I rolled my eyes, turning around and exiting the apartment. They are so clueless it’s pathetic I thought as a locked the door tight behind me. I turned making sure they had no roaming eyes or nosey neighbors watching, but their never seems to be anyone home. I walked seven steps to the right. Six knocks on the left wall, and two final jumps that opened the painting. Such a dreadful painting, it reminds me of the titanic sinking. It gives an aura of loneliness, hopelessness, and heartbreak. Once inside I closed the door behind me and punched in the password 762.

I was engulfed into a sea of darkness almost immediately. There was no light, not even a faint glow that sometimes is said to be coming off of humans. I thought for a while in my own dark, deserted world then I got up tired of wallowing in my own pity.
I knew the way, I didn’t need the light. I followed my senses until I reached the door, removing the key from my bracelet I unlocked it and entered my room. I flipped the switch and suddenly my world of darkness lit up as I saw my paradise. I stood for a moment taking it all in twenty-five shiny computers cover the desks that fill the room. Bulletin boards and marker boards cover the walls, not a space could be seen it was a flawless and organized system. This room was my pride and joy. It was my home; most importantly it was my mind. What made it even better was the face that appeared on every screen and from basically every angle. I smiled, as I made my way to my seat. I looked him in the eyes and said aloud “My next victim.”

His name, Carter Simmons, 26 years old happily married, and father to three lovely children. I smiled as his family appeared playing in their backyard, but you see Carter was nowhere to be found. I mean I knew where he was, I always know where he is, but his innocent wife has no idea. All she knows is the lies he has been telling her. This is one of those families that seems perfect from the outside looking in, but if you were reversed and on the inside looking out you would see how truly broken they are. That’s beside the point; I’m going to make all of this simply disappear. I know everything about him, every conversation he has ever had, every time he has eaten, every time he has gone to the bathroom. Catch my drift, I am in his mind and he doesn’t even know it.
I begin recording the conversations and every little aspect. Not even to mention every single detail. You see sometimes we are looking too hard at one little thing we forget to notice the big picture. I must have been at this for at least thirty minutes, when I hear the phone begin to ring. I sat silently waiting, I know I can’t answer it, but it takes all my willpower not too. Three rings, four rings, and on the last one it stopped. I smiled silly silly boy, and I pressed the A key and waited for the conversation to begin. Silence was all I heard and then…
“Sawyer we have nothing, no trace. It’s almost as if it was done by a ghost. They have no fingerprints, not a single screw up. Sawyer this is truly flawless.”
“Don’t sound so damn impressed Lily. It’s a serial killer not a freaking work of art. They must have slipped. No one is that perfect.” Sawyer responded was obvious anger in his voice.
Lily snapped back “No you don’t understand there is nothing here. Nothing, get it.”
“Just shut up, don’t touch anything, don’t talk to anyone, and don’t move a muscle. I will be there in 10.” With that he slammed down the phone not even waiting for a response.
“Someone’s a little heated. Simmer down hot stuff don’t want to blow a fuse in front of the boss.” A women’s voice that mocked him came from the open door way in the office.
Sawyer bit back sarcasm evident in his voice “Oh great the shrink is here. Wait I forgot you hate being called a shrink. Excuse let me bow down to you Dr. Welsh.” Suddenly seriousness was evident in his tone as he continued “I don’t have time for jokes, you’re coming to the crime scene. And that wasn’t a question.”
“You can’t tell me what to do!” Dr. Welsh responded.
Detective Sawyer laughed out loud, and his voice rose as he talked once more “I’m your boss and you will do as I say.”

I knew they had left when the door slammed shut. I took a deep breath and thought about the conversation that had just occurred. I turned the microphone off and put it on to record. I sat there continuing to think about everything. People say I need to forgive and forget, but you can’t just wake up one day and be over it. It takes time and you have to want to move on. I’m not done getting my revenge, so I’m not ready to move on. There is only one bad thing really about being a criminal if it’s done right of course. You have to drop off the face of the earth. Erase every single detail of your life until all you are to those people you use to know is a figment dancing in the back of their imaginations. No friends, no family, not even a damn goldfish. Hell you can’t even have a pet rock. You can’t become attached to things, because when you become attached you become vulnerable. I’m invisible, to the world I don’t even exist; imagine that I’m like a ghost yet still alive, but barely breathing. In my line of work, it’s necessary.

