Life is an abundance of experience with unexpected twists. How I chose to navigate this fundamental concept called reality is all so new to my understanding.
My mind chooses to simplify how life truly is by putting me as the center of its universe. That I’m the only matter that matters, that I’m the only thing in existence. For generally my life is beyond me and much more complex. I did not think about this in previous years that have long since pasted.
High School, how in the world did I end up there so fast? It astounds me that my mind goes completely numb with astonishment. High school; an alienated world that I came to believe as the doorway to a harsh reality. When people have to take on hard tasks and demands, where being a child of 4 or 5 is a thing of the past. An ancient and distant memory that I vaguely remember being apart of. I now look down on previous self as if judging my ability as a potentially intelligent human being.
How much older I have grown that I feel that I already need a walking stick. Still it marvels me how far I’ve gotten to this stage in life. I can’t believe it has been already 9 years past my elementary school and middle school days. When I felt so small and somewhat young at times.
Being the oldest always made me somewhat experienced and mindful of others and possessed knowledge that they weren’t introduced to you, but I choose to be silent about it until asked.
I cannot get over the thought of being a High school student already, it seemed to me just a few months ago I was in elementary school and a few weeks ago in middle school. The time has flown the coop for me and I must cease the day by the scruff and take advantage. For times such as these you must work and labor for a successful life, where opportunities are essential to survival.
I take advantage of any chance I get for a good advancement and must do so according to my needs. I still think about how I would like to turn the clock around to the time where there was no worry for school tests or big names or scores or grades that defined who I was as a person. There was a time where high school wasn’t something I thought I would ever get into. Even now I don’t except the fact that I’m in High school and that my childhood days have reached its limitations.
I must choose to move on or forever be frozen in my present state of mind.
So off I go, for four years will pass faster than my previous three and then I will swiftly be escorted to a college in some state all alone. To fend for myself, for a career and grow up once more so I can become the adult I’m compelled to be. Then off I go on to a never-ending chain of schools. Then after I’ve completed those I would have a job, my own house, a family and a life of my own. I would forget how I felt to be young and relaxed. I won’t be able to forget how much I miss being young and thoughtless and stupid, but as hard as it is to conceive this harsh truth than a sweet lie that life is endless and for it to be endless it must go on despite other’s disagreement, or wishes. For if we all wished to be young the world would never spin and we could never look forward to a new day.
I accept this inevitable truth though I despise it and loathe with all heart, but my loathing it will not change it. For I know that life must end for another one to begin. For in this world life is harsh, it could be unforgiving and cruel or be sweet and plentiful. I’ve found it to be a balance of both plentiful and harsh. I choose whether to make it my best day or my worst, for I must have a balance of both.
In my wake I leave a trail of thoughts behind that in time someone will pick up what once was mine and read what I have written and question “why?” For this I say that I cannot hold these thoughts of being scared, hateful, jolly, depressed and anxious all inside, for the dam I’ve built in my mind will break.
To end all my thoughts I will say that my days will slowly fade away. For a reason I must obey because there is no choice I can take but the one I’m given on this day. I must succeed in this step in my life in order to reach great heights.