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Isabel...
December 15, 2010
Summary:
Three kids whose parents have died in a car accident, first start out with living in a foster home. Soon enough, they are all adopted by different parents, and are separated for most of their lives. Eventually, they end up meeting eachother AND a family friend. Soon they realize what REALLY happened to their parents. Was it a car accident?
Shannon M.
Isabel...
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This book has 4 comments.
Focus on finding a more natural word choice: i've honestly never seen an eight year old weep, they cry(weep sounds like something an older person would do), conjunctions(it sounds forced and scripted when you don't use them) I agree with purple_ashes that you should keep the prolouge to the POV of one of the kids. Love it!
ShannonVictoria BRONZE said...
on Dec. 25 2010 at 3:50 am
Yea, i think you're right. I should probably look over it a couple times and really fix some things. But i think i will keep this one up for a while to see if anyone else has any other things i should probably fix. :) Thanks for your help! :)
sany.lastflame PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 24 2010 at 5:57 pm
There is a lot of potential in this story and I was really drawn in by the prolouge of the story. HOwever, after readin father my interest got lost. Your writing is really outstanding but I think this story needs some editing. Maybe tell it from the point of veiw from one child. Even in the first chapter... it seems like somethings missing in your writing... I'm not sure,,
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"The universe is not only queerer than we suppose; it is queerer than we can suppose."<br /> ~J.B.S. Haldane