notes DO get read!!  And yes, this is an absolute first draft.  :D

Okay.  Thank you for telling me that, as I was definitely concerned about cheese.  If it helps any, the romance is not a central theme in the book.  Really, it was just supposed to be an added issue.

Okay, to the second note:  I guess the best I can say here is that people do weird things when they're injured.  It's not the same, I know, but I've seen people come out of surgery and go from loopy to unconscious to completely there back to unconscious again.  So I guess I kind of based this off those experiences.  It's good to know that it seems unrealistic, though.  I'll have to go back and do what I can to make that less of an issue.

Thanks!!!

Haha I'm glad you like it.  Yeah, I was toying with the idea of labeling the first chapter as a "prologue", but as I plan on doing more flashback chapters like that one, I was afraid it would mess withthe flow.  If you looked (and this is more obvious in the original format) you can see that the second chapter takes place two years after the first.   Does that knowledge make it less confusing?  Or do I need to do more with it?

Spicing up the words?  Maybe.  As I said in my comment on your book, I tend to prefer plain words.  And that applys especially for Zalika's voice as I don't see her as having a particularly extensive vocabulary.  Maybe in dialogue from other characters, if I switch POVs, or in some of the more descriptive passages I'll use more specific words.  I'm glad to know that the lack of fancy words is noticable, though.  I'll keep that in mind from now on.

 Thanks!!

Thanks!  Yeah, I know.  Cheesiness is an issue.  If it makes you feel better, the romance is not really continued through the story.  :)

Okay, yeah.  I'm working on finding a balance right now.  Previously, I had an issue with sometimes spending too much energy on how a character was feeling and it created issues when it was time to re-enter the action.  So it's good to know that I've at least found the other extreme now.  I'll work on some more detail.

Thanks again!!!

Alright, I read your author's note for this first chapter - how it borders on cheesy. I'm a girl, and you should know that romance isn't my cup o' tea, (I have it in my books, but twilight can go downstairs if you know what I mean) so I have to agree partly on the cheesiness. It's kind of hard to tell at first glance, but there are just a few issues I have with it.

1. It seems pretty generic. I've read romance novels before, and they all contain pretty much the same thing, and this scene has the potential to be really unique.

2. The characters seem to be trying a bit too hard to be "romantic" in this scene. If he's dying, I find it a little hard to believe that he could say so much to her. It's a little too... cute, I suppose.

Romance aside, I AM looking forward very much to reading the next chapter. I like your wording for the most part. It keeps it central and gets the feeling across nicely. I'm curious about these characters. Does he make it? What does she do if he doesn't? That sort of thing.

Overall, very well done. I look forward to reading more, and I can't wait to see what you do in later chapters. Is this a first draft? If so, it was FANTASTIC.