It isn’t that I’m incapable; it isn’t that I’m stupid, or even lazy for that matter. I think that for the longest time it was easier to believe I was incapable or that there was something, some force I had absolutely no control over, fighting against me, stopping me from achieving what I know I am capable of. I listened to people tell me what I was, or what I wasn’t, and what I did and didn’t have the ability to do. Not anymore. I think I’ve finally come to the point where regardless of whether someone’s words are motivating or deteriorating no longer do other people’s words hold any value.
I’ve finally realized that I am the only one who has any control over my future (except god of course) and my actions will be the only driving force behind who I am, and what I accomplish. The only person who is going to stop me from getting somewhere is me, and the only person who will get me anywhere is me. At the same time, getting somewhere or doing something is no longer for the benefit of anyone else, or for the acceptance of anyone else. I’m done changing who I am to get unvaluable acceptance from people who don’t and never will matter. This is my journey, this is my path. Whatever I do, is for where it’ll get me, and the meaning it holds to me. (I’m taking self centered to a whole new level) I’m done searching for weightless outside acceptance, now my only focus is finding self acceptance. I think once I can learn to accept myself, no one’s meaningless words can levy my self worth.
It is so much easier to blame the world around me for my falls, and so much easier to not accept that maybe –just maybe; I am something extraordinary. That I, chubby, klutzy, scattered as I am, have power, if not over anything else over myself. That strength isn’t in the amount of weight I bench, but in the amount of responsibility I have over my actions. I’m redefining responsibility. I’m now responsible for my falls, my rises, my mistakes, my successes, my now, my later, my –Self.
Its time to define who I really am, apart from what I’ve allowed everyone else to define me as. I no longer need anyone’s acceptance, or support. I love you guys for being here but I think I finally need to figure this out for myself, if I can define me, no persons ink can alter what is set in stone.