Friday, January 8, 2013
Its 7:55, I looked down to check the time on my watch. I was running late on this murder. I don’t like to be late. “Oh crap” I yelled as I tripped. A sudden pain shot through my right foot, but I had to keep running. I had three minutes to get home. Three minutes until the clock struck 8, three minutes until they came for me. As I repeated my routine I couldn’t help but notice how quiet it was. I mean it was always quiet, but for some reason this time it was different.
Once I was in my apartment I began to scrub the blood from under my fingernails when I sensed something in the room with me. Something wasn’t right; I noticed an eerie tension that sent shivers down my spine. It wasn’t until I heard the sirens cutting through the silent night that I finally snapped out of my daze. I checked my watch 8:00 exactly, so predictable. I turned around and started to make my way towards the bedroom to change when I voice stopped me dead in my tracks.
“That’s a pretty serious limp you have their sis. May want to ice that down and stop putting pressure on it.”
I responded back turning to face her “Well Katie thanks for the advice I will defiantly consider it.” When she did nothing but stare I continued “Nice of you to visit by the way. I mean you literally have not been here, or made any effort to see me for what 7-8 years.”
Katie rolled her eyes and stood their staring for a little while longer. Finally she responded “What are you doing?”
“Well I just got in from my nightly stroll only to have my home rudely broken into. What’s the matter sis, cat got your tongue?” silence, and then I asked “Jokes aside, why are you here?”
Katie just laughed and looked out the window “Listen, I have come here to talk you out of this crazy life your living. Selena you’re playing with fire. This is never going to bring dad back. Your silence is killing me sis. Please, it’s been almost 13 damn years. Why don’t you start talking?” she snapped at me with an anger I have never heard in her before.
“Sis, I have never been one for talking much. You of all people should know that. I can’t stop, I started this game and I need to finish it.” I looked her in the eyes trying to convince not only her of my reasoning, but myself as well.
She walked to me so that we were face to face. The tear stains were evident as were the tears still falling across her face. “I know your hurt, but just give up. Come home with me, you are missed so much.” She turned away after placing a single kiss on my forehead.
She stopped once she reached the door “Selena you had so much going for you. I might not agree. Well I sure as hell don’t agree with your decisions, but I’m your twin sister and I can see that those wheels in your head are turning. You’re planning something big, and I trust you. But do not call me; you have made your bed now you have to lay in it.” And with that she was gone.

Once she left it was like coldness flooded the apartment. I didn’t know what else to do but sink to my knees. I checked my watch 8:07. A conversation that felt like hours had only lasted a couple of minutes. The memories of all those years ago came flooding back to me. For some reason I didn’t cry, I couldn’t cry.
I was too strong to cry at that moment or ever, but I did consider and really think about everything Katie had said. I sat there for what felt like hours it wasn’t until there was a knock at that door that I finally moved. I stood up and made my way to the door, but this time it was different. I didn’t realize why until I opened the door and saw the cops eyes go as huge as saucers when they saw the blood still covering my tattered up clothing. I knew at that moment my destiny the moment I had been waiting for. All I could do at that moment was shrug my shoulders, stick out my wrists, and say “You caught me.”
The next couple of hours felt like an eternity. It was a complete blur, I do remember the people. They were all talking and looking at me as if I was some foreign species. I looked around at the room they now had me in. My hands are handcuffed to the table and I’m staring into a mirror that I know is a window on the other side. I feel them watching me like a hawk. They are trying to figure out what the hell is going on. They expected a cold hearted man, with a rap sheet. Not an innocent 23 year old girl without any trace of even ever existing. I would kill to see their confused and scared faces right now.
The door opened but I didn’t bother to look up. There was some moving around and a chair pulled across the table from me. Then silence I waited for them to say something, anything.
“Hi, my name is Dr. Welsh. We can’t seem to find you anywhere. Would you mind doing a little favor and telling us your name?”
I smiled at how pathetic she sounded. It was like she was talking to a preschooler. I didn’t respond, but continued to stare at the floor and the table. I went back and forth between the two. I’m waiting, you see Detective Sawyer was in the room and he was getting rather angry. I knew how to push his buttons; after all I had been in his mind for the past 5 years.
When I snickered at how pathetic this entire situation was, I guess that really tested his limits because before I even knew it his hands were slammed on the table. This sudden burst of anger made me look up at him. His face was red with rage, and his eyes were cold as ice. When I continued to do nothing but stare at him he began to talk.
“Listen here. Tell us who you are so we can take a mug shot of your pretty little face and then book your sorry a...” He yelled.
Dr. Welsh butted in before he could finish his thought “Detective I suggest you calm down. Yelling will get you nowhere with her.” Her tone was stern and rock solid.
“Yes, Detective sir. Maybe you should calm down.” I added in not bothering to hide my laughter.
He turned around to face me once again. He got in my face but before he began his rant of anger at me he looked at Dr. Welsh and pointed to the door. She didn’t hesitate to walk out; she was scared I had pushed him to his limits.
“What did you say? Why don’t you just stay out of conversations that don’t concern you? You are in no place of power here. I am your king and you will respect me. You think you’re a mastermind, listen and look around. You’re the one handcuffed to a table inside the police station. Locked in a square windowless room, you look hopeless. Not to mention pathetic.”
I chuckled and responded “Well at least I’m not stuck in a world trying to fix what’s not even broken. You are completely alone in this world. You’re a self-obsessed jerk who wants nothing more than to take others down to make you feel even a little bit better about your own miserable useless life.” I took a deep breath and stood up so that him and I were face to face.
I whispered only loud enough for him to hear “Now who’s the pathetic one?”

In a split second I threw the cuffs that were on my wrist across the table and onto his wrists trapping him. A trick my father had taught me, a trick I have mastered flawlessly. The look on his face was priceless it was a look of confusion, defeat, and a hint of understanding. Not to mention he looked as if he had just seen Casper the ghost. I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.
Then I jumped up hitting the tile on the roof to the side. I looked down one last time and disappeared into the world above me. Once I had pushed the tile back into place I took a deep breath, and began to recall the way out. I always had an escape plan. After a while of turning and climbing and sliding and the darkness I found the way. Why is it always damn darkness?
Once I opened the hatch I realized I was on the roof. I couldn’t help but notice the view. It was breathtaking; you could see the entire city from up here. I stood there for a moment just taking it all in. In that moment I felt something inside me, it felt like hope.
Then I took off running taking my belt off in the process. Once I reached the edge I slide the belt over the top of the wire and jumped. I used the belt as my escape. Once I got close enough to ground I let go of the belt landing on both my feet. The people around me were too busy glued to their cell phones to see anything that had just happened.
I took a deep breath and turned around just as Detective Sawyer was emerging from the building. Our eyes made contact for a spilt second, and then I turned around beginning to walk away. I stayed with the movement slowly blending into the sea of people surrounding me. At that moment I became just another face in the crowd.
I walked for almost forty minutes flinching at every siren and ducking every time a cop car passed my side. By the time I reached the airport traces of sun set were beginning to dance across the sky. I stood for a moment just watching the way the orange blended with the red and the hints of purple every now and then. But what I loved the most was the way the yellow stood out. It was the easiest of the colors to disappear into the shadows of the others, yet it continued to fight for its spot as the largest color in the sun set.
As I buckled in the plane I thought back to the life I was leaving behind, a life full of revenge and loneliness. As I looked around the plane at all the people simply minding their own business, I couldn’t help but smile. As the plane vanished into a sea of clouds and darkness sealed the light I could breathe for the first time. Honestly I felt like a bird flying to a new life.
“Wow. You have quite a vivid imagination dear. That certainly is a story.” The women next to me on the plane said.
“Thanks, but really it’s like I lived the entire thing.” I responded with a chuckle.
“Well dear be happy you didn’t live that life or else you would be a murderer, and well we simply don’t let murders run around free.” She said putting her earphone in signaling the end of that conversation.

As I looked out the window I was a little stunned. I had just spent the past 6 hours telling this woman about how I am a murderer and she thinks I have an active imagination. The plane began to descend into my new life, my new home. As I stepped off the plane and onto the ground I looked around at the people. The air was filled with sounds of laughter and tears. It felt like Christmas.
“I knew you would come home. You see Selena that is one thing about you I love. No matter what through hell or high water you always come home.” Katie whispered from behind me.
When I turned around I was engulfed into a giant hug. I couldn’t but smile and the tears began to rush down my face. For the first time since dad died I didn’t stop them, they were tears of joy. I looked around at my family that greeted me and I felt home. I had finally found myself, and found my home. As I walked out the airport and into my life I could finally breathe, and at that moment I had never felt more damn alive